Eian

Jackson spoke to me.

Well not really spoke to me because we do speak we have been speaking- right ⁇ ..which is normal because we do speak ... We speak quite a lot but-

Jackson spoke to me !!

When he came into the bathroom I was honestly a bit shocked. I did not think that he would- well it is a restaurant bathroom and anyone can come and go as they please but I just did not think that Jackson would be the one to come in at that moment. Jackson is the kind of person that always seems to kind of mind his own business. He lets people do what they want and he does what he wants and that is the cycle of our interactions in general but today he spoke to me. Not only did he speak to me..

 He tried to comfort me ⁇!!

I don't know how to explain this.. I cannot explain this feeling. I wonder what happened that he suddenly became like this... maybe he really just wanted to talk to me for the last time...maybe he was bored and - NO..Jackson is not the type to get bored when is by himself, he loves his own space a little lot more than I do mine. 

Is he okay ? 

I want to pretend none of this happened and it was some type of stupid dream but even while I was eating he voluntarily moved closer to me and yet again talked to me.This is not normal ...he never just comes to me unless it is something work related... I understand we curently just closed our work chapter and we do not have any work to discuss for the future but does he know what his actions are doing to my heart !??

If he continues to act like this the guest who is borrowing my body will never want to leave. I do not want to be a host forever. I want a life where I didn't wake up in the morning feeling like I lost something when he is the only piece my heart believes is missing.. I would have been fine. i would have gone back home and cried and woke up the next day just fine. I would have but then he hugged me..

Jackson hugged me.

Does he want me to die !?!

I am honestly still shaking from that moment I can literally still smell his cologne all over me.We do not do hugs.. outside work we do quick business hand shakes...but not hugs ! only Eden and Zach hug.Not Jackson and Eian..

WE ARE NOT THEM.

A few minutes later I arrive back at my apartment and as soon as I open the door.I get an incoming call from my mother-perfect..

"Eian." She says as soon as I pick up the call.

"Mother" I respond sombrely 

"I heard from your sisters that you had a dinner party with Ethan and the team today. I had originally wanted to call you this morning but something came up and I had to leave it to now.Your sisters said they came to see you and you are handling things better than expected. Eian.. I might always be running around because of work but I know all of my children. Especially you..are you really okay?.." My mother says in one beat getting straight to the point like the top prosecutor she is.

She has never been a shy mom, growing up my sisters and I could bring any problems to her and she would help us solve them. We all grew up knowing if dad could not solve it then mum definitely would but how do I tell her that her own grown son who is supposed to be an academic genius has been trying but stuggling to let go of feelings that were never his to begin with?. I started this detoxing Eden out of my system project a month ago when I knew that we were soon coming to an end. I started early but no matter what I did..I am still stuck on step one, in fact I have not even moved from that first step because these feelings are just that heavy..

"Eian.."my mothers voice echoes into my ear drums pulling my attention back to the phone in my hand.

"Do you think I could ever get over him?".. I ask my mother without hesitation. I know she knows. My sisters have sent me texts advicing me agaisnt this feelings.They have made it clear that my feelings are an illusion and I believe them. This is all fake. My feelings for Jackson do not exist. I loved Zack...no Eden loved Zack..and they are -

 Not us.!

 "Well..the toughest thing about the heart is that it is the most sturbbon organ in the human body.It always wants what it wants regardless of how even the brain tries to show it logic.The reality the heart creates is far different from the one's we are used to.. it does not mean they are real but the heart will always decide what it wants to do with any information it gets from its environment just like how you bowl your eyes out when you read a book although those events did not happen to you the heart is just that amazing to sympathise but also just that stupid to make another person's problem your own...

You are my son Ei..so you will eventually get over this huddle. I do not have any useful tips but I will talk to Linda and ask her add you to her list of clients and I will send some small cases your way so you can keep your mind busy..is that okay with you. ?"...my mother responds as if she had already done a detailed analysis of my problem and now just presenting her findings. I honestly appreciate her straightforwardness it makes always makes all our conversations easy and quick.

"Thank you. I know this is a very weird situation and I promise I will try my best to get out of it as soon as possible. I do not want to live like an idiot -

"You are not an idiot Eian.." my mother interrupts to scold with a firm voice. 

"Your heart is the idiot. Not you " she quickly adds before I could respond.

....

"Well either way Mother thank you for calling..by the way which case did you want me to handle ?"...

The last hours of my night are spent with me talking to my mum about random cases and things that I could probably try to do to get rid of the guest that inhabits my heart..

I hope they leave soon.