Chapter 10

Ruben's fingers drummed against his thigh, the phantom warmth of the last Sunmilk high still humming beneath his skin like a second pulse. He hadn't planned on buying more, not so soon, at least, but Jarek's smirk had been too knowing, the golden vials in his bag too tempting. 

Ego User. 

That's what Jarek had admitted, casual as breathing, when Ruben asked how he'd never been caught dealing in a school crawling with Paladin as well as children that want to be Paladin. 

When he said he was an Ego user then it made it clear that he most likely had an Ego related to storage space or a pocket dimension, a space only he could access. I had seen enough anime to recognize such a trope. 

And Jarek wasn't shy about it. "No Paladin dreams for me," he'd laughed, leaning back against the piano. "Not all Ego's are built for combat. Mine's one of them."  

Discretion would probably be better then. The amount of unique and special jobs one can get due to their Ego varied. 

Ruben snorted under his breath. The five vials of Sunmilk tucked into the false bottom of his bag weren't discreet. But he was careful. Sparing. Only one every few days. 

The third high hit harder than the first two. 

By the second week of school, Ruben decided to time it right before Geography classes. Even though he was interested in the layout of the world, he still hated Geography, it was a mass amount of boredom stored on top of each other. 

But today, as the bell rang and the students spilled into the hall, Ana Grigori stepped into his path, her violet eyes sharp enough to cut glass. 

"Can we talk?" 

Even though it was phrased as a question it felt more like a quiet and firm demand. 

Ruben blinked slowly. "About?" 

Ana didn't answer. She just turned on her heel and walked, expecting him to follow. 

He did. 

The empty art room smelled of dried paint and turpentine, the windows streaked with afternoon light. Ana shut the door behind them with a quiet click, then turned, arms crossed. 

"I'm an Ego user." 

Ruben shrugged. He didn't really care, He was sure he would have cared somewhat if he had found out their opening week. 

"You don't care?" 

"Not really. There actually are a lot of them in our school." Ruben responded. "But if you don't mind me asking what is your Ego?" 

It wasn't normal for people to openly speak about your power, with any and everyone. From what Ava had told him it's just not something people are quick to share because of the amount of enemies one could have. Unless they're strong. Which is why Dario can do so. 

"It's called Empath," she said before he could speak. "That's my Ego. I feel what people around me feel. Strongly." 

Ruben whistled low. "Cool," 

"No," Ana snapped, her fingers tightening around her elbows. "It's not. Most days, it's like being trapped in a room with a hundred radios, all blaring different stations. Corbin, at least, is simple. Anger. Hate. Violence. And Envy. It's loud, but honest." she paused, her gaze flickering to Ruben's face. "And his music taste is fucking horrible." 

Ruben wanted to laugh but he never had much wrong with the tunes Corbin instantly gravitated to when he downloaded a music player app. 

Ana didn't smile. "That's why I asked to switch seats. Him, I struggled to handle. You?" her eyes narrowed. "You're strange." 

Ruben's pulse stuttered. The Sunmilk. She could feel it. 

"Some days," he said carefully. "I've got really high highs. Some days I don't." 

Ana's scoff was razor thin. "You're lying." 

A beat. Then she sighed, uncrossing her arms. "But I don't care. I like the way it feels. Warm. Like sunlight under my skin." She stepped closer, voice dropping. "I'll keep an eye on you. Out of interest." 

Ruben held her gaze, the thrill of danger curling in his chest. She knew. Or at least suspected. But she wasn't running to the faculty. Maybe she didn't know then, and that made him curious. 

"Noted," he said grinning. 

Ana studied him for a moment longer, then turned, her heels clicking against the tile as she left. 

Ruben waited until the door shut behind her before exhaling. 

He'd have to be more careful. But damn, did it make his blood sing. 

Jarek told him the drug was created to try and help Ego users for some mental health and medical treatment but it was disbanded after figuring out how dangerous it was. 

So there was a chance she didn't know of the drug but how much was she secluded just so she could live with her ability to not have felt something like this before, he wondered. 

***

The classroom hummed with the low drone of Mr. Adams' voice, a familiar cadence that had lulled Ruben into a comfortable detachment over the past two years. The man stood at the front, his gray hair catching the late October light filtering through the windows, his hands gesturing with the same deliberate motions he always used when discussing Paladin history. 

"Recite for me," Adams said, his voice carrying effortlessly over the rustle of notebooks and shifting chairs, "the classes of Ego users." 

