Chapter 4: The Letter I Never Gave You

She had spent hours trying to get his smile right.

The drawing sat on her desk, half-shadowed by the late afternoon light — a pencil sketch of his face, careful and soft, the way she remembered him on good days. She had erased and redrawn his eyes more times than she could count, not because they were wrong, but because they made her feel too much.

It wasn't just graphite on paper. It was a quiet confession.

And with it, she planned to give him a letter — the first real one she ever wrote for him.

She remembered whispering to herself as she began it: "Okay, so I'm finally writing this."

Not as a love letter, not exactly. Just... an honest letter. A piece of herself, wrapped in courage and folded neatly behind every line.

She poured everything into it — the gratitude she couldn't say out loud, the quiet admiration she had carried in secret for so long, the hope that maybe, somehow, they could be real friends.

It wasn't dramatic. It wasn't poetic.

It was human.

She wrote about the perfume — how she hoped it made him smile, how it wasn't meant to confuse him or make him uncomfortable. She just wanted him to feel appreciated. To feel seen. She told him she understood if he didn't feel the same, that she wasn't expecting anything. She only wanted to be known — even just for a moment.

She signed it with shaky hands, folded it once, and placed it behind the drawing like it was something sacred.

But when the time came, she couldn't do it.

Because by then, he had started looking through her. Walking past her in the hallways like she was made of fog.

She waited by the door of possibility, letter in hand — but he never slowed down long enough for her to reach out.

And something in her told her not to force it.

What if it made him uncomfortable? What if it ruined whatever fragile, invisible peace still lingered between them? What if he threw it away — not out of cruelty, but indifference?

So instead of giving it to him, she slipped the letter and the portrait into a drawer at home, tucked beneath old notebooks and tangled earbuds.

She told herself it didn't matter. But every time she opened that drawer, it ached.

Because the truth was: That letter had been a piece of her heart, spoken in ink when her voice had failed her. And she would never know if it might've changed anything — even a little.

Maybe it was better that way. Maybe some letters are meant to stay unread.

Maybe some people are only meant to be loved from a distance — quietly, respectfully, with enough space for them to walk away without ever knowing they were the reason someone else found the courage to feel deeply.

And so, she kept the letter.

Not for him.

For herself.

Because even if he never read it — she would always remember the day she was brave enough to write it.