The Brother with the Kind Eyes

Ironically, I woke up to a headache. You would think with the amount of Advils I took, I'd be cured of headaches for at least a day. 

But when I opened my eyes and I was still in Damiano Gusto's room, I understood that the headache came from disappointment. 

I closed my eyes, cursing inwardly, holding back tears that my plan did not work. I swallowed a lump, pushing down the feeling of dread, the feeling like there was no way out, and I might just be stuck. 

I looked around again. 

I was hooked to an IV and a silent monitor. I also noticed I had been put into new and warm clothes. 

I looked to my side and was almost startled by Damiano's sleeping face. He was sitting straight up, hands crossed over his chest on a chair next to me, head back and fast asleep. His hair was disheveled, and his brow furrowed, even in his sleep. I noticed a cut on his lip, which wasn't there earlier today. 

He looked like he always did, only less vile and with his grey eyes hidden away, less intimidating. No wonder I hadn't noticed him, he slept soundlessly. 

From an outside perspective, he was sitting beside a woman he cared about while she recovered from a suicide attempt. 

But even while he slept, looking almost innocent and almost worried next to me. I wish I had a gun, or a sharp knife to stab him with, or even just enough strength to strangle him. Him sitting beside my bed while I recovered wouldn't change the fact that he was insufferable, and had somehow managed to keep me alive without taking me to a hospital. I had to give him props; he was as smart as he was insane. 

I turned away from him, feeling disgusted the more I looked at him, and even though his eyes weren't open, I could tell he would feel victorious. He won this round, but he still had me caged as his prisoner. 

I didn't know when I fell back asleep, but when I opened my eyes, Damiano was standing staring down at me with worried eyes, and just when our eyes met, I saw what looked like relief flash through his eyes. 

I was sure it was relief, because after a second of holding my stare, I saw his tense shoulders relax, not completely, but enough for me to notice. 

His hands were folded, and he wore the same thing from yesterday, when I had woken up to see him sleeping next to me. Which was also the same outfit he had on during our last meal together. Right before...…the failed incident. 

His grey eyes seemed kinder than I had ever seen them. I was wrong to expect to see a victorious gleam in them. Instead, what I saw was a mix of emotions: fear, relief, regret, and something else. 

His eyes had an apology in them, and if it weren't him, I'd say he felt scared. Like, even though he looked into my very much alive eyes, he still looked scared, almost like he was too afraid to look away, for fear that I'd shut my eyes again. 

Just like he looked last night. 

The memory of him in the bathroom last night, me in his hands, his eyes pleading, just when I had opened mine for a second, the way he had called my name desperately, like he pleaded with me. I winced at the fact my mind chose to remember that, making me view him differently just now, when those eyes looked almost like they did last night. 

Human. 

"Sibel", he spoke first. My name comes out low, and his voice sounds rougher, breathless. Almost like he said my name in apology and also in gratitude. 

I looked away, shaking off whatever I had just felt for him. I was still his prisoner, he was still my captor. Monster or man, he was still my captor, who held me captive and was smart enough to keep me here even when I had almost died. 

I heard him walk away, then heard him pour something into a glass. He walked over to me, stretching his hand that held a glass full of water. 

"Drink", he said. 

I looked down at the glass of water, then back at him. The glimpse of humanity I was seeing earlier was barely there now. Even his voice sounded almost like before. He was back to his normal self. 

I turned the other way, pulling the blanket. Ignoring him. 

"Is this the next plan? 

Dehydration?", I heard him say. 

I said nothing, not moving or reacting to him at all. 

"I knew you were stupid, Sibel, but I never took you for foolish. 

What was the plan exactly? 

Leave me and meet God instead?" his words were harsher, his tone scolding. Each word was a blunt yet painful dagger to my now fragile self-esteem. He didn't need to say it; I felt just as stupid, yet hearing it from him was even worse than the gloating I had expected from him. 

I heard his breathing get heavier, and I was sure his body must have tensed like it always did. Then I heard him leave, slamming the door behind him, almost making me jump. The composed man I knew seemed gone, less patient. And now? Furious. 

I just stared at the wall, trying not to dwell. I could tell that it was almost noon by the way the sun crept into the room. From what it looked like, it was probably a beautiful day outside. 

I bit my lower lip, holding back a sob as the situation of what just happened and where I am dawned on me even more. I pushed down my tears, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that this ordeal was bringing me to tears. 

I had just tried to escape from my captor by committing suicide, only to wake up and feel more trapped than I did before. 

"Good afternoon. 

I like this breathing much better", the voice sounded almost like Damiano's but not quite, he had a hint of an Aussie accent, and his voice sounded kinder. 

I wasn't going to turn around, but my curiosity got the best of me. 

I was glad it did when I looked over at him. He looked exactly like Damiano but with emerald green eyes, a slimmer figure, with a wide smile that I could only imagine would look like Damiano's if he smiled as well. 

He had a stethoscope around his neck, indicating he was a doctor, probably the one who saw me yesterday and hopefully the one who undressed me. 

"I'm Matteo Gusto", he said softly. Answering my question, he was Damiano's brother, probably even his twin, with how alike they looked. 

I turned fully to him and sat up, saying nothing. 

While I sat up, he reached to help with my pillow, putting it upright so I'd lean on it. 

I just stared at him, looking for what to say. 

"You seem to be doing much better. 

I assume you not reacting to my brother is choice, an understandable one, might I add", he said. 

I just looked at him, taking in all his features. His skin was just like Damiano's, the only striking difference was his eyes. They were beautiful, emerald green, so hard to miss. 

"How are you feeling?" he asked, patiently, might I add. Keeping a safe distance from me, looking at me kindly, almost like he was worried. 

His question didn't sound professional, it sounded more personal. Like he wanted to know how I was. So the complete opposite of his brother. 

"How do you think?" My voice came out croaky. 

I saw him look away, his eyes darting away, avoiding mine.

Then he looked back at me, then sighed, almost like an indication that he felt powerless. 

He couldn't possibly be powerless, could he? Against his brother? 

Maybe he could help. 

"I don't expect you to be fine, you've gone through something so traumatic. 

But I'm glad you made it. Yesterday was a very close call. If Damiano were a second later, you might not be here", he said, his eyes showed more emotions than his brother's. Everything he felt, I could see on his face. He felt sorry, disappointed, not in me but in his brother. 

"And I should be thankful for that?", I spat on instinct, my words almost coming out too loud, tears threatening to real ease just at the back of my throat. 

"I can't defend Damiano, I'm not here to defend him. 

I'm here for you now, it might not mean much, but I'm glad you made it", he said, moving closer but not too close. 

"Hard to believe what you say when you're here talking instead of trying to help me. 

You're just like him", I said, the last part more to myself than him. 

He looked kind, but I wasn't going to be that stupid. He might just be a better liar. 

"I don't expect you to trust me right away, but I assure you. 

I'm not leaving you here. 

Not alone with him", he said, moving even closer. 

If he were lying, he was amazing at it. 

"You have every right to feel however you want to feel. 

I can't imagine what you must be feeling, but I need you to be strong. 

What just happened could either break you, or give you more reasons to keep fighting him".