misery loves company

"Your highness, lady dumont has arrived" the unfamiliar door creaked opened leading me to what looked like an office space. Something doesn't feel right, the prince is here but so are his 3 friends and a girl with pink hair. That must be the fling he has been running after for some months now.

"Lady clarisa dumont, greet the small sun of the empire"

"Come in, take a seat" his voice is the same as usual cold and spiteful. Throwing some papers in front of me as soon as I sit down.

"Sign it" who does he think he is? Am I supposed to sign a random document before reading it. 'Dissolution of engagement'

"Your highness, i do not understand " why is he bringing this up now? What am I supposed to do? In less than 2 month I was supposed to be free. Why now after all these years. I never once opposed his relations with other women if anything i even encouraged it with my silence.

"It's just as it says, I want to break off the engagement "

"May I ask why your highness"

"How rude to question an imperial prince, even if you are a dumont"

"It's fine Aiden, its a simple question to answer. Lady clarisa, I'm in love with lady Estella and I plan to marry her" he took the hand of the pink haired lady sitting beside him as she smiles awkwardly. Estella? Love? Then what about my salvation? Do you expect me to trade in myself for your love?

"And if I decide not to sign the papers"

"Lady clarisa" i never cared enough about anything in this world to begin with. My world was divided into 2, magic and then everything else. It was a way for me to protect myself from getting hurt by people but right now I'm regretting it. When I heard he had been chasing after one lady for months I should have looked into it. I feel so stupid. I have known all this while that I couldn't plan my life out yet I was complacent.

"Aiden i told you not to interrupting the conversation " I scan the room waiting for someone sensible to speak up but I was met with silence. All four men looked at me like I was the only crazy one in the room and the lady just kept her gaze down as if ashamed of the current situation.

That's right I'm used to this, whenever my life is spiraling I'm used to everyone just acting like that should be the normal thing. It's almost as if this world was built on my suffering. Should I just burn it all up? I don't know how long has passed in this crazy silence but I can finally hear myself think clearly. Why do I have to be trapped in hell alone? You love her and want to marry her fine, go ahead but I'll make sure to trap you in hell first. Maybe I can share my misfortune and misery with you.

"Your highness, I'll sign the papers but in return i want you all to listen to what I have to say without interrupting or holding me in contempt for my words" there is no reason for me to hold onto you any longer. You may hate me but I hate you even more.

"What are you scheming now?" There he goes again, acting like I have ever done anything to hurt him.

"It's my last selfish request to you" I'll never let you be happy. You sit there with a woman you love and expect me to just accept it. I'll leave you scarred in ways you can never imagine. I'll make you realize that you are nothing but trash.

"Do as you will, I will not hold you in contempt but if you refuse to sign the papers I may just kill you right here" I scoff 'kill me!!! like you can' drinking from my cup, I breath slowly.

"Your highness i know you always hated me..... but you see, i hate you twice as much if not more" he flinched a little shocked at my words. I could here some groans and sighs as if they were holding themselves back from attacking me. Did he expect me not to hate him after all these years. Closing my eyes

"Your highness what are the color of my eyes" i could feel his gaze but there was no reply from him.

"We have been engaged for the past 12 years, you go around screaming you hate me because i have sinned against you yet you don't know the simplest thing about me." I could see his obvious discomfort as his gaze lingers trying to guess what my intentions were. Estella sat there just taking in everything I say.

"I was just a child Your highness, just as you were forced into it so was i. What was a 6 year old supposed to do to oppose her family" no don't have that look on your face, you don't deserve to feel bad now. Don't regret things now, that way I can continue to resent you without remorse.

"When I met you for the first time, I cried out silently to you. An abused child forced to be with a man who hates her for no reason. Do you know that in this empire there are many who hate the emperor?" they all looked at me shocked as i spoke of the emperor, but you gave your word. A knight wouldnt go back on his word now, would he?

"But those people still look forward to the crown prince's reign as emperor. Not once did they extend their hate from the emperor to the crown prince because they know he is not responsible for the emperors action" I sip from my cup.

"You think you hate count dumont? I resent him" they all looked shocked. I wonder what kind of face I'm making right now, its the first time I'm talking about loathing the count. I wonder if my voice is trembling right now, but I'm so angry, I'm livid. I want my words to be heard, I want the world to see me as Clarisa and not clarisa dumont.

"I hate him so much and I resent you for hurting me because of him. Did I ever harm you your highness? What harm did i ever cause to you? Why did you hurt me so? Everytime I came to the palace as a 6 year old I prayed that one day, one day you would look at me and all you would see was a broken child in need of salvation" I wonder if my words are getting to them.

"Each time I would hope, i would silently hope you would look at me long enough to see my agony. I've lived in hell for the past 18 years and your highness was one of the people who dragged me there. I was already in hell for 6 years and then your highness shoved me into the deepest part and told me that salvation would never come for me." it was like they all just realized actions have consequences and that words can hurt just as bad as a sword.

"All I ever did to you was be born as a daughter of house dumont, but your highness hurt me like I was the one who choose what family i was born into. All I ever did... my only crime was praying for salvation. All I ever wanted was salvation and in a month I was about to get it, but here you are once again reminding me that salvation will never come for me.The salvation I always wanted was right in sight, i could already feel it but here you are once again stealing my salvation away." I laugh slightly. I'm so over this now. Snatching the papers I sign them, standing up and bowing for the last time.

"Clarisa dumont of the dumont household greet the 'impartial' small sun of the empire" Yes that's the look I want on your faces, you will never forget all your actions of the past 12 years. Today will haunt you as the day you realized that you ruined my life. Everyday will be a uphill struggle for you as you wonder what you could have done differently. Each time you hear my name you would wonder if there was something you could have done differently so we could both have our happy ending. I turn away and walk out the door.

"This is the personal hell I'll leave you trapped in for eternity"

"My lady, what are you going to do now?" I hadnt thought about it honestly. The count has probably heard from his spies by now. He must be waiting to jump on me the moment I walk through the door. I don't care though. I'll just use the same method I've been using for the past 6 years. A smile spread across my face. I wonder what face you will make 'father'.

"My lady has been waiting for the past 12 years just for his highness to break things off. His lordship will be so angry. What are we to do?" Sarah was crying hard now so I moved over to her and hugged her tightly.

"Everything will be fine, knowing the count he would try to arrange my marriage to someone else just to keep his pride as a noble." That's right, I don't care who the partner is all I know is once I'm no longer a dumont I'll be free to run as wild as I want.