Of course! Here is the rewrite of Chapter 1 in the style of Desciclopédia, with dark humor, irony and that pinch of controlled insanity:
Chapter 1 – The Burning Hand and the Wi-Fi Horse
In your "culture" — if howling naked on a full moon counts as such — no one writes secrets in books. That would be too easy, right?
Here, knowledge is passed on in more sophisticated ways: guttural chants, dramatic howls and occasional identity crises. But yes, there are written records. No, we are not talking about a self-help book like "How to Keep Your Fur in Times of Spiritual Crisis". We are talking about sinister grimoires, typed by lunatics in damp basements, between one demonic summoning and another game of Dungeons & Dragons.
When things got ugly (read: you started having dreams about a devil who speaks medieval French), it was in the dust of a torn-up codex called The Sign of the Burnt Hand that you sought answers. Translation? A gothic tome translated from French by a guy who probably wore puffy pants and said "thou" to his mirror. You also found a bunch of printer paper from 1995, probably taken from an online cult before the internet was swallowed up by kitten videos.
The research revealed that the entity in question wasn't just evil — it was the kind of spirit that shows up at parties uninvited, eats everything, lies better than politicians, and leaves a trail of sulfur and trauma. And of course, it could destroy the earth with a mistimed yawn.
And that's where you are now. In the middle of freezing nowhere, staring at your "target": a man in arctic camouflage, dressed in Antarctic cosplay. Face covered by glasses and a furry balaclava, he looks like the mascot of a wolf food brand.
He has a war rifle, a tablet hanging from his waist (because even demonic spirits have to log in to the system), and he's riding a black horse worthy of the apocalypse.
The detail that really bothers you? A swarm of flies around him, buzzing louder than a Black Friday siren. In the middle of the snow. Flies.
You blink. Twice. Three times. But they're still there. Maybe they're enjoying some lo-fi demon music.
And this is when you, a being of fur, teeth, and repressed traumas, start to remember...
"Before my First Transformation™ I was just another loser with a wolf complex and an addiction to rare books. I raided libraries, sold codices, and read passages in the bathroom."
"Then the nightmares began with pagan symbols, bizarre rituals and my great-aunt dancing with a goat. I was kicked out by my family, left on the streets, and discovered that my fuse was shorter than airport Wi-Fi."
"With fits and starts and bites, I became an expert in resolving spiritual disputes. I earned free snacks and the respect of those who hadn't yet been possessed."
"But the truth is that my inner resentment could melt the polar ice cap. And I learned to use it to ward off enemies, debt collectors and even possessive ex-boyfriends (literally possessed)."
Now, with a chill down your spine and the smell of flies in the air, you know that the game has begun. And that it will probably end with screams, destruction and some bad joke at the end.
Next…
Do you want me to continue the next part in the same style?