CHAPTER ONE

MY CHRISTMAS BY AVA DAVIES

6:45 AM

Roused by the sound of my mom's vomiting, she is well into her third month of pregnancy now. According to her obstetrician, all the throwing up should stop in the next trimester. I couldn't wait; I had been marking the days off on my *NSYNC calendar. (I don't really like *NSYNC; at least, not that much. My best friends, Diamond and Selena, bought me the calendar as a joke.)

7:50Am

Mr. Rolland, my new stepfather, knocks on my door. Only now am I supposed to call him Jeremy. This is very difficult to remember, due to the fact that at school, where he is my third-period algebra teacher, I am supposed to call him Mr. Rolland. So I just don't call him anything to his face. "It's time to get up," Mr. Rolland says. "We have to leave now if we're going to beat the traffic.

8:55Am

There is no traffic this early on Christmas Day. We arrived at Mr. Rolland's parents' house in Sagaponack three hours early. Mrs. Rolland (Mr. Rolland's mother, not my mother – my mom is still Evie Davies, a well-known painter under that name, and also because she doesn't believe in the cult of patriarchy) is still in curlers. She looked very surprised. This might not only be because we arrived so early, but also because no sooner had my mom entered the house than she had to run to the bathroom with my hand pressed over her mouth, due to the smell of the turkey. Since the smell of meat cooking used to make my mom hungry, not nauseated.

My mom had already informed me in the car on the way over from home that Mr. Rolland's parents are very old-fashioned in their thinking – no wonder he behaves like a dork and dweeb. She doesn't think they will appreciate hearing my traditional Christmas Eve speech. One thing is for sure: Grandma Davies won't give up easily trying to make me the perfect princess material. Lexy is actually the princess, but she's still young. Ironically, Grandma Davies is against me being friends with Diamond and Selena because she feels they're not the right type of people for me. However, since Lexy likes Diamond and Selena, she helped me convince Grandma that they're perfect friends for me.

9:55 AM - 11:45 AM

On arriving at Mr. Rolland's house, I became bored within five minutes. I wished I was at the Davies mansion, where Dad would have started cracking jokes (not funny ones, but bad ones) and Lexy would have begun singing her silly school rhymes just to irritate me. I would have started getting on Grandma's nerves, too. Even though Grandma Davies doesn't always show me love and affection, I know deep down she loves me.

Later that morning, I watched Milly's Christmas Day Parade (Candy Cane Lane) with the senior Rollands. The experience was weird, mostly because Mr. Rolland kept making stupid comments throughout the show.

12:00 PM

Mr. Rolland's junior sister arrived with her husband, their two kids, and a pumpkin pie. The kids, who are my age, are twins - a boy, Neo, and a girl, Beverly. I knew right away that Bev and I wouldn't get along. When we were introduced, she looked me up and down like the cheerleaders do in the school hallway. In a snotty voice, she said, "You're the one who's supposed to be a princess?"

"What the hell, am I not perfect?" I thought. I don't get how she can see me and say that. I know I'm mature for my age, but I don't get her criticism of my looks. I'm perfectly aware that I'm curvy, with big boobs and perfect curls. But who cares about her?

Not that I actually don't care about Mr Rolland's niece Bev's thoughts about me. But look at her - she's wearing a real pony skin miniskirt. She must know a horse had to die for that skirt, but she doesn't care. I don't like Bev much. Neo, on the other hand, is just an asshole. He played a nasty prank on me, and I sat on a pumpkin pie. The jerk didn't even apologize.

Bev pulled out her latest mobile phone and went outside, despite the 30-degree weather. She has that pony skin to keep her warm, after all. She kept looking in at me through the sliding glass door, lounging and talking on her phone. I don't care about her or whoever she's gossiping about me with. At least I'm not wearing murdered equine skin.

Neo wore baggy jeans and had the latest iPad, plus lots of gold jewelry - what a show-off. He asked Grandpa if he could change the channel. Instead of traditional Thanksgiving viewing options like soccer, rugby, or Lifetime's TV movie marathon, we were forced to watch MTV 3. Neo knew all the songs and sang along, despite the bleeped-out profanity. I wished Dad was here; we would've made fun of Bev's bent leg or Neo's long nose. This twin has so many faults as a human being.

1:00 PM

Lunch is served, and we start eating.

1:15 PM

We wrap up our meal.

1:20 PM

I help Mrs. Rolland clean up. She says, "Don't be ridiculous; go have a nice chat with Beverly." It's frightening to think about how clueless old people can be sometimes. I don't like that mannerless girl, Bev.

Instead of chatting with Bev, I call Dad and Lexy to gossip about Bev and Neo. They laugh a lot, and Lexy even gives them funny nicknames: "Bendy Leg Bev" and "Nosey Neo."

