He’s Not My Mate

*Ainslee*

Laughter spills from inside our house. I stand outside with my arms wrapped tightly around my body, watching the familiar forms of our neighbors’ pass between the candles lighting the small dwelling and the windows. A smile takes over my face. I can’t remember when I last heard that sound—laughter--but it makes me happy to know that, at least for one night, some of the people in the village here can find something to be joyful about.

“Cold?” Lenny’s voice cuts through the darkness as he comes to stand next to me.

“A little,” I admit. The two of us back further away from the house, finding shelter beneath our favorite pine tree. We’ve spent many hours sitting here together, discussing the fate of Beoutown and our fellow wolf shifters. I’m always cynical and pessimistic. My pragmatic friend often reminds me that things tend to work out for the best. I’m not sure I agree with that, but today I feel more hopeful than I have in years.

Beyond the tree, the moonlight gleams on a crumbling brick wall. It’s not tall enough to keep anyone in or out at the moment, but it’s a constant reminder to me that I am trapped.

Trapped in this village.

Trapped in this life.

“You know, that wall used to be part of the barrier meant to protect us from the vampires.” I can tell Lenny is in a better mood than usual because he’s waxing philosophical, something he normally doesn’t do.

We’ve sat here so many times together, and he’s never made a remark about the wall before. “I thought it was just something a farmer put up to keep his livestock from escaping.” I’m fairly certain that my father, or someone, told me that when I was younger.

“Oh, no.” Lenny is certain. “It used to be ten feet tall and wrapped all the way around Beoutown. Of course, that’s not what it was called back then. My grandfather says a lot has changed since his childhood. He shakes his head and laments for the good old days.”

I ponder his words, not sure what to say. I’ve heard some of the elders of our town talk about how things were different when they were our age, but they don’t go on about it because they’re afraid to. The Blacks and other town leaders encourage citizens to stay focused on what can help us today, not wishing away the present because of the ways of the past. Besides, the mayor and his family have it pretty good right now, so why would they ever need to change?

“Well, it certainly doesn’t do anything to keep the vampires out these days,” I mutter, pulling my skirt down around my legs. It’s getting colder every day. Soon, we’ll have our first frost, and then, our normal miserable days will become almost unbearable when the snow starts to fall. There’s not enough firewood, even though we’re surrounded by forest. The vampires have put limitations on what we’re allowed to chop down.

My mind goes back to the questions Zeke asked me earlier. Why was he so confused? I’d gotten the impression that he was one of the more powerful vampires of the group that visited our town today, maybe even one of the most powerful vampires in the kingdom. How did he not know the laws his own kind had put into place for us? Is it possible he is new to his position?

Kris certainly had his theories about what is wrong in our village. Irritation overcomes me just thinking about him. Jackass. I hope he’s gone, and I never see his face again.

But that other fellow….

“What are you thinking about?” Lenny places his hand on my leg, something he does when he wants to get amorous with me. Most of the time, we keep our distance and are just friends, but Lenny has urges. He says he can’t help it; they are part of being an adolescent wolf shifter of the male variety. I’m not so sure about that, but I always give in a little, mostly out of curiosity and because he’ll just continue to bug the shit out of me until I do.

“I’m thinking about them,” I admit, not even wanting to say the word again. “Wondering why they were here.”

“You need to let it go.” His voice has a warning tone. “No good can come of your run in with the vampires, Ainslee.”

“I beg to differ.” I turn to look at him, the whites of our eyes gray in the dim light. “I fed a lot of people today.”

“You could’ve gotten a lot of people fed on,” he reminds me. “I mean, just because those vampires ended up being considerate about the misunderstanding, that doesn’t mean what you did was right.”

The urge to argue bubbles up inside of me, like it always does. My mother says I have an insatiable need to be right. I see it as a strong sense of justice. I hate it when things aren’t fair, and right now, Lenny’s words to me are not objective. “Lenny, it wasn’t a misunderstanding. That jerk knocked my bread into the mud puddle. What was I supposed to do? Just let him go on without saying a word?”

“Yes,” he says quickly. “He could’ve killed you right there in the street, and you wouldn’t be here to argue with me now.”

“I’m not arguing with you.” Exasperated, I shake my head.

“Your not arguing sounds a lot like arguing.” He chuckles, but I’m growing more annoyed by the second. The weight of his hand on my leg increases. “Let’s not fight, Ainslee. I’m just worried about you. I hope this is all over, but you know how the Blacks are. You stepped out of line, and there’s a good chance they’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again, one way or another.”

He’s right, and I hate that. Not because I mind having someone else point out where I’ve made a mistake but because it makes me fearful. What if the Blacks decide to make an example out of me for stepping out of line? What if they punish me for causing a scene?

The fear of my own people flows even more deeply than my concerns that the vampires will come back looking for me.