A hush settled over the room. Ruben slouched in his seat, his fingers drumming a silent rhythm against the desk. He already knew the answer, but let his gaze drift lazily to who had raised her hand and been chosen to answer. Freya Van Daalen, her twin tailed blond ponytails swaying with the motion. 

"Summoners," Freya began, her voice bright and assured, "who manifest creatures. Architects, who alter or create physical matter. Strongmen, who amplify their own physical or mental abilities. Elementals, who control elements like fire, water or ice. And Shifters, who are typically shapeshifters." 

Adams nodded, his expression unreadable. "Correct. But you've missed one."

Freya blinked, her golden eyes, unnaturally bright, like twin suns trapped behind glass. Ruben knew why they glowed like that. She'd absorbed too much light again, her Ego, Lucent Gaze, was ready to be unleashed. 

"Ego tools." Adams continued when no one else spoke. "Objects or weapons imbued with an Ego, often left behind after death. Or worse extracted through ritual." His voice darkened on the last word, a shadow passing over his face. "They function similarly to the architect class abilities but are bound to the tool and its user itself." 

Ego tools can be found but there are also Ego tools that people could summon, they would count as Architects. Zara Bennet from Éirath counts as one of them. 

"There are a couple more you forgot too, like Travellers who usually are more akin to speedsters and people that focus on transport and teleportation. And a rare type being the Game users who can drag their opponent to a separate dimension and force them to participate in their game." That bit of information brought both Ruben and Corbin back to a crappy memory. 

It was made worse that Felix was somewhat considered a rare gem when it came to Ego users. 

"...and lastly Specialists. These are just people that don't belong in any category. But again, as I said before, the categories are just a basic framework to make it easier to identify certain Ego users. Someone born with one ability may be able to hide it by using other aspects of it like speed being a more common one." 

Someone in the back of the class that Ruben came to know as Elijah Neri raised his hand to ask a question. 

"Aren't there people with more than one Ego?" 

Mr Adams smiled at his question. "Yes there are. But they are even rarer than those with Game-like Egos." 

Ruben had a weird feeling about Elijah. He was awkward and shy but he would always be staring at him or Corbin. Corbin called him out on it one time but it looked a lot more like Corbin bullying him than anything else so Corbin was told to leave him be. 

But Ruben always had an eye on him. Elijah, or Eli as he told people to call him, said he comes from the city next over to Brunneth. He also is an Ego user and plans on becoming a Paladin. 

His power is related to shadows. When Ruben first learned this he thought of so many different ways he could use them but then remembered he didn't think so highly of Eli so he only thought of ways Eli could use them against him and Corbin. 

Freya treated him normally though. 

It was almost expected of her since she was similar to a class president. She treated everyone well. 

Ruben exhaled through his nose, his mind wandering. The bell rang, sharp and sudden, snapping Ruben back to the present. Chairs scraped, bags were slung over shoulders, and the room erupted into the usual post-lecture chatter. Ruben stood, stretching his arms above his head, his muscles loose from years of training. 

Corbin was already at his side, his dark eyes scanning the room with the same restless energy he'd carried since day one. "You space out too much." he muttered as he elbowed Ruben. "Adams was staring at you like you pissed in his tea." 

Ruben smirked. "Wouldn't be the first time. Besides, everyone is spaced out we're about to close out the year soon." 

Freya fell into step beside them as they left the classroom, her presence as steady as ever. She'd grown into her confidence over the past two years, no longer the trembling girl who'd begged Robyn Wilson for reassurance. Now, she walked with her chin up. 

"Only a few weeks until applications open." Freya said, her voice lifting with excitement. "Aren't you two excited?" 

Corbin scoffed, jerking a thumb at Ruben. "This one's been slacking. Barely trains. And acts like he doesn't give a shit." 

Ruben rolled his eyes. "I show up." 

"Half-assed," Corbin shot back. 

Freya's gaze flickered between them before settling on ruben, her expression softening. "You're strong." she said, simple and earnest. "You should try to become a Paladin. But if you don't want to… that's fine too." 

There it was. That unwavering faith of hers, the same thing that made Corbin of all people, listen to her when he was on the verge of punching a hole through a wall. Many walls during these short two years. Freya had a way of just calming storms. 

Then her eyes sharpened, her tone shifting. "Just don't use your power for anything illegal." 

Ruben grinned, slow and teasing. "What are you gonna do if I do?" 

Freya didn't hesitate. "I'll have to take you out." 

Corbin barked a laugh, loud enough to turn heads in the hallway. "That's funny. Next thing you know you'll be the next Warlord." 

