Chapter 7: The Orange Idiot’s Terrible Idea
The next morning, I sat on the roof of my house, notebook in hand, eyes half-lidded as the sunrise painted the sky.
Troublesome.
After yesterday's Talent Show disaster — or triumph, depending on how you measured it — I should've been laying low. But my mind was spinning with new story ideas.
Kasuma's next mission would involve a rival brothel owner, twin sisters, and a cursed towel. The details wrote themselves.
I checked my system panel.
[Fan Count: 9,721]
[New Comments: +83]
"Wanderer Old Hag-sama's live performance was life-changing!" — PervyTiger92
"Who is this genius?!" — HiddenMistFanboy
I smirked.
At this rate, I'd hit 10,000 fans by tonight.
A new skill choice.
Probably a Fire or Earth release ninjutsu, or maybe a Yin-type genjutsu to mess with Asuma.
Troublesome sensei deserves it.
As I was mid-daydream, a voice shouted from below.
"Oi! Shikamaru! You lazy bum! You up there?!"
I sighed.
The unmistakable screech of Uzumaki Naruto.
I peeked over the edge of the roof.
There he was. Orange jumpsuit blinding in the morning light, one hand waving like he was signaling a supply ship.
"What do you want, Naruto?"
He grinned. "Got a favor to ask!"
Nothing good ever started with that.
I groaned, but climbed down.
Naruto practically bounced. "Okay, listen. There's this awesome writer, right? 'The Wanderer Old Hag!' Total legend! And I thought… what if I got written into one of his books?"
I stared.
Blink.
Blink.
This idiot had no idea he was standing in front of said author.
I faked a yawn. "Sounds like a hassle."
"C'mon, man! You're smart! You know people, right? Maybe you've heard where Old Hag hangs out?"
"Why do you even want to be in those books?" I asked.
He grinned sheepishly. "Well… Sakura-chan's a fan."
I choked.
"Wait… Sakura reads those?"
Naruto nodded. "Yeah! She borrowed one from Kurenai-sensei. Said she only reads it for the 'plot.'"
He made air quotes.
I nearly passed out laughing.
This village was more corrupt than I thought.
Naruto was still rambling. "So — if you find out where Wanderer Old Hag is, tell him I wanna be in a story! Like, Kasuma's super cool sidekick! I'll help him beat bad guys and save hot girls!"
I pictured Naruto's name slapped onto a pervy side character.
Kasuma's Annoying Fox-Faced Apprentice.
Tempting.
I rubbed my chin. "Alright. I'll… keep an ear out."
"Awesome!" Naruto pumped his fist. "Oh — and if you do meet him, tell him Naruto Uzumaki's a big fan! Biggest fan!"
[Ding!]
[New Fan Gained: Uzumaki Naruto]
[Fan Count: 9,722]
I raised an eyebrow.
So even this idiot was counted.
Naruto scratched his head. "Anyway, gotta go train! Later, Shikamaru!"
He sprinted off, tripping over a vegetable cart in the distance.
I sighed and pulled out my notebook.
[Kasuma's Apprentice: Annoying Fox-Faced Kid. Rank: F. Special Ability: Never Shuts Up.]
Perfect.
Later that day, I met Asuma at Training Field 5 for our daily 'team bonding.'
Which was code for me pretending to spar, Choji eating snacks, and Ino yelling.
But today, the whole village was buzzing.
Asuma rubbed his chin. "Heard from the market stalls — rumor is Wanderer Old Hag's next book's coming soon."
Ino perked up. "Really?! I still haven't recovered from Chapter 43! That cliffhanger was criminal!"
I blinked.
Asuma chuckled. "Y'know, some folks think Old Hag's actually a shinobi. No way a civilian writes battle scenes that accurate."
"Maybe it's one of us!" Choji grinned.
I gave my best innocent shrug.
"Who knows?" I said.
[Fan Count: 9,831]
It was building.
Asuma crossed his arms. "If I ever meet that writer, I'm buying him a drink."
I smirked. "I'll let him know."
That evening, after fake-training and dodging chores, I sat by the river outside the village walls, notebook in hand.
The sunset was good writing light.
I was mid-sentence —
'Kasuma's hand brushed against the kunoichi's bare shoul—'
[Ding!]
[Fan Count: 10,000]
[New Skill Selection Available]
A glowing screen popped up.
Choose One:
- Fire Release: Great Fireball Jutsu
- Earth Release: Earth Wall
- Yin Release: Illusionary Sound Trap
I tapped my chin.
Fireball was flashy.
Earth Wall useful.
But Sound Trap…
A genjutsu technique using subtle ambient sounds to trap enemies in harmless but hilarious illusions.
Like hearing phantom toilet flushing mid-battle.
Perfect.
I selected Yin Release: Illusionary Sound Trap.
A pulse of warmth filled my head as the knowledge downloaded itself into my brain.
"Troublesome… this'll be fun."
I jotted a quick test run.
Formed the seal.
Suddenly, the sound of twenty screaming cats echoed behind me.
A passing chunin tripped into the river, shrieking.
I snickered.
This was the start of something beautiful.