April 10 "Se-Jin Shadow"

Dear Diary,

I saw him today.

Se-Jin.

Of course I did. The universe has a cruel sense of humor — like it can't stand the idea of me healing without a few well-timed punches to the ribs.

It happened after class. I'd just turned in my final edits for that cursed essay. I should've felt proud — relieved, at least. But instead, my stomach was twisted, and my chest felt too small. Probably because I hadn't eaten. Probably because I'd dreamed about Jung-Kyo again last night.

Not in a romantic way — not really. Just… a memory. That car ride. The quiet. His jacket still hanging from the back of my desk chair like a ghost that refuses to leave. And maybe I don't want it to.

Anyway.

I was walking through campus, headphones in, trying to decide between ramen or crying for dinner — when someone grabbed my wrist.

 It was gentle. Not violent. But it still made my blood freeze.

"Mi-Chan," he said.

Se-Jin.

I didn't turn around right away. I didn't have to. That voice — it's carved into my spine.

He looked the same. No — worse. Better? I don't know. He looked like him, which meant I immediately wanted to throw up and run and scream and cry and nothing all at once.

"What do you want?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

He gave me that sad-boy look he always used when he wanted me to forgive something unforgivable.

"To talk," he said.

1:08 PM I wish I'd walked away.

God, I wish I had.

But I didn't.

I followed him to the courtyard. The one behind the art building — the same one where he kissed me for the first time.

He sat. I stayed standing.

He said he'd made a mistake.

He said he missed me.

He said she didn't matter — that she was just "noise," that it didn't mean anything, that he got scared because I was too much.

I laughed. Right in his face.

Too much? Me?

I wanted to scream that I made his life easier. That I gave him my heart wrapped in paper-thin grace, and he stomped on it like it was gum on his shoe.

But all I said was: "You don't get to want me now."

That's when he grabbed my hand again.

But before I could yank it away — someone else appeared.

Jung-Kyo.

1:12 PM He didn't say anything at first. Just stepped beside me, calm and still — but I felt the tension in the air shift like a storm had just entered the chat.

Se-Jin blinked. "Who's this?"

Jung-Kyo didn't answer.

Instead, he looked at me. Only me. Like I was the only one that mattered.

"You okay?" he asked.

And Diary, I almost broke.

Because nobody's asked me that and meant it since this whole mess started.

I nodded.

Then — without touching me, without a single gesture that could be misread — he simply said, "Let's go."

And I followed.

1:24 PM We walked in silence. My hands were shaking, and I didn't even realize it until he gently handed me a bottle of water he pulled from his coat.

I took it.

"Was he your ex?" he asked after a while.

I didn't answer right away.

"Yes," I said finally. "Was. I don't know what he is now. A bad memory with a face."

Jung-Kyo didn't comment. Didn't try to give advice or tell me what I already knew.

He just said, "You don't owe anyone your forgiveness. Especially not someone who treated your love like an inconvenience."

That sentence stuck.

Because it sounded like he wasn't just talking about me.

It sounded like he knew the script too well.

2:10 PM We ended up sitting under a tree near the back parking lot. Cherry blossoms falling around us like snow from another world.

He didn't talk much.

But his presence was an anchor — quiet, heavy in the right places, steady in the wind.

At one point, I asked, "Why are you always there?"

He looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Whenever I'm falling apart… you just show up."

He smiled a little. Not smug. Not knowing. Just soft.

"Maybe I'm just on the same path," he said. "You're not as invisible as you think."

I didn't know how to answer that.

So I didn't.

I just let the moment breathe.

6:14 PM I'm home now.

Chae-Sun's out. The apartment's quiet.

His jacket is still on my chair. I should return it. But I keep touching it — not in a weird way. Just gently. Like it holds some of the calm I'm still trying to borrow.

Today shook me, Diary.

Not because of Se-Jin.

But because, for the first time, I didn't feel like his shadow.

I felt like someone worth defending.

And Jung-Kyo… he didn't save me.

He just stood beside me until I remembered how to stand on my own.

That's the kind of strength I didn't know I was allowed to receive.

And maybe — maybe it's the kind of strength I want to keep close.

– Mi-Chan