She smiled, but there was steel behind it. "I mean it." 

Ruben held up his hands in mock surrender. "Noted." 

The conversation lulled as they reached the courtyard, the Autumn air crisp against Ruben's skin. He could feel the weight of the vials in his bag, the familiar itch creeping up his spine. 

"I'm gonna go to the toilet." he said, jerking his thumb towards the building. 

Corbin gave him a look, Corbin was still suspicious, Ruben could tell. But Ruben gave him nothing to call him out for. Freya nodded, golden eyes lingering on him for a beat too long before she turned back to Corbin, already launching into some debate. 

Ruben walked away, his hands in his pockets, the weight of the last two years settling over him like a second skin. 

He had changed. 

He'd gotten stronger. Faster. His body was more defined, toned, he was taller, not that tall, but had grown, his jaw was more defined too and his dreads grew slightly longer. 

His body had adapted to the toxins, his resistance climbing with every dose. Three vials of Sunmilk now barely did what one used to. He'd experimented with worse, stuff that would have killed him back home, but his Ego had changed him. 

Summoners took on traits of their summons. 

His fangs were sharper like that of a beast. His pupils slit like that of a cat's in low light. And his senses, God, his senses, could pick up on whispers in crowded rooms. That was one way he had never been caught using. 

Especially from those close to him, it was hard for them to sneak up on him when he had gotten used to things like their heartbeat, their steps, their scent. 

But none of that mattered now. 

Corbin was right. He was losing interest in what he thought he was going to spend his life doing. To become a Paladin. Ruben cared for it, but now it was kind of only because Corbin still wanted to become one. 

He wasn't as impressed as he was before. 

He pushed open the bathroom door and picked a stall, the hinges creaked softly. 

He opened his bag to bring out the only thing that still made him feel anything so deeply. The burn of Sunmilk entered his veins. 

The great feeling of bliss, hit again. 

***

They are finished now. 

His last vials of the drug gone. They had gotten more expensive and Jarek was out of town, he had graduated a year ago and he was on the straight and narrow, or as much as he could be. 

But there was a different dealer Ruben had been going to. He planned on meeting him later to pick up more. 

As he walked out of the bathroom he nearly bumped into someone. Body stuttering, now long black hair tied in a high ponytail and still vibrant as ever, purple eyes. She had gotten taller, but so had Ruben, Ruben was taller than Ana. 

Ana looked up into his eyes, her Empath Ego was definitely active, she had spoken to him about it before, that it was something she struggled with controlling. A reason she liked to be around Ruben was because of the blissful feeling that was radiating off him now. 

He didn't mind it. 

"Follow me. I want to talk about something I found out." 

Ruben let her lead, they reached the school gym and sat on the bleachers. The people participating in the gym activities were normal people. No Ego users but them. 

The gymnasium air was thick with sweat and the scent of polished wood, the rhythmic squeak of sneakers against the court below echoing like a distant pulse. Ruben sat on the bleachers, his fingers twitching against his thighs, the phantom weight of empty vials heavy in his bag. Ana sat beside him, her posture rigid, her violet eyes sharp. 

She had always been direct. 

But this time, there was something else in her voice, something that made his skin prickle. 

"You're an addict." she said, it was quiet, like she was testing the words on her tongue. 

Ruben exhaled through his nose, slow and measured, his gaze fixed on the basketball game below. A lanky junior missed a shot, the ball bouncing off the rim with a hollow clang. "You really think that?" 

She scoffed. "I know you do. I want you to say it." 

Ruben rolled his shoulders until he heard a pop. "Why? You already know the answer." 

"Because I want to hear you admit it." Her voice was low, but it carried an edge, like a blade pressed just shy of breaking skin. "Tell me how long you've been doing this." 

The silence stretched between them, taut with wire. Ruben could lie. He wanted to lie. But what was the point? Ana's Ego connected to him like a live radio. She'd know. 

"Yeah." he muttered. "I first got high when I was ten." 

Ana's lips thinned. "Disgusting." 

Ruben laughed, dry and humourless. "Wow. Thanks." 

Ruben kind of expected it. 

She didn't flinch. Instead, she leaned forward, elbows on her knees, her fingers laced together like she was praying, or bracing for impact. "When my Ego first awakened," she began, her voice distant, "I was twelve. I didn't understand what was happening. One day, I was fine. Then next, I could feel everything. My mom's grief. My dad's frustration. The fucking creep that lived across the street from us coming over dropping off 'gifts'." 

Ruben glanced at her. 