I’m pulled back to the present by the soft noises Lenny is making as he leans toward me. He wants to kiss me. I can tell by the way he keeps licking his lips and biting down on the bottom one, but I’m not ready for it yet. “If anything happens to me, you’ll look after them, won’t you? Brock? Sinead? And my mom?”

I hope he will laugh and reassure me that nothing will happen to me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he gives a half-hearted shrug. “Yeah, sure.”

Swallowing hard, I try to determine exactly that that’s all about. Does he know something I don’t? Why wouldn’t he just say I’m being silly or at the very least jump in to tell me he’ll protect my family to the death?

“Have you heard something?”

The question hangs between us as he contemplates his response. “Not exactly. Some of the people in town earlier were discussing the fact that the vampires had to be here for a reason, and there’s usually only one reason why they start nosing around.”

“Looking to raise prices and taxes?” The Blacks have a lot of control over that, but they answer to the vampires. My forehead furrows as I try to figure out what he’s talking about.

Lenny shakes his head. “No, Ainslee. A culling.”

All the blood in my body turns to ice as a shiver goes down my spine. “What? No. We just had one of those. We can’t have one again so soon.”

“It’s been two years.” He seems nonchalant about it, like it’s not a big deal to him. “They can call one any time they went to.”

Shaking my head, I refuse to hear what he’s saying. “It’s supposed to be every five years.”

“The law says at least once every five years but possibly as frequently as every eighteen months. If they feel we’re not pulling our weight, they can call one whenever they like.” Lenny moves his hand higher up my thigh, and I let him.

“But we have to be pulling our weight. Everyone gives blood as often as they can.” This isn’t due to our loyalty to the vampire king as much as it is because we can’t eat if we don’t donate. Sure, there are wild berries and nuts in the woods sometimes. I know there are other people who sneak off to hunt or fish despite the laws. The farmers and ranchers eat better than the rest of us, as do their friends, but for the most part, people don’t skip donating because they need the money.

“They can do whatever the fuck they want to, Ainslee. Just like the Blacks and the sheriff. And we’re old enough now, you know?” His fingers dig into the flesh at the top of my thigh. I let them.

I know we are old enough. The day I turned eighteen, it was the first thought in my mind, before I even opened my eyes that morning.

“If anything ever happens to you, Ains, I don’t know what I’ll do. I think I’d die.” He leans closer to me, his mouth beginning to pucker as he closes in.

I want to laugh. He’s just reluctantly acquiesced to possibly helping my family if I die, but now he can’t imagine life without me. He’s just trying to butter me up.

It’s not necessary. I’ll let him kiss me, like I always do. I feel nothing while his mouth is on mine, but I’m a teenage girl. I’m supposed to have some sort of experience before I meet my mate, aren’t I?

As his lips press against mine, I close my eyes, trying to feel ambivalent about what he’s doing. For some reason I can’t explain, a face I’ve only glimpsed once comes to mind. Smooth, fair porcelain skin, bright blue eyes, dark hair that fans around his ears, perfect pink lips that pull back to reveal gleaming white teeth that are sharp but don’t seem deadly. The perfect muscular body that could easily fight off anyone who dares to threaten me.

Why the fuck am I thinking about that vampire who ruined my family’s food for the day?

I have no idea, but I try to push his image out of my mind. When Lenny twists his tongue around mine, I want to pull away but don’t. What if it were that vampire kissing me now? Would his fangs sink into my lip? Would he rear back and bite my neck?

I’m jarred from my thoughts when Lenny’s hand slips up my side toward my breast. I raise my palm to block him. Recoiling from his kiss, I warn him. “Don’t.”

Lenny sighs, keeping his face too close to mine for my eyes to even focus. “Why not? Why do you let me kiss you but never let me touch you?”

“You are touching me. You have been touching me,” I remind him.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. We’re mates, Ainslee. We have to be.” He shakes his head, like he thinks I’m crazy and my only job in life is to torment him.

I’m not sure what to say. I know he thinks, or hopes, we will find out that we are mates soon, but I’m not sure what I think, or hope, at this point. “We won’t know for a while,” I remind him.

“I already know.” He pulls away from me, his tone conveying his frustration.

I let out a deep breath, not sure how to respond. I want to go back inside, but I don’t want to make him angry. My life is already messy enough without me causing my best friend hate me. All I can say is, “Okay. I’m going to go make sure Mom isn’t making herself too tired.”

With that, I pull myself out from under the tree. He groans a little, probably irritated that I’m leaving, but what else can I do? I like Lenny a lot, but I’m not in love with him, and I don’t want to lose my virginity for the sake of keeping someone else happy.

As I make my way back inside, I know something has to change. I need to get out of this place. I’m stuck here—stuck in life, stuck in every way possible—and until I can figure out a way to break free, nothing is ever going to change.

I keep telling myself that once Brock and Sinead are old enough, I’ll be able to find a way out of here, maybe go to a new village, start anew.

But I have no idea how I’m going to wait that long.