Later, I tell Mrs. Rolland how grateful we are to have Mr. Rolland, her son, living with us. Mrs. Rolland is immensely gratified to hear this; you can tell from all the sweet smiles. Old people love hearing nice things about their kids, even if their kids, like Mr. Rolland, are 39 and a half years old.

3:00Pm

"We have to leave if we're going to beat the traffic home," I say.

I say goodbye to the twins. Bev doesn't even look at me; her eyes are glued to her phone. Neo, however, does. He advises me to "be careful of him" and to "keep it real."

Mrs. Rolland gives us a lot of leftover turkey. I thank her. I love turkey, but I always pity those helpless fowl whenever a holiday rolls around.

6:30 PM

We finally make it back into the city after spending three and a half hours stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the Long Island Expressway. Though, if you ask me, there's nothing very "express" about it.

I barely have time to change into my glamorous yellow princess gown and silver heels before the limo honks downstairs.

Finally I slip into my stunning yellow princess gown, its silk fabric shimmering in the light, and step into my silver heels, feeling like royalty. The limo's honk outside breaks the spell, and I grab my clutch, ready to descend into the evening's glamour.

Nathan, my cute bodyguard and driver, arrives to escort me to my second Thanksgiving dinner.

7:30 PM

I arrive at the Plaza Hotel and am greeted by the concierge, who announces me to the masses assembled in the Palm Court: "Presenting Her Royal Highness, Princess Ava Mignonette Grimaldi Davies Renaldo."

Ugh, why the formal intro? He should have just said "Ava."

My father, the King of Genova, and my grandmother, the Dowager Princess, have rented the Palm Court for the evening to throw a Thanksgiving banquet for their friends. None of my friends are invited.

Sometimes Grandma doesn't think I'm princess material, so she's still subjecting me to daily princess lessons. I mean, I'm seventeen years old - I'm big enough to be who I want to be. I do have some ideas about how to act, for crying out loud.

Grandma's idea of an "old-fashioned" Thanksgiving dinner features mussels in white wine sauce, squab soufflé with foie gras, lobster tails, and Iranian caviar - a delicacy previously unavailable due to the embargo. She's invited 200 of her closest friends, plus the Emperor of Japan, his wife, and son, who are in town for a world trade summit.

The emperor's son keeps flirting with me, but I'm not interested. I only like Noah Elvis. When he asks if I have a boyfriend, I say "yes." He asks if my boyfriend is rich, and I say "yes" again. He becomes annoyed, stands up from his seat beside me, and goes to sit with his parents. "Mom's boy," I think.

8:00 PM - 9:30 PM

I make polite conversation with the Empress while we eat. She's surprisingly down-to-earth, considering her royal status. "I was just a normal person, like you," she says, "until I married the Emperor of Japan and became royal."

She tells me she likes me and even jokingly makes a marriage proposal, which I decline in a cheerful way. Thankfully, she's not offended. "I wish you could come to Japan for a holiday," she says, "but I'm sure your parents would never allow it, even if your grandmother tries everything in her power."

The Empress and I chat extensively, sharing laughter and stories. She offers valuable advice: "Always ensure your kimono is securely fastened before waving to the populace." I thank her, smiling inwardly since I don't actually own a kimono.

"As we dine on exquisite Japanese cuisine, the Empress's warm smile puts me at ease. The soft glow of the chandeliers and the gentle hum of conversation create a cozy atmosphere, making our conversation feel more intimate."

9:30 PM

I'm exhausted, having gotten up so early to go to Long Island. I've yawned twice on the Empress's face, trying to hide it the way Grandma taught me - by clenching my jaw and refusing to open my mouth. But it only makes my eyes water and stretches my face like I'm hurtling through space-time.

Grandma gives me the evil eye over her salad with pears and walnuts, but it's no use. Even her malevolent stare can't shake me from my state of extreme drowsiness.

Finally, my father notices and grants me a royal reprieve from dessert. "Time to go, Ava," he says with a smile.

Nathan drives me back home. Grandma is clearly upset, but she can't show it in front of her guests .

"Grandma's eyes narrow, her disappointment and frustration palpable. I know she wants me to make a good impression, but I'm too tired to care. As we leave, I feel a twinge of guilt, knowing I've let her down."

10:00 PM

After a long and exhausting day of Thanksgiving, honoring the founders of our nation - those genocidal hypocrites known as the Pilgrims - I finally go to bed.

"As I drift off to sleep, I wonder what next year hold for me .Will I still be pretending to be a princess? Or will I find the courage to forge my own path? Or will I ever be with Noah or I will my single for the rest of my lonely life?"

And that concludes Ava Davies's Thanksgiving.