"It didn't stop," she continued. "It was like drowning in a hundred voices at once. I couldn't tell which emotions were mine. I stopped eating. Stopped sleeping. My parents thought I was possessed." A humourless smile flickered across her face. "I was catatonic for three months. Doctors couldn't figure it out. My parents just… watched. Because their daughter had already died once. And then she woke up like this." 

Ruben's chest tightened. He hadn't known that. 

Ana turned her head, her violet eyes locking onto his. "Don't pity me. I learned to filter out the worst of it. I had to. I'm not like you." 

"I don't pity you." Ruben said, and it was the truth. 

"Then I ask you, why do you keep doing this to yourself?" 

He stiffened. The question hung between them, sharp and unavoidable. 

Ruben shrugged. "Never stopped once I started." 

Ana's fingers twitched. "That's not an answer." 

"It's the only one I've got." 

"Bullshit." Her voice was a whip-crack. "Why did you start?" 

The air grew heavier. Ruben's throat closed up, his fingers curling into fists. Below, the basketball game continued, laughter ringing out as someone scored. The sound was too bright. Too loud. 

Ana's Ego was probably still at work. She could hold it back but turning it off was almost impossible according to her. 

The air between them was thickened like clotting blood, pressing against Ruben's skin until even breathing felt laborious. His throat constricted. 

"My mother," he began, voice rough, as if the words were being dragged out of him, "jumped off a bridge. Tried to take me with her." 

Ana went very still. 

Ruben hadn't even told Corbin this. But it's not like he wouldn't if the conversation led there. The only reason Ana was getting the special scoop is because she won't leave him be otherwise. 

"I woke up in a hospital," he muttered. "She didn't." 

Ana's breath hitched. Not pity, he could've weathered pity. It was the recognition in her eyes, the way her fingers twitched like she wanted to reach for him but knew better. 

"I started using," Ruben continued, voice flat, "because it made the world quieter. Because when I was high, I didn't have to think, or remember how bad it all was." 

The gymnasium lights buzzed overhead, casting long shadows across Ana's face. For a moment, she said nothing. Then, quietly. "She's not coming back." 

His vision blurred. "I know that." 

"Then why are you still doing this?" 

"Because I like it," he snarled. "I'm not hurting anyone." 

"You're drowning yourself," Ana shot back, what a choice of words. Really made Ruben wonder if she couldn't see images if she connected too deeply. "And you're only dragging everyone who cares about you down with you." 

Corbin doesn't know," Ruben challenged. 

"Because you're a coward." 

He laughed, sharp and brittle. He wanted to curse at her, like Corbin would. But what would be the point? 

The basketball game below reached its crescendo, cheers erupting as the winning shot sank through the net. The sound was too loud, too human, a grotesque contrast to the silence between them. Ana exhaled, her shoulders slumping just slightly, the first crack in her armour. 

"You should stop," she said, her voice softer now. "Before it kills you." 

"You'd hate that wouldn't you?" Ruben leaned in, his voice dropping to a whisper. "You'll miss your fix?" 

Ana stiffened. 

"You knew." He pressed, lips curling. "Don't act like this is some moral awakening. You felt this shit for two years and never said a word." 

Her pulse jumped in her throat. 

"You liked it," he hissed. "That 'bliss'. You couldn't get it on your own, so you leeched off me. Every time some teacher looked at you too long, every time you had to pretend you didn't feel the lust oozing off the guys in our class… poof. Gone. As long as I was high, you didn't have to feel any of it. No grief. No guilt. No disappointment." 

Ana's face drained. Considering what her power was, it wasn't hard for Ruben to piece it together. She was a pretty young girl with a unique gloomy look to her that would fit the aesthetic of many. 

"Tell me I'm wrong." Ruben dared. 

She couldn't. 

The silence stretched, suffocating. Ana's hands trembled in her lap, her knuckles whitening around the edge of the bleacher. When she finally spoke, her voice was hollow. "I won't tell Corbin." 

Ruben said nothing. 

"But you need to stop," she continued. "Not for me. And not for anyone else. But for you." 

He scoffed. 

Ana stood, her shadow falling across him like a verdict. "And you're right," she added, barely audible. "I'm sorry for using you." 

Then she turned and walked away, her footsteps echoing through the cavernous gym. 

Ruben watched her go, his chest tight, the weight of the empty vials in his bag heavier than ever. Below, the boys playing slapped each other's backs, their laughter bright and carefree, a world away from the rot festering inside him. 

He sat there alone, until the lights flickered off one by one, plunging him into the dark.