The One With Dozen Lasagnas

Monica: (ON PHONE): Stop yelling! all I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian

lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (Pauses, Listens To Person On Phone)

Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.

(CAMERA MOVES TO CHANDLER, PHOEBE, ROSS, JOEY, AND ROY SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM)

Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?

Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)

Roy: (raising an eyebrow) That's... weirdly specific, man.

Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool... it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta.

Joey: (grimacing) Oh man, why would you say that?!

Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (sets yogurt down dramatically)

Roy: (grinning at Joey) I dare you to finish it.

Joey: (leaning away) Dude, no way!

Phoebe: (softly) Sorry.

Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with

a dozen lasagnas? (LISTENS TO AUNT SYL ON PHONE, LOOKS SHOCKED) NICE

TALK, AUNT SYL. (IN NEW YORK ACCENT) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that

mouth? 

Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (MEASURES

ABOUT 2 INCHES WITH HIS THUMB AND INDEX FINGER) This is your baby. (IN

BABY-LIKE VOICE) Hi Daddy!

Ross: (WAVES) Hello!

Joey: (IN BABY-LIKE VOICE) How come you don't live with Mommy? (PAUSE;

SHOWS ROSS LESS THAN AMUSED) How come Mommy lives with that other lady?

(PAUSE; ROSS STILL LOOKS LESS THAN AMUSED; JOEY SMILING) What's a

lesbian? (PLAYFULLY HITS ROSS)

(RACHEL ENTERS WITH PAOLO, SPEAKING ITALIAN. ROSS LOOKS ANNOYED) 

Rachel: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos (TOUCHING

PAOLO'S NOSE WITH FOREFINGER WITH EACH SYLLABLE)

Paolo: Ah, poke (PAOLO TOUCHES RACHEL'S NOSE) a (TOUCHES NOSE

AGAIN) nose, mmm (THEY RUB NOSES, THEN KISSES HER)

Roy, Joey, Chandler, Ross (SITTING IN LIVING ROOM, IMITATING PAOLO): Mma, Mma,

Mmaah 

(CAMERA PANS TO RACHEL, MONICA, AND PHOEBE IN THE KITCHEN)

Monica: So, did I hear Poconos?

Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.

Phoebe: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together!

Monica: Yeah, that's a big step.

Rachel: I know

CAMERA PANS TO ROSS, LOOKING DEJECTED)

Chandler: Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!

Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... (makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?

Roy: (leaning back on the couch) Yeah, man, flings are supposed to have like... way less hand gestures.

Chandler: (grinning) And way less emotional monologues.

Ross: (half-laughing) Thanks, guys. Real supportive.

(CAMERA PANS BACK TO RACHEL)

Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only

read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally,

totally... 

(CAMERA PANS TO ROSS, HOLDING HIS STOMACH)

Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration?(pauses, looks suddenly inspired)

Ross: I could call immigration!

Roy: (leaning forward, mock serious) Yeah, "Hi, 911? I'd like to report a crime of... broken heartedness." 

Chandler: (grinning) Yeah, they'll be right over... with tissues.

Ross: (groans) I hate you all.

(ROY LEAVING GIRLS' APARTMENT, CARRYING LASAGNA) 

3rd POV:

While heading toward his apartment, he was thinking about what to invest in next. Microsoft was on a steady rise, and Apple's first product was nearing completion. He realized it was time to open a new front.

ROY POV:

Movies. I should start investing in movies.Not the big studio stuff though — not Warner Bros., not Universal. You'd need a fortress of lawyers to survive those contracts... and even then, they'd find a way to 'lose' your profits on a balance sheet.No, real opportunities are in indie films. Low-budget, high-reward. Just one hit could change everything.

(He runs a hand through his hair)

I don't remember everything from before — maybe 40% of my memories are still fogged over — but the important pieces? They're still there.And one name floats to the top... 'The Blair Witch Project.'Two students. Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez. Tiny budget, massive success. It was brilliant.

(Roy opens his eyes again, sharper now.)

