Chapter 12
Before hunting for a new grinding spot, I finally decided to visit my subconscious—I'd been putting it off too long.
The subconscious greeted me with the same eerie gates. The lock and chains I'd put up during my first visit came off easily. Taking a deep breath, I opened the gates and stepped inside. Soon, I heard a familiar sound from my first visit, and its source was closing in fast. When THAT thing barreled around the corner at high speed, I nearly opened a brick factory. It was almost two meters tall at the shoulder, ten meters long, black, and looked like a hybrid of a Xenomorph and the bugs from Starship Troopers. The effort it took not to run was insane.
But when the beast got closer, I realized there was no threat—in fact, I felt completely safe. This Xenomorph was radiating joy and a ton of positive emotions directed at me. It was weird and unfamiliar but pretty nice, especially after the hatred and contempt I get in the village.
I rode the Xenomorph to the nest's center where the Queen lived—what a ride! It moved at insane speeds, on any surface, in any direction. I'm coming back here every day just to ride like that.
The Queen was awe-inspiring—despite her size, she moved smoothly and quickly. Oddly, I understood them perfectly. She begged me to bring more victims—three wasn't enough—and to do something about the grating keeping her from reaching the Fox. She had grand plans to turn my tenant into meat. I almost feel bad for the Fox. I assured her I'd handle it as soon as I could, then said goodbye and bailed back to the real world.
I decided to postpone finding a new grinding spot—the month-long sewer marathon had drained me mentally. The next week, I just wandered the village or stayed home, trying to recall the canon. Knowing the future makes planning easier and more profitable.
I remembered Naruto saving Hinata from bullies in the park, which made her fall for him. I can't miss that moment, or I'll lose my shot at Hinata—she's number one on my future harem list.
So now I've got to hang around the park a lot since I don't know the exact timeline. In the anime, they were still little—either pre-Academy or first year. Better to play it safe and start patrolling the park now.
POV: Danzo Shimura
Reading an urgent report on the jinchuriki, I was both surprised and pleased. An operative assigned to the jinchuriki described how, after handing off surveillance at the target's apartment to a replacement, he headed to base via the rooftops. On the way, he spotted the jinchuriki in an alley far from his home. Choosing to continue observing, he saw the target approach a sewer manhole, say something, jump in, and climb out almost immediately. The target then walked to a nearby shadow and vanished into it. Despite being a skilled sensor, the operative detected no signs of technique usage, and inspecting the area revealed nothing to explain the target's stealthy disappearance.
Meanwhile, the operative still at the apartment reported the target never left. But cross-referencing the timelines showed the target was in the bathroom for six minutes at that exact moment.
This suggests the jinchuriki has some spatial technique, though that's unlikely. More probable is a new, enhanced kekkei genkai allowing near-instant shadow teleportation.
Further observation revealed the jinchuriki moves through shadows multiple times a night—from his apartment to sewer manholes, jumping in and out, then returning the same way. Tests showed that barriers of any strength or complexity around his teleportation spots don't hinder him—he doesn't even notice them.
Detailed analysis of the jinchuriki's blood samples revealed anomalies likely responsible for this ability. Experts estimate an 83% chance these anomalies are hereditary.
Hiruzen likely doesn't know about this enhanced kekkei genkai—otherwise, surveillance would be tighter. We can't let the clans, especially the Nara, find out. They wouldn't be allowed to control the jinchuriki, but nothing would stop them from slipping a girl from their clan into his life.
The potential of this kekkei genkai is immense—bypassing barriers and detection seals undetected is perfect for assassination missions and more. But it's also dangerous; the jinchuriki could leave the village unnoticed, and finding him would be near impossible. Mental triggers are out due to his mind protection, he's too old for them now, and restrictive seals might disrupt the Eight Trigrams Seal, risking the Fox's release.
We'll have to use old-fashioned methods: strengthen his loyalty to the village and secure children with this kekkei genkai. The candidate for his "friend" will need to be swapped out due to gender mismatch.
I'll select suitable candidates from those training as honeytrap kunoichi—better yet, two or three. We'll need a believable backstory for them, ensuring no trails lead back to Root, and thorough instructions and incentives for the candidates since we can't use seals on them either. There's a lot of work ahead.
