Thorin

I can feel the fire from my heart rumbling in my ears. 

'Friend' she called that filthy elf her friend. I knew she had lived here before Gandalf brought her to us and I also know that having a heart like hers she would have made friends especially coming out of the situation she came from. 

I know it is not something that should have me this riled up. But why didn't she go to anyone else? Why not Gandalf or Elrond? Why him? How did she know exactly where to find him? 

"God Thorin get a grip" a small voice sounded in my brain telling me to think rationally

"Friend" another one boomed louder angrier

I don't know why it was making me this angry, I mean her having a friend was normal and not a big deal at all but the thought of her talking to him, laughing with him was fraying the nerves of my brain like anything ever had.

This woman brought such strange feelings out in me and didn't know how to control them. I'm buzzed in hopes of relaxing my nerves but 'Friend' is on a loop in my mind.

Did she feel something for him? Is this what's preventing her from coming close to me?

No!! Don't even go there Thorin another voice in my head squished this thought as soon it raised it's head.

I looked at her, she was laughing talking to Bombur biting on a slice of apple. An apple that her 'Friend' had sent because she had 'Asked' him.

"Aren't you hungry?" A sweet voice slashes through the chaos in my head.

I just shake my head telling her that I'm not, I don't trust my voice or my words to speak right now.

I catch her looking at Dwalin questioningly. I've already had six pints of beer but the fury seems to make it burn off instead of relaxing me. Dwalin shrugged his shoulder looking side ways at me.

She sits there, close enough and yet so far away. Why is it so easy for her to communicate with everyone but me. Why can't she just laugh with me the way she does with the rest. May be because I'm not her 'Friend'.

Dwalin gets up to get more beer.

"What's wrong Thorin?" she whispers moving back until she's leaning her back on the wall behind her.

"There's nothing wrong." I whisper my jaw locked

She takes in a deep breath, "Is it Lindir?"

My gaze whips towards her my hands curled into fists, "Don't" thats all I can manage right now.

I know I should be thankful for what she has done and I don't doubt her loyalty towards us but the way she called him her friend is cutting my heart with a blunt knife. I don't want to take it out on her or on anyone for that matter just because I am not in control of what I am feeling right now. 

I want to grab her and kiss her until anyone who sees her from the farthest part of the world knows who she belongs to. I want to claim every single strand on her head and every single inch on her body. 

'Friend"

I am clenching my teeth so hard that they would turn into powder very soon. I look at Kili and point towards my mug. He comes and takes it from me.

" I think you've already had enough Thorin. You should eat something. and sleep." I hear her.

All I can see right now is red and though I know what she is saying is right I have no inclination to pay any heed to what she says right now. 

Kili passes me the mug and gives her a look

See this is what I want, communication without a single word being spoken. 

I chug my beer down and get up and walk away, I want to put some distance between me and everyone else so that I don't end up ruining a perfectly good night for all of them.

I heard the soft tap of her feet coming towards me, the scent of her lavender reaching me before she does. She came and stood beside me

"Speak," she says softly, "Speak and let it out Thorin" 

"What do you want to hear Maur?" I say bitterly. I can feel the aftermath of the beer, I don't want to kill it by checking my words. "If you hide somewhere here by the time I find you I won't be myself anymore don't ask me to say the things that you can't handle"

I felt her stiffen beside me, she moved closer. Her scent hitting all my senses like a dagger. 

"I won't be hiding anymore" she says softly. I look at her, her eyes sincere. 

" Why are you here? Right now" 

"I want to know what is bothering you?" her voice soft

I don't answer her question. 

'Friend' the voice has gone low but it's still there. I want her close. 

She grabs my hand and starts walking towards the edge of the balcony. There is a stair, she asks me to sit on it. I do as she says, she sits on her knees behind me and starts kneading my shoulders. My muscles relax, her thumbs working on a tight knot in my back. My head bends forward it feels so good her fingers work their way down my back feeling and rubbing knots until they untangle. I moan with pleasure and her hand stops, "Don't stop.... please" she continues massaging kneading every muscle in my back and shoulders until the start relaxing in her hands and my eyes start drooping. 

"Go to bed Thorin" she whispers her breath warm on my ear and gets up. I get up "Thank you" I hold her hand kissing her palm lightly. Her shoulders stiffen but then they relax she smiles at me and says "You are very welcome Oakenshield" a hint of naughtiness in her voice. 

The voices in my head have died down and I can finally breathe again....