I should find them. Get in touch before they blow up

*******************************8

(Roy is at his desk at his apartment , his laptop open as he types up a few business emails. He pauses for a moment, leaning back in his chair. He picks up his phone and makes a call to the University of Central Florida.)

Roy (on the phone, calm and professional):"Hi, this is Roy… I'm calling about some indie film students I heard about who are working on a documentary-style horror project. I believe their names are Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez? I've been told they might be seeking early investment or creative support for their project. Do you have any information about it?"

University Representative (on the phone):"Let me check real quick, sir... Yes, I see the project here. It's a low-budget horror film using a found footage style. Very experimental. They're still in the early stages, but it's been getting some interest in local film circles."

Roy (smiling to himself, intrigued):"That sounds interesting. I'd love to talk to them. Do you have their contact details?"

University Representative:"Yes, I can provide you with their information. Hold on for a moment." (A brief pause)"Okay, here you go. Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez both have emails and phones listed here. I'll send those over to you right now."

Roy (grateful):"Great. Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it."

University Representative:"You're welcome! Best of luck with your investment."

(Roy hangs up, his fingers already typing a new email with the filmmakers' contact info. He dials the number for Daniel Myrick.)

Scene: Roy calls Daniel Myrick

(The phone rings a few times before Daniel picks up.)

Daniel Myrick (on the phone, a bit curious):"Hello?"

Roy (speaking smoothly):"Hi, is this Daniel? My name's Roy, and I've heard about your project — the documentary-style horror film you're working on with Eduardo. I'm an investor and entrepreneur, and I'd like to learn more about it. Do you have a few minutes to talk?"

Daniel (intrigued):"Uh, yeah, sure! I'm glad to hear you're interested. What exactly do you want to know?"

Roy (calm and business-like):"Well, I'd love to set up a meeting with you and Eduardo. I think this could be a promising project, and I want to hear more about your vision and how you're planning to bring it to life. Let's see if there's a way I could support it."

Daniel (a little excited):"That sounds awesome. Yeah, we've been working on this film for a while now, and we could definitely use some outside support. We're really passionate about it — we're just two college students trying to make something real. I'm sure Eduardo would be down for a meeting."

Roy (smiling, a hint of confidence):"Perfect. Let's get a coffee and talk. I can meet anywhere convenient for you. What works best?"

Daniel (quickly agreeing):"How about tomorrow afternoon ? There's a coffee shop near the campus, a place called 'Brewed Awakening.' It's a good spot to chat."

Roy (nodding, confident):"Sounds good. I'll meet you there tomorrow afternoon. I'm looking forward to hearing your pitch, Daniel."

Daniel (sounding excited):"Thanks, Roy. We'll see you then!"

(SCENE: CHANDLER AND JOEY'S APARTMENT. JOEY AND CHANDLER USE

THEIR KNEES AS A TABLE TO SUPPORT THE LASAGNA)

Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?

Joey: That's the rule.

Chandler: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table!

Joey: How'd you get to that?

Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure

with Angela Delvecchio

Joey:  You knew about that?

Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the

imagination.

Joey: Ok, ok, How about if we split it?

Chandler: What do you mean, like, buy it together?

Joey: Yeah

Chandler: You think we're ready for something like that?

Joey: Why not?

Chandler: Well, it's a big--it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to

move out?

Joey: Why, are you moving out?

Chandler: I'm not moving out

(Roy enters the apartment)

Roy: Are you guys moving out?

Chandler: No.

Joey: No.

Roy: Then… why are you eating lasagnas on each other's laps?(mock shock) Are you guys... feeding each other?

Well, don't worry .I'll always support you. children.

Roy: Are you guys moving out?

Chandler: No. Joey broke the table… because he had sex with it.

Joey: No, I did not! What is wrong with you?

Roy: Alright, alright — stop your lovers' quarrel. Are you guys free tomorrow?

Chandler: Why?

Roy (smiling, not missing a beat):"Well, I'm actually here to ask if you two want to come to Florida tomorrow."

Joey (raising an eyebrow):"Florida? What's in Florida, huh? Are we talking Disney World, or just a giant alligator parade?"

