Chapter 009

Dr. Lisa Voss's office was quiet except for the soft hum of the air conditioner and the occasional creak of her leather armchair. The sun filtering in through half-drawn blinds gave the room a calm golden hue, a stark contrast to the turmoil inside Elena.

She sat on the edge of the plush couch, legs crossed, fingers fidgeting with the silver band around her finger. The same ring she once believed symbolized peace. Stability. A future she wanted so badly to embrace. But now, sitting here, she wasn't sure if she was unraveling her past or inviting it back in.

"Elena," Dr. Voss said softly, "Last session, you opened up a little about Daniel. You described his touch as something you couldn't forget. You said, and I quote, 'No one ever looked at me the way he did.' I want to explore that more—only if you feel ready."

Elena gave a small nod. Her throat was dry. Her body stiff.

"I guess I've been avoiding this," she whispered, staring at a painting on the wall behind Lisa. A soft blur of green and blue. Serene. Nothing like what she was about to say. "The first time… it felt like I was doing something terrible. And yet I didn't stop."

Lisa adjusted slightly, notepad still resting on her knee, pen poised but relaxed. She wasn't in a hurry. She never was. That's what Elena liked about her.

"I remember it was raining. The office was almost empty. I was the only one still there, trying to prove myself. Fresh out of school, eager, naïve. And then he walked in."

Her voice faltered slightly, but she kept going.

Daniel. Tall, sharp jawline, presence that walked into a room before he did. Elena remembered the way he smelled—warm musk, fresh rain, and something unplaceably masculine. His voice always calm, low, and commanding. She used to describe it in her journal as honey with a threat of fire underneath.

He walked into her office that evening as though it was fate. Or maybe it had been planned. She never knew.

"You're still here?" he asked, setting his coat down casually.

"Just finishing up a client proposal," she responded, trying not to sound too eager. She could feel her heart hammering. He leaned over her shoulder to glance at her screen. That's when she caught his cologne again, and the warmth of his chest close behind her. The tension was thick. It always had been.

Then he said, "You're too smart to work this hard. But I like that you do."

It was such a simple compliment, but it cracked something open inside her. And when he reached to adjust the paper she was holding and their fingers brushed, it wasn't accidental.

Their eyes met.

He didn't ask.

She didn't pull away.

The kiss was rough. Unapologetic. Like two people who'd been holding their breath for too long. She remembered her back against the desk, the file folder slipping from her hand, scattering papers across the floor. She remembered his hand sliding under her blouse and her gasp against his lips.

"There was no time to think," she told Dr. Voss, blinking rapidly to keep the tears from falling. "No time to stop it. I wanted him. Right there."

Dr. Voss's voice was soft, steady. "Did you feel safe with him in that moment?"

Elena hesitated. "I felt… wanted. Like I was the center of someone's universe, even if it was only for twenty minutes."

They didn't speak much that first night afterward. He handed her a glass of scotch and sat back with a smirk that burned her with equal parts thrill and confusion.

"This won't be the last time," he said, almost smugly.

And she knew it was true.

"I went home that night, and I sat in the shower for an hour," she told Dr. Voss. "Not because I regretted it. But because something inside me had shifted. I had always been in control before. But Daniel…" She trailed off.

Lisa watched her carefully. "Daniel made you feel powerless?"

"No," Elena said after a moment. "He made me feel too powerful. Like I could do anything and get away with it. Like I was capable of things I didn't even know I wanted. That scared me."

There was a long pause. The air felt heavier.

"Did he ever make you feel used?" Lisa asked, tilting her head slightly.

"No," Elena said quietly. "That's the problem. He made me feel like I was using him. Like I was the one with all the control. At least… at first."

She leaned back and stared at the ceiling for a second. "He never begged for anything. He'd just say something like, 'I want you to lose yourself with me.' And I would. Every time."

The memories poured out now.

Their escapades in places they shouldn't have been—the backseat of his car, the stairwell of his condo, the rooftop of a downtown building during a company retreat.

"I remember once," she added with a faint laugh, "we ended up at a hotel during a lunch break. He ordered room service before even touching me. And then he fed me strawberries like I was royalty. Right after, he tied my wrists to the bedframe using his belt."

Her cheeks flushed at the memory. "It wasn't just the sex. It was the attention. The obsession. No one had ever consumed me like that. Not before. Not since."

Lisa scribbled something gently in her notebook, then looked up. "And yet, you left him. Why?"

Elena looked down. "Because when it ended, it felt like withdrawal. Like something vital was being ripped out of me. And I knew I'd never be okay if I didn't get away."

Lisa nodded. "And yet, you're still not okay."

Tears welled up, uninvited, and Elena wiped at them with the back of her hand. "Because a part of me still wants that chaos. Still wants him. Even after all he did. And I don't understand why."

The session ran longer than usual. When Elena finally walked out, the sky had darkened. A light drizzle kissed her skin as she stepped into the parking lot.

Her phone buzzed. A message from Nathan. "Dinner's in the oven. Drive safe."

She stared at it for a moment before tucking the phone away.

Because tonight, her heart was still in another time, with another man, in another life.

And she wasn't sure if the therapy was helping or just breaking her further.