My last walk home

I, as a person, find it extremely difficult to express myself. I hope other people can see and understand what I mean when I write. I hope people can feel related to and understood. But should you actually expect from me as a writer and this as a novel? This novel is not supposed to be happy, I don't have a plan for where it ends and my idea may change as I move ahead. I want this novel to reflect attachment, understanding, longing and desire. Not just in a romantic way. Mesai has been through a lot, she is supposed to be a more morally gray person. She is supposed to reflect how victims don't realise they are victims. She is supposed to reflect how some people blame themselves even if they're not at fault. Mesai is supposed to reflect how people change how people grow. She is supposed to reflect how once a connection is destroyed, it can be difficult to reconnect. How you begin questioning simple things like someone wanting to be your friend. She is supposed to reflect how someone hates connection but longs to have one. The novel I hope will impact other people the same way writing it impacts me. I would love to answer questions people ask and I would love for people to enjoy the soul I have given to what I write.