Chandler (laughing, clearly making a joke):"Yeah, because Florida is totally the place you go to escape... the cold winters of April."

Roy (grinning, unaffected by Chandler's sarcasm):"No, no alligators or Mickey Mouse involved. I'm meeting some filmmakers tomorrow about an indie horror film, and I need to check out a few things. You guys wanna come? We'll fly out in the morning and be back by evening."

Joey (suddenly interested, his mouth full of lasagna):"Wait, hold on, hold on. You're going to Florida to invest in a movie? Like, an actual movie? Tell me more!"

Roy :"Yeah, it's a low-budget documentary-style horror film. The filmmakers are college students, but I've got a good feeling about it. I want to get in early before it blows up."

Joey (excited, wiping his hands on his pants):"Man, that sounds awesome! Horror movies always make bank! You know how many times people have watched 'Jaws'—like, at least 87,000 times. I'm in, Roy! Chandler, you gotta come too!

Chandler (rolling his eyes, still sarcastic):"Yeah, I'd love to go spend a whole day in Florida for the opportunity to make zero money. Sounds like a perfect way to end my day of productivity."

Joey (nudging him):"Stop it, Chandler. You know you're in. Roy, count me in. I'm all about that horror movie life. Plus, I can about a role in the movie.. Can't hurt to get a head start."

Roy (chuckling, already walking toward the door):"Great, then it's settled. We'll leave tomorrow morning, and I'll fill you in on all the details while we're there."

Roy:"Pack light, guys. We're gonna make this quick. And no, Joey, I'm not letting you use my seat on the plane to stash more sandwiches."

Joey (grinning):"Hey, you never know when I'll need a snack."

Chandler (smiling sarcastically as Roy leaves):"I guess we should just be glad you're not bringing a giant lasagna with you. 

Joey (excitedly):"Alright, Chandler, let's do this! Florida, here we come! And when I'm famous, I'm gonna make a movie about us!"

Chandler (half-smiling):"Yeah, How about we get super drunk and make a movie about it. I can already see the poster: 'The Hangover '."

( A cozy café in Florida, bustling with the sound of conversations and clinking cups. At a small table near the window, two filmmakers, Daniel and Eduardo, are sitting, sipping on coffee. They both look a little jittery, dressed casually but with a professional air about them.)

Daniel (nervously adjusting his glasses):"Okay, so this Roy guy is our big shot, huh? The potential investor who could change everything for us."

Eduardo (leaning forward, looking focused):"Yeah, but here's the thing: we don't know much about him. I mean, he's been involved in business, but indie stuff? I don't know. It's a gamble, man."

Daniel (grinning nervously):"I hear ya. He's not your typical studio guy, right? He's not throwing money around like it's confetti, so we gotta make sure we nail this pitch."

Eduardo (nodding, looking pensive):"Exactly. We don't know if he's into the whole indie scene, but if he is, then we gotta convince him that we're the real deal. We can't just say, 'We've got a camera and some passion.' We need to show him that we know what we're doing."

Daniel (glancing down at his notes):"Yeah, we gotta show him we've done our homework. Budget, marketing, ROI—he's gotta see that this isn't just a bunch of students trying to make a movie. We need to make it clear we're a good investment."

Eduardo (pausing to think):"And we can't be too polished, you know? We can't come off like we're trying too hard to be something we're not. We've got to be honest about who we are and what we're capable of."

Daniel (laughing nervously):"Yeah, I mean, we're college students with big dreams, not slick Hollywood types. But we've got a solid vision and the drive to make it happen."

Eduardo (smiling slightly):"Exactly. We just need to make him believe in that vision. If we can do that... maybe we can turn this thing into something big."

Daniel (raising his coffee cup):"Here's hoping. If we can convince him, we're one step closer to making this film a reality."

(Roy, Joey, and Chandler walk in, laughing and talking. They approach the table where the filmmakers are seated.)

Roy: Hey guys, I'm Roy — the person you talked to yesterday.

Daniel: Ah, yes. Hi Roy, I'm Daniel, and this is Edmurd.

Edmurd: Hi, Roy.