While resting from sewer runs and searching for a new grinding spot, I sorted through my backlog. I dumped all my earned stat points into Control. Meditations and training with chakra and mana paid off, and other skills leveled up too. Skills improved fastest when brewing concoctions with mana or chakra—like that first sludge I made, which got way deadlier after adding mana.
I also converted my pile of Minor Essence Crystals into regular ones—despite buying food and ingredients, I had a lot. I couldn't resist buying a drum, spending over half my hard-earned crystals. It came with a book of shaman songs and dances. Now, alongside morning workouts and meditation, I practice this art too.
Recently, something wild happened—the system gave me a quest. Here's how it went down: After patrolling the park, I was heading home when I passed an alley and saw two boys, about eight years old, both black-haired and black-eyed, with a fan-like crest—Uchiha, though it looks more like a fishing float to me. They were bullying a girl their age. She looked like an Uchiha too, minus the crest. One held her by the hair while the other lectured her.
I kept walking—I'm not a hero for hire, and I don't save everyone. As a villager, she's automatically on my blacklist, and I won't lift a finger without a benefit. But a few steps later, the system hit me with a quest.
Param-pam-pam.
Quest Generated: "Damsel in Distress"
Save the girl from bullies.
Reward: 500 EXP, +4000 reputation with the rescued, one skill of your choice from the available list.
Penalty for failure/refusal: None.
Accept: Yes/No
Needless to say, I sprinted back at lightspeed after accepting. I strolled into the alley casually, acting like I didn't notice anything, just passing through. The two stopped what they were doing and stared at me. I kept up the oblivious act as I approached. When I got close, I used my "Heel to the Nuts no Jutsu" on the nearer one, taking him out of the fight for good. The other one didn't freeze—he shoved the girl aside and charged me.
He was older, bigger, faster, and clearly trained in taijutsu, unlike me. But I had experience from thousands of rat fights, dodging like a snake on a skillet to avoid being eaten, plus higher endurance and health, which also regenerated. I dodged some hits, and the ones I took didn't do much damage. He tired out fast, started missing, and eventually went down for a nap.
The first guy got up, so I hit him with the same technique in the same spot—they won't need those anyway; Itachi's wiping out the clan soon, except for Sasuke. After a thought, I gave the second guy the same treatment—fair's fair.
The system reported the quest's success. I was about to head home to pick a skill in peace, but the girl I'd saved stopped me—I'd already forgotten about her.
I couldn't shake her off quickly. She bowed and thanked me for a couple of minutes, then unloaded a torrent of info about herself. She talked like a machine gun, jumping from one topic to another. My brain blue-screened on minute two. From her ramble, I got the gist: her name's Tsukiko Ichiha, she lives with her grandpa and helps at his shop selling random junk. I couldn't figure out why the Uchiha were after her—maybe her similar surname, or they thought she, a poor girl, was disgracing their great clan by looking like one of them.
I didn't care. After barely escaping Tsukiko, I got home, flopped on the bed, and opened the skill list.
Choose one skill from the available list:
Elemental:
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Neutral:
??????????????????. ????? ? ? ????? ?????. ??? ? ????? ????? ??? ???. ??????????? ?????? ??????.
Spatial:
?????????? ??????? ????? ???. ???????? ??????? ?????????.
What a scam—again! Why can't I have things like normal people? Oh right, I'm not human. It could've been worse. Elemental skills offer a decent variety, likely elemental techniques, but they're useless to me with my weak elemental affinity. Neutral ones are trickier—probably non-elemental stuff like Henge or illusory clones. Spatial skills are more interesting. I only know of Flying Thunder God, so there's a 50% chance it's that. But any instant movement skill would be handy for a tactical retreat in a pinch.
Let's cross our fingers, pray to the God of Games, and pick the second spatial skill.
Param-pam-pam.
Congratulations!!!
Skill Acquired: "Panty Thief's Dream" Level Over 9000.
"Panty Thief's Dream":
Upon physical contact with the target, instantly transfers their underwear to your inventory.
Cooldown: 1 minute.
Mana/Chakra Cost: 3 units.
I'm starting to think I've pissed off not just the former Angel of Death and his boss, but the God of Games too—what did I even do? Maybe it's just my luck.
The system decided to cheer me up with another quest.
Param-pam-pam.
Congratulations!!!
Quest Generated: "In the Footsteps of the GREAT PERVERT"
Obtain 10 pairs of panties from young kunoichi.
