Filled with guilt.

Zen's POV:

When I saw her in the hallway of the 'Sugar entertainment', pain etched on her face, I wanted to tear apart the world. I wanted to go somewhere and kill myself. She has been in pain and I was not even aware of it. I thought I have been doing well by keeping my eyes on her but no, I have failed. I have failed once again.

Her animosity against me, everything makes sense. I have never deserved her. She is too good for me. All I have ever done is to ruin her and the wounds that have been given to her by me and by my family, they are still fresh. Even though I was really hoping for her to be okay now. So, there would be a teeny tiny chance that she might consider forgiving me. However, I think this is my punishment.

"Louis, I need to talk to Elle's doctor." I called my assistant immediately. I need to know what is going on with her in order to fix an appointment with the doctor in China.

"Got it, Sir." He quickly got to the given task. Meanwhile, I stayed in my car, in front of her apartment while my eyes were glued to the wear down building. Her apartment is so tiny, damp and dark that I have no idea how she is managing to live there.

"She will kill me if I bring up the idea of another place, right?" I muttered to myself and punched on the steering wheel hard.

Elle is so close yet so far to me and this is not the first time I am in such a position. When we got married, it was the same then too. I could have her but I could not. Even now there is so much that I want to do for her but I can't. I hate myself. I hate myself for being so helpless.

Soon, I received a call from the doctor who operated on her leg in England. Although it was 3 in the morning, he still immediately called me back. Well, it is worth all the money that I have spent.

"Hello, Mr. Warner." He said.

"Hi, Dr. Morin." I was in a haste. The pain which she was bearing, I could tell that it was not something that could be taken lightly, "I am sorry to disturb you at such an ungodly hour but I need to ask you something urgently."

"Yes, please."

And I explained all of the situation to him. I don't know why after I was done, I was breathing heavily. It was like I just finished running a marathon. Damn, I should have been good to her when she was around. Why did I let my parents dictate my life? Moreover, it was my decision to marry her. It was me who asked.. no practically begged grandpa to convince Mom and Dad to let me marry her. But I knew, this marriage would fall apart the second grandpa wouldn't be around.

It was my own greed which brought me to the point of never going back.

"Mr. Warner, at the time of the accident she suffered a great nerve damage. It is a miracle that she is able to walk after therapy else she wouldn't be at this point either." He exhaled. Every single fucking word that came out of his mouth, it was causing me to collapse.

"It is not possible for the nerve damage to be healed completely. However, the pain cannot be only triggered by the trauma but one of the main reasons is also stress. You said, she did not experience such pain in the past, right?"

"I guess so." That's what she told me earlier and according to my sources, she never went to the hospital nor I found her location at the hospital before.

"She must have been under great stress to be like this." He concluded, "I have a fellow doctor in China. I will send you his address and will discuss Miss. Wang's case with him. He is good. You can trust him with the treatment." He made it much easier for me. However, just when I was about to hang up and suddenly said, "There is one more thing-" He was hesitant.

"What is it?" My heart started palpitating.

"Miss. Wang never finished her rehab. No matter how much I convinced her, she told me she does not want to do it anymore as she cannot afford it."

Dr. Morin is the family doctor of the Warner family. Thus, he is fully aware of all the messy situations between I and Elle.

Meanwhile, I wanted to hit my head against some wall. Money has never been a problem for us but her pride is too big to let us take care of her. She neither accepted alimony nor she let me pay for the treatment. I still have no idea how she managed to pay for the plastic surgery. There is just so much that we do not know about each other.

"So, there is a great chance that she never recovered completely." He said, adding more to my concerns. I suddenly felt a sharp wave of migraine. Thus, I shut my eyes as I massaged my temples.

"I will send you the details regarding the doctor I just talked about but I will prefer it if she would fly back here and I will look after her condition." He said cautiously.

Meanwhile, I know that Elle would never do this. In fact, I do not know how I will take her to the doctor here. She is just so hell bent on defying everything that comes out of my mouth. Well, it's not that I am complaining. I brought this upon myself.

"That wouldn't be possible, Dr. Morin." I refused him politely, "I am going to trust you on this. I know the doctor that you will choose, he will be one of the best."

I even asked him about the precautionary measures to stop her condition from worsening, we talked some more and after I was done talking to him, I was extremely worried.

"I will never forgive myself. I will not forgive you either, Mom, Dad." For the first time in my life, I had something to complain about my parents. They are good people, really good ones but I don't know why they were so bad to Elle. It's not like she has ever done something to harm them. It was just that their pride was hurt. It was difficult for them to tolerate someone that was not worthy of their status as their daughter in law.

'One day, I will give you everything back, Elle. The respect you deserved, your dreams and my name.' I said to myself. After glancing up at her apartment once more, I drove off.

It was me who fell for her at the first sight. It was all me who convinced grandpa to let me marry her. I knew my parents were going to oppose us, but I was being delusional by thinking that time will heal everything and one day they will end up changing their minds. However, that never happened. I never showed my affection to her 'cause deep down I knew that if I did this, my parents would never like her but I did not know that they would never like her either way. With the passage of time, their behavior with her started to get worse. It got so bad that they even went to the lengths of hiring someone to kill her. It was a massive relief that Elle survived that horrible accident and when I got to know that she was hurt because of my parents, it was impossible for me to carry on with this marriage. I was scared. I was scared of losing her forever. Thus, I had no choice but to sign those damn divorce papers.

I am more than shocked to know that she was more hurt by the fact that I divorced her first. Only if I can go back in time. Trust me, my life is filled with all sorts of regrets the second she steps into it. I want to make everything right. I really do but this is going to take a while.

"Baby steps, Zen. Baby steps."

The chain of my thoughts was broken when I realized that I had arrived at the penthouse where I am staying. Another wave of guilt passed through me upon seeing that lavish building. She is living in a dumpster while I am enjoying one of the finest. There can never be a man as trash as me.

'After taking her to the doctor, I have to convince her to move out of that place. I have to do it at all costs.' I made up my mind as I stepped inside the elevator.

However, what I am most worried about is how she will react after knowing that it was my parents who staged that accident? She will definitely hate me more, right?

"I really want to go somewhere and kill myself." Out of frustration, I punched the metallic wall of the elevator.