Roy: Hi, Edmurd. These are my friends, Joey and Chandler. In fact, Joey's an actor.

(Chandler and Joey say hi.)

Daniel: I see. Which films have you been in?

Joey: (awkwardly) Mostly regional stuff.

Chandler: (half-mockingly) Yes, Joey's a local star.

Roy: (smiling) Okay, jokes aside, let's talk business.

Daniel: Yes, let's.

Roy (serious now, looking at the filmmakers):"So, what's the pitch? What do you need from me?"

(Daniel and Eduardo exchange a quick glance, then Daniel starts speaking with more confidence, pulling up their presentation.)

Daniel (with passion):"The truth is, Roy, we're doing this on a shoestring budget. It's raw, real, and gritty, which is exactly what we think will set it apart. Horror fans today—they're looking for something more. They want something that feels real, not just like another slasher flick. The beauty of this movie is in its simplicity. We don't need huge effects—just a story that pulls people in and scares the heck out of them."

Eduardo (adding in, getting animated):"And we're going into it with the mentality that if this works, it's going to be a huge breakout hit. We know it's a risk, but it's one worth taking. We're college students—this is our passion project. And we believe we've got something special here. We just need the right backing."

Roy (leaning forward, intrigued but cautious):"I get it. I really do. But investing in indie films... especially from college filmmakers, that's a big risk. The returns aren't guaranteed. And the studios—well, they've got a way of squeezing every last cent out of these kinds of projects. So, why should I take a chance on you guys?"

Joey (cutting in, with his usual enthusiasm):"Hey, if this movie's anything like what you're describing. I can totally see it becoming a cult classic. People are gonna talk about it for years!"

Chandler (nodding, but being more cautious):"Yeah, Joey's right. It could blow up. But Roy's got a point. Indie movies are like high-stakes poker. You're putting up a lot of money with no guarantee you're gonna win. So, Daniel, Eduardo, how are you guys gonna make sure you've got a good shot at that winning hand?"

Eduardo (with a bright smile, leaning forward):"We've got our ducks in a row. The story's solid, and we're already working with a small, dedicated team. We know this movie's gonna hit people right in the gut—it's gonna make them feel something. We've been preparing for this moment for months, and we've got a clear roadmap for how we're going to market it and build an audience."

Daniel (confident now, looking at Roy directly):"We're all-in on this. It's not just about the money—it's about making something real, something that'll connect with people. We believe in it. And we hope you will, too."

Roy (sitting back, considering it for a moment, then smiling):"Alright, I'm sold. You guys have got the passion. You've got the drive. And honestly? That's what I want to see. I'll support you."

Joey (grinning, slapping Roy on the back):"That's awesome, man! We're gonna be making movies, Roy! This is huge!"

Roy (laughing, then looking at the filmmakers):"You guys have my backing. Just keep me in the loop. I want to see this grow."

(The filmmakers exchange smiles, clearly relieved and grateful.)

Daniel (grinning ear to ear):"Thank you, Roy. Seriously, this means everything to us."

Eduardo (with a firm handshake):"You won't regret this. We're going to make something incredible."

Roy (looking at the filmmakers, shifting the conversation to business):"Alright, guys. This all sounds good, but I need to know the numbers. What's the budget range you're working with here? I need to see the plan, the details."

Eduardo (nodding and pulling out a manila folder with documents, sliding it over to Roy):"Of course. We've put together a file with all the budget breakdowns. You'll see the different ranges we're looking at for the production, equipment, crew, and all the basics. We've made sure to keep it realistic but tight."

Roy (opening the folder, scanning the pages):"Okay, let's see here… Crew, equipment, location fees... looks pretty solid. And the final estimate..." (He pauses as his eyes scan the numbers) "Sixty thousand dollars, huh?"

Daniel (nodding nervously):"Yeah. We know it's not a huge budget, but we're making it work. We're not paying ourselves a ton, just enough to cover living expenses while we're working on the film. The rest is all going into the production."

