LIFELONG GOAL

I am not a queen because I rule. I rule because I am THE QUEEN.

Birthed in my heart, alive in my veins…

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Zorgan had anticipated a strike across his face or a heave of words that were very capable of sending him to hell early on.

What he had not anticipated was Nadezhda guffawing so loud and hard that her shoulders quivered and rocked. So hard that the rim of her eyes held tears and she had to sit by the edge of the bed to catch her breath.

When she lifted her face to his, there was a slight redness to her cheeks.

‘‘Forgive me for all the things I have said to you Prince. I didn’t realize you were acting that way because you are… simply deranged! It’s Understandable!

I must now bid you farewell. But I must state, seeing as I’m still in my last night’s clothing and from the little knowledge I have amassed, I believe nothing went on between us.

Please remain here, I’ll send in a Physician to assess your condition’’

With that, she stood up, walked past a bewildered Zorgan, and fled the room. Zorgan looked at the closed door wondering how long it would take for her to realize the depth of what was going on. It was clear that she was still in the highest state of denial.

Once she was outside the room, Nadezhda gathered a good length of her gown and sprinted as fast as her bare legs could carry her. She took two unfamiliar turns during her race and kept looking behind her to ascertain that the demented Prince was not chasing her.

She had her attention to the side when a door was suddenly opened. She ran right into it and fell back.

‘‘Oh Heavens!’’ The person who was exiting the room exclaimed.

Nadezhda groaned as she placed a hand on her forehead. Moisture gathered at the edge of her eyes and she prayed she wouldn’t need to nurse a swelling.

She looked up and sighed when her memory acknowledged who her eyes were meeting. It was one of her half-sisters who had gotten married when she was still a little girl. She was not in the spirit of entertaining the presence of a royal from another kingdom and so she was relieved.

The half-sister extended a hand to Nadezhda and helped her up. ‘‘Sorry Dezh, I was in a hurry and didn’t notice you.

Come in let me apply some ointment to that. Father will not wish to meet you like this’’

Despite the pain she was in, Nadezhda’s mind was very much awake and she speculated on the reason this family member of hers was saying more than two words to her. And more importantly, ‘Did she just refer to me as Dezh? How does she know my name? And we aren’t even close for her to shorten it.

Or maybe it’s because my name is sort of long or…this morning is just really strange’

‘‘Thanks, but I will be all right. And I have no plan of meeting with Father today, so I will be just fine’’ Nadezhda said with an awkward smile. She nervously hoped her words would be brushed off as a joke. This sister of hers was being nice and it was only proper for her to act normal.

“How is that possible? But you are the reason for the meeting with Father’’

Nadezhda blinked once. Then twice.

“I am?” She asked disoriented and baffled. The half-sister looked at her like she had turned daft overnight but she decided to explain.

Typically, she wouldn’t have bothered, but nobody could have imagined that mulish and quirky Nadezhda - whose late mother was just a random princess who had been opportune to have a night with the King - had managed to draw the interest of someone like Zorgan. It still felt like an illusion to many and Nadezhda was part of the ‘many’.

“‘You walked into the gathering last night, clambered onto a table and…’’

By the end of the narration, Nadezhda could be considered as inanimate. Not a twitch of her facial muscles, not one flutter of a lash, not even a heartbeat.

‘‘Dezh-” The sister started when Nadezhda made no sound but Nadezhda cut into her words.

‘‘Where is the meeting taking place? Tell me, Where is Father?’’

“At the Keep Tower with our siblings. You will need to-”

Nadezhda did not wait to hear more as her legs carried her faster than her heart that had resumed its beating. She didn’t know what she was feeling at the moment and that was if she was feeling at all.

With every area she passed on her way to the Keep Tower, understanding began to dawn on her and so did scenes from last night. It was like her brain was waiting for someone to inform it of what it already knew.

“So be it! Drag her to the gallows.

That woman is my wife!

This is my dream, you shouldn’t be here!”

Commander Zorgan carrying her away from the gathering. Zorgan taking her to his room. She kicked him away from his bed and threatened to deprive him of his manhood when he was about to lie beside her.

And then she went out like a light…

Nadezhda stopped running as her lungs scratched for air urgently. The tower was barely fifty paces away and her eyes eyed it wantonly.

She couldn’t see the maids and Royals who were watching her run wild and barefoot because the next phase of her life played out in front of her.

The life she would be forced to live if her father dismissed her pleas. ‘Oh Heavens I pray’

And then she was running again. This time, she didn’t stop till she got to the tower and burst through the door where her father and a good number of her siblings were seated.

Her father’s eyes lit up on seeing her. ‘‘Dezhda. I’ve been awaiting you.”

Then his eyes assessed her slowly as did the others in the room.

Then concluded, opinions projected as questions and faux concerns were catapulted from both sides of the room.

‘‘Sister, were you running?

Why are you without shoes?

By this time of the day, why do you look this way Nadezhda?

You need to be better. You have to be better.

Appearance is everything especially now that Commander Zorgan-‘

‘‘Keep your opinions children. You are only here because you have to be.

Dezhda, my child, the world is aware that I am the King of Isoloth, but I will always be your father. You did not have to hide the fact that Commander Zorgan is smitten by you. Now tell me-”

Nadezhda did not know if she should feel comforted that her father was not bringing up her foolhardy acts of last night and, for once, was properly looking her way.

Or if she should feel terrible that no one was distressed about these sudden changes in her life and was willing to allow her to marry someone whose reputation is only great on the battlefield.

For the past three years, she has rejected many Noblemen and Royals of high caliber, and her reason had been simple.

She didn’t want to live the rest of her life under the control and wishes of another. Just the way her mother had. Just the way her mother had been discarded…so easily.

She felt a sickening weakness within her and her knees caved, faltering and sending her to the floor. The seated in the room peered at her astounded.

“I apologize for last night, Father, and I am eager to do anything to redress my behavior and endure whatever repercussions I receive.

But I will not be getting married to the Commander.

I’d rather die than be hemmed in a marriage I never consented to.

Please, Father. I promise never to be so foolish again. I Promise! But help me out this once”

The King of Isoloth looked at his daughter, at an intentional loss. He refused to decipher the meaning of her speech.

“Your death will have no impact on Isoloth.

I have afforded you numerous chances to spurn other requests over the years, but not this one. Never this one.

You will get dressed and be whatever Commander Zorgan wants you to be because your King commands it. After all, it is what is right for Isoloth, and because this is your first prospect at being something other than a disgrace.” Her father thundered, his countenance ablaze.

With tears in her grey orbs, she looked towards her brothers, their wives, and her sisters. They all looked away, a silent confirmation that they were supporting their father.

Like they had ever supported her.

‘Just what I envisioned for my lifelong happiness’ Nadezhda reflected silently.