I Don't Care

The flash of steel, a river of red. The blink of an eye, the end of my world. 

All I had ever known would come to ruin. 

My gut squirmed as I gagged. I wrenched my gaze from the window. Curiosity had killed me... and I didn't have nine lives. 

I grew dizzy. My skull rattled and warped my vision into double. The walls pulsed and melted. Clarity ripped away. Sense dragged behind a barn and slaughtered. I couldn't see or hear. If I weren't so petrified, my voice may have failed me too. 

"W-we need to leave..."

Breathing turned to a trial as everyone stared my way. 

"They're taking everyone, killing them... we need to leave..." I heave.

Mom let out a whimper. One I didn't register. We didn't have the time. We needed her and if she were too afraid I would be forced to take her place. But her fear was for us. And unlike before she could do something about it.

She jolted like she had awoken. In a way she had. 

"Okay boys, stay right here. I'll only be a moment!"

No. Still asleep after all. 

"W-what? You can't go out there! It's suicide!" I yell, thrusting my hand over the door as she opened it.

"So how do you plan on leaving, Sune?! she says. "We need supplies, we won't last a day in the wild without them!"

 My blocking arm softened. She was right. How would we eat or drink? Injuries were inevitable, how would we treat them? She was right as she was about most things and it made me want to scream. Not at her. But at the world. At humans. At first I didn't know how to feel of either of them. How kind of them both to have taught me.

"I won't be long, Elias. They won't see me. This isn't my first time dealing with humans, remember?"

I hoped she would be right again.

I unhanded the door and it breezed past me. Rattling shut behind her back with a dreadful finality. My brothers and I stood there in silence. I knew why I was. I knew why they were. They reared their heads to me and I braced the outlash. 

"How could you let her go?!" Damian yells. Mickey just sobbed her name.

"Quiet! Get in her bedroom! It's at the back, they won't see us!" I snapped. 

Damian wasn't done with me and Mickey wasn't done wailing. I dragged them both by the collar and flung them into mom's bedroom. Slamming the door closed so hard the dust rattled from the ceiling. I sat on the floor, barring it with my back. Preventing them from leaving. It enraged them both even more. 

"You're just gonna let her die?!" Damian jabs, pacing around the left of her bed. "You know, just because you don't care about us doesn't mean we shouldn't care about each other!" 

I only wished I didn't care. That everyone could think as clearly as I. I didn't say it, of course. I needed him to shut up. 

Of course I cared. According to them caring meant the things beyond what I was supposed to do. Beyond what is beneficial to them. Showing an extra passion that I had never once felt for anyone in my life. They wanted me to protest because they cared more about our mother than they did about our odds. Than survival. If they wished for me to throw myself to the wolves, when I could merely map a path around them... if that is what they called love, then perhaps I didn't love them. Perhaps I didn't care. So why bother to protect them? 

Duty? No. I had never had a bone of duty in my body. If I ever had, it was broken beyond repair and stung whenever I touched it. Honour? No. Our names held no weight, not even to ourselves. I had no honour to protect. So perhaps it was love after all. Perhaps love did not mean blindness. I wished they could understand that. But I settled for taking control.

"Just once..." Damian continued. "Just once I wish you would act like a brother."

'I don't know how.' 

Nor did I know how to explain it to them.

"Look, mom said it herself. She'll be back. Us going out there will force her to protect us. It'll just make it even harder."

Damian scoffed. 

They knew I was right. If anything it only made them angrier with me. Explaining myself had never once garnered me forgiveness. Why bother? 

I wondered about it all, as the room fell deadly silent. Damian still pacing. Mickey sobbing into his knees. 

*****

We no longer wondered. Instead we trembled. Instead we feared. 

We knew not how long had passed, only that our mother had not come back within it.

Higa Village was small. The adrenaline alone could have carried her across it in a few minutes. Any supplies she may have aimed for only lay half-way that far. 

There remained only one option. One we shoved into the deepest recesses of our minds. And yet it still haunted us. Looming, waiting for it's moment to strike. 

Even without that, our spirits would not have been lifted. For they had been long drowned in blood. Choked by the sound of slaughter until we could no longer breathe. 

In all this time I had taken a single glance from our window, and wretched so loudly I feared we would be discovered. I forbade my brothers from doing the same. 

Farmers charging blindly, wielding rakes and hoes. Dispassionately sliced into ribbons. 

Flung around like their own hay-bales. 

I saw a man split in twain from his temple to his stomach.

I saw lighting tear through buildings and wind swing lifeless bloody corpses through the air like leaves. 

I saw slaughter. Rage with no cause. Violence with no meaning. 

I saw humans. 

And they made me sick. 

I laid on my stomach. Reeling on the floor as if I were wounded. Head in my arms. My brothers didn't need to look. They did not need to ask. And I did not need to guard the door. They knew as I did. Going out there would mean certain death. 

And surely, that was what it had meant for our mother. 

Why? Why had she gone out there? Why had I let her? I believed myself to be the rational one. The one who could cut a path on which we could survive. Perhaps that was my mistake. Believing that there was room for it. Room for logic in the face of humans. It was now clear there could be none. 

All had become my nightmare. Mine, because it aligned with my dream. I asked for change, for something new. I was granted doom. 

THUD! 

My head shot up from the floor. Damian froze. Mickey ceased his red-faced cries. 

THUD! Again. And again. A fifth. 

Desperation? Only a Gimen could be desperate here. 

"Is that mom?" Mickey sniffled. 

I lifted from the ground. Silent. Listening. Paranoia I had never once felt before. 

"I- I don't know. I'm gonna check. You two stay here."

They made no objection this time. 

Creaking open the bedroom door. I crept through. Damian inched it closed behind me. I trod like their lay spikes on the floor. Each creak hurt like one. 

I arrived at the door. The banging ensued and grew heavier, with no voice to match it. 

I could either be letting in our mother and allowing us to escape. Or I could be letting in a human. Inviting suffering and slaughter. 

'...If it's not her, we die. If it is, we live. If I don't open at all. We die regardless.' I reasoned. 

I had no choice. None but to cast away my doubt. My hand swung the door open faster than my mind could prevent it. 

And I once again I wished it had. 

Reason had betrayed me once more. 

For in front of me was not my mother, but a human. Pointing her jewel-embroidered knife to my neck. Tears welling in her eyes. I reeled back, nearly falling. 

With her free hand, she closed the door behind her. It clicked shut as she sobbed. 

I knew not why she cried. And I didn't care. This wasn't mother. With this her death was almost certain. And my reward? A human. Barging into my home wielding steel primed for my brother's blood. For mine. She could've cried me a river, for my fist rippled with the strength of a thousand storm-struck oceans. 

Just then, the girl spoke. 

"I am The Lady Pandora of Stratoshire… neighbours of the heavens... guardian angels of the earth..." she quivered. "And I have come to capture you... as is my duty to humanity..."

My face simply burned. 

"Good for you. I dare you to try."