Roy (raising an eyebrow, looking at both filmmakers):"Sixty thousand, and that doesn't even include distribution, right? So, how do you want to handle the investment? I'm willing to go in full, take care of the whole thing. You guys will have enough to cover director and writer salaries, no problem."

Eduardo (glancing at Daniel before speaking, a little hesitant):"We... appreciate the offer, but we're not comfortable with that, Roy. We've thought long and hard about this, and the last thing we want is for someone to have too much control over the project. We've worked hard on this, and this is our vision. If you came in for full funding, we'd feel like we're working for you, not making the movie we set out to make."

Daniel (quickly agreeing, a firm tone in his voice):"Exactly. We've put everything we have into this. We want to make it our work, not something that's dictated by someone else's vision. We respect your support, but we want to maintain creative control over it."

Roy (pausing, nodding slowly, taking in their words):"I understand. And I respect that. I've been in this business long enough to know when someone's got a real passion for what they're doing." (He leans forward, a slight smile on his face.) "Alright, here's what I'm willing to do. I'll go in for 50 percent of the investment. Thirty thousand dollars. You two keep full control over the creative side, and I'll just back the financial part of it."

Eduardo (visibly relieved, his shoulders relax):"Wow, thank you, Roy. Seriously, we were nervous about asking for that kind of deal, but we really need the freedom to make this film the way we want it."

Daniel (smiling, shaking Roy's hand):"Yeah, this is exactly what we needed. You're giving us the chance to make the film without compromise, but you're still giving us the security we need to get it off the ground. You don't know how much this means to us."

Roy (nodding, shaking their hands firmly):"Glad we could make this work. I trust you guys—just make sure you keep me updated on progress. I want to see this movie come to life."

Eduardo (with a grateful smile):"You won't regret this, Roy. We'll make sure it's something special. And once the film's produced, we'll set up a distribution company ourselves. That way, we can handle our own deals and keep everything under control."

Roy (leaning back, smiling):"Sounds like a plan. I'm in. Let's get this thing rolling, guys." Hey, what about Joey here? Think he could play a role in the movie?"

Chandler (chiming in with a smirk):"Yeah, I mean, he's got the 'character' for it, right?"

Joey (shaking his head, firm):"No, no, I appreciate it, Roy, but I don't want a role just because you're my friend. I wanna make it on my own, you know? Not as some charity case."

Eduardo (nodding, understanding):"Totally get it, Joey. But hey, we could still give you a shot—how about an audition? No guarantees, but we'd love to see what you can do."

Joey (eyes lighting up, smiling):"An audition? You want me to audition? Now that I can get behind. Yeah, I'm in! Let's do this!"

Roy (grinning):"Look at that, Joey, getting all serious about acting."

Chandler (playfully):"Yeah, who knows? Maybe Joey's the next big thing in horror films. I mean, if he can scream like he does every time someone touches his hair, he's got it in the bag."

Joey (laughing, a bit proud):"Alright, alright, but seriously, I'm gonna nail this. Thanks, guys."

Eduardo (smiling):"Looking forward to it, Joey. We'll set something up once the script is ready."

 INSIDE GIRLS' APARTMENT

Monica: Hey guys! How was your trip to Florida?

Roy: It was great!

Joey: Not just great, Monica — I got an audition for a movie!

Chandler: Yeah... as a witch.

Monica: [genuinely excited] Really?!

Joey: Yes! And also… Roy invested in the film!

Ross: So this is a group project now?

Roy: Well, technically, they offered the witch role to Chandler first — but he rejected it.

Chandler: [dryly] Ha ha. Funny.

Joey suddenly notices Rachel arguing with Paolo across the room. Phoebe sits on the couch nearby, looking dull and a bit guilty.

Joey: Uh… what happened to them?

Ross: [somewhat serious, but with a hint of excitement] Paolo made a pass at Phoebe.

Roy: Ugh, what a pig.

Chandler: Joey?

Joey: [quickly clarifying] He meant Paolo! Come on, man!

A/N: I know The Blair Witch Project has become a cliché in Hollywood fanfics, but it's one of those movies with a low production cost and a high return. I don't think anyone would pass on an opportunity like that. Thank you