chapter:36 Oppai
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"Um, G-Good day, Emiya-san…" Asia greeted, the Faker turning to find the blonde Bishop smiling shyly at him alongside her friend Kiriyuu Aika, a girl who was apparently Motohama rival for the title of 'Pervy-Glasses', though unlike the trio, she limited herself to giving others, typically Asia, perverse love advice "Are you feeling better?"
"Ah, much better, thanks for asking." Shirou assured her, still marvelling at the speed with which he'd recovered as he clenched his left fist for emphasis. While nowhere as near as demanding as it had been in his world, it typically took half a day's rest for him to recover from loosening The Shroud.
"Hm, oh yeah, you were off sick for a day right?" Aika noted, adjusting her glasses thoughtfully "Or at least that's the official story, you sure you weren't just playing hooky?"
"Hooky?" Asia repeated, blinking in confusion only to flush as her friend whispered something in her ear "A-Aika-chan!" she chastised, her features embarrassed "Emiya-san wouldn't do something like that!"
Shirou didn't know what the girl had been told, but he was fairly certain that, under normal circumstances, he would never purposefully miss a day of education. Maybe it was due to having grown up under the watchful eye of Fuji-nee. Oh who was he kidding? It was precisely because Taiga had been left in charge of his upkeep he wouldn't skip class, the Faker shivering as he recalled her threatening aura. "Any word from Kiba-san?
"Sadly, no." Asia admitted, the little devil slumping in depression as she hung her head, earning a quirked brow from an inquisitive Aika "We haven't found any trace of Xenovia-san or Irina-san either."
'And with Hrunting gone I've no way of tracking them.' Shirou muttered, his expression hard as he tried to find a bright spot in this situation, glancing down at the tip of the Shroud of Martin peeking out from his blazer sleeve, wondering he should bother Activating the Artificial Phantasm to gain Archer's tracking skills.
"Gotta admit, I never took Prince Charming to play truant like this." Aika noted, stroking her chin thoughtfully "It's kinda refreshing to know he's just as flawed and human as the rest of us."
'Except he's technically a Devil'. Shirou deadpanned, a sentiment he apparently shared with Issei, the perverted Pawn sidling over, leaving Motohama and Matsuda's twitching corpses behind, Asia chuckling weakly at her friend's naivete.
"So, Hyoudou." Aika greeted, smiling like the cat that got the cream at the pawn "We still set to go bowling and then Karaoke this weekend? Or did Prince Charming cancel?"
"Seems like it." Issei confirmed with a sigh, shooting an irritated glare at his so-called 'brothers in arms' as they picked themselves up "Dammit, and I was so looking forward to watching Koneko-chan and Asia-chan sing!"
"What am I? Chopped liver?" Aika muttered, though her tone made it clear she really wasn't bothered at all. Indeed, the girl seemed to embody all the sassier elements of Rin with a more laid-back attitude, though thankfully she was nowhere near as perverted as the elder Tohsaka sibling.
'I don't know whether to feel embarrassed or jealous …' Shirou muttered, glaring down at his wrapped arm pointedly as he tried to banish the image of Aika and Rin making out while he, or a version of him more likely, looked on stupefied until the Tohsaka heiress dragged him into the tangle of limbs.
"Humph, chopped liver is far too good for you, Kiriyuu." Motohama shot back imperiously as he adjusted his glasses with a condescending sneer "Seriously, who'd pay to see a stick like you get up on st-AAAAGH!"
"MOTOHAMA!" Matsuda cried, looking on in horror as his friend was sent tumbling backwards ass over tits, Shirou having backhanded the bespectacled pervert right in the schnozzle, shattering his precious 'Three-Size-Scouters' in the process "Damn it, Issei you traitor! Since when the hell did you two get so buddy-buddy?"
"We're not." Shirou cut in, earning an odd look from the pawn, as if he were torn between being hurt and agreeing with him. "I just thought I heard a fly buzzing around and tried to swat it."
"Heh, fly is right, Emiya." Aika cut back with a smirk, her glasses glinting menacingly as she glanced at the downed Motohama and Matsuda "Though considering how unimpressive they are, gnat would be more appropriate." She smirked at a confused looking Asia even as Matsuda grimaced and covered his crotch "Don't worry, Asia-chan, Issei's nowhere near as pathetic as those two." She chuckled as the pawn covered his crotch "Not too big but not too small either, perfect for a girl's first time, though I wouldn't go so far as to call it 'Main Character' material."
"Oi! Kiriyuu!" Issei choked, slapping his hands over Asia's ears in an ironic bid to protect the innocent devil's purity "Stop saying that weird stuff around Asia, you sexual harassment demon!"
"Look who's talking…" Shirou scoffed, the Faker honestly amused by the sight of the perverted trio, two of them anyway, being outdone at their own game, and by a girl no less.
"Sh-shut it!" Issei stammered, glaring at the faker pointedly, all the while keeping his hands plastered over Asia's ears "Acting all big all the time, you think you're so much better than me, don't you?"
"On a basic, fundamental human level? Yes." Shirou shot back, earning an amused scoff from Aika "Then again, humans will typically learn from example, something tells me you'd be just as likely to peek on girls changing now as you are a hundred years from now."
"You're just saying that because you fail to understand the majesty of Oppai!" Issei persisted, releasing Asia's ears to clench a fist dramatically, Shirou looking on in disbelief as the Gremory Pawn began to shed honest to God tears "Small or bountiful it doesn't matter, Oppai are heavier than life itself!"
"You're an idiot…" Shirou sighed, too exasperated by the Pawn's idiocy to even feel disgust for his antics even as Matsuda and a revived Motohama knelt before their friend, shedding tears at his wisdom while a pouting Asia pinched his cheeks, only relenting when he paused to answer his cell phone text, eyes widening at the contents.
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