Reward: 1000 EXP, Henge technique scroll.
Penalty for failure/refusal: None.
Finally, a normal quest with a clear reward—not a pig in a poke. With my new skill, this'll be a breeze. I'll start as soon as I recover from the last one.
But my plans didn't survive reality. In anime and books, you beat up bullies, save the girl, and everything's great—she falls for you, and the bullies disappear. Not for me, at least not the last part. Those two lookalikes ambushed me the next day while I was out to do the quest. With the element of surprise and their numbers, the result was predictable—they beat me to a pulp.
But I'm not one to hold grudges—I'll get revenge and forget I did, then keep going.
To prepare my vicious payback, I paused the quest and focused on prep. Beating them up now felt too tame—I needed something nastier, but non-lethal.
The revenge plan came together fast; I just had to get everything ready and execute it. Prep took three days. I bought permanent, non-washable hair dye in soft pink from the game shop. The rest of the time, I brewed potions. After my first brew—made for cover but turned out to be a potent poison—I'd been buying ingredients, gathering others, and experimenting. With no internet, books, or games, I had to fill my days somehow.
I made some useful concoctions, like a paralyzing one—tests showed a rat couldn't move for five minutes. Another caused itching, giving three minutes of unbearable scratching; I tested that one on myself, sadly. I made several explosive mixes—most blew up during brewing.
The ambush I set up worked. The paralyzing potion kicked in, but it only lasted 40 seconds, so I couldn't apply the dye evenly. I had to use the 101st karate technique while they were still recovering. They walked around with pink-and-black hair for a week.
Our little war didn't end there. They ambushed and beat me again—no creativity at all. Naturally, I started planning my next move, spending days experimenting and using up my last crystals on ingredients, forcing me back to rat genocide.
After many failures, I got what I needed. My reputation with my watcher dropped to nearly -2000 during this. It started tanking after my first failed experiment—a pot exploded, but I was fine since I got yanked aside. The worst part? I didn't even notice him. He's like a gopher—you don't see him, but he's there. He's listed as "Cat" in my reputation log, but I call him Gopher on principle.
I finally got a good look at him during another failed experiment. He yanked me aside again, but some of the mix splashed on him—not the first time. Instead of jumping out the window I keep open during experiments, he bolted to the bathroom and locked himself in for two hours. Looks like I made a "Sudden Diarrhea" debuff.
I should refine and stabilize that mix—it'd be a terrifying weapon. I've got a couple of "volunteers" in mind for testing.
Sadly, I couldn't catch them—they got too cautious, avoiding my ambushes and traps. I had to resort to extreme measures. I put on the dress, dyed my hair, and grabbed my latest brew, which the system labeled "Hair Removal Solution." It permanently removes hair, leaving skin smooth and silky. I could sell it as a depilation product and get rich.
Luck was on my side this time—I caught them separately. They'd let their guard down after I stopped ambushing them for just two days—their mistake. It was simple: get close (they'd never recognize me like this), use "Puss in Boots Eyes" to make them grin like idiots, then hit them with "Knee to the Nuts no Jutsu." I'd douse their soon-to-be-bald heads with the solution, cackle evilly, and move on to the next one for a repeat.
When these newly minted Buddhist monks realized their hair wouldn't grow back, they lost it. In our next clash, they tried to stab me—I've got a couple of extra holes in my body to prove it—but their clansmen saved them. I was about to use "Death God's Visage."
Then the "forest ranger" showed up and broke it up—not a ranger, but the Hokage, same difference. The Third tried to brainwash me again with his Will of Fire spiel, saying we're all leaves on Konoha's tree, blah blah.
I countered with an equally heartfelt speech, leaning hard on the Will of Fire, emphasizing that they started it, and I was just protecting a poor, weak girl those nasty Uchiha were bullying.
After ten minutes of my monologue, the Third remembered he's the Hokage with a busy schedule and vanished—literally, leaving just a puff of white smoke.
These Uchiha are ungrateful jerks. I noticed both had awakened their Sharingan—one tomoe each. Where's the gratitude for helping them unlock their dojutsu and saving them money? They'll save a fortune on shampoo now. Though they've got reason to be mad—I applied the solution unevenly and took their eyebrows too. But that's no reason to stab me with a kunai. Maybe I'll brew a calming potion next.