53

We could not get servants for some time. A middle-aged charwoman came

to assist, and one of her daughters came from time to time, stopping

generally the night. Their cottage was not far off, I had seen the

girl from an infant, she was then about eighteen years old. I had often

smiled when I met her, of course I smiled now. She was quite a slim

little girl, there was nothing of her, but I was at an age when anything

having a cunt attracted me.

Profiting by experience, I now used key-holes; fortune favored me, for

some reason instead of one large bed, two small ones were put into the

servant's room; between them a wash-stand and a chair on each side of

it were nearly opposite the key-hole. How I chuckled at this, for unless

the key-hole was covered, I could see nearly all one bed and both chairs

and wash-stand. I saw the old woman wash and use the pot, put on her

stockings and other things, the other bed was a little out of range. I

could not so often see the girl, but did at times.

One evening the girl only stopped. So soon as I heard mother's door

closed, out I went in my nightshirt, and through the key-hole saw the

girl naked. She put the light on the floor, one leg on the chair, and

with a small hand-glass looked at her quim, her bum was towards me. Not

satisfied she turned round, sat down facing me, putting the candle

on the floor and with legs so wide open as she could went on with her

investigation. I had a reasonably good look at her, and her cunt. As

said; she was nothing to look at, but I got in a fearfully excited state

and made some noise at the door which alarmed her, for up she got

and stood still listening. I went to my room, looking through the

half-closed door, hers opened and out came her head. I nodded and back

she went.

The next day she was going home, and as I now (although having rows with

mother about it) went out when I liked, just before she left I went out

and walked. It was dark. In two or three minutes out she came. After

walking by her side for a time I asked her point blank how she liked the

look of it last night. "What do you mean?" I told her all I had done.

"Oh!" she said with intense surprise, "what a mean thing to do." I told

her how one of our former servants used to look at me naked. After a

minute she did not appear to be at all disconcerted at having been seen

naked; from my description she could have had no doubt what ever that I

had seen all. "What did you look at your quim for?" asked I. "Ah! that's

my business; what did you look at me for?" "To see your cunt." Being at

a dark part of the road I began kissing her, and got my fingers on

to her belly. She made no row, but crossed her legs; and small and

seemingly weak as she was, succeeded in preventing me feeling. I was

out with her an hour, kissing, coaxing, attempting; I got my fingers and

hand over her bum and belly, but not on to her slit. At each failure she

laughed and said, "done again." I swore I would some day. "No you won't,

you're not the first that has tried," said she, and I went home without

having felt her quim properly.

I attempted it the next day and at every opportunity in the house and

out of it, till new servants came. She felt my prick, would look at it,

squeeze the balls, talk about fucking and baudiness to any extent, tell

me what she had seen, and what she had heard about such matters. She at

length scarcely resisted my feeling her bum, belly and legs, yet I never

got my finger on to her slit, so as to feel the moisture; for she closed

her little legs and wriggled, or got away from me somehow. Once or

twice when I got a little rough, she set up a squeal, and I desisted. I

offered her money. She replied, "No thank you, I am not going to spoil

my chance that way." Our conversation used to begin by my saying, "How

is your duff?" "Oh! nicely, thank you; how is your jock?" "All right and

stiff, waiting for your duff." "Then it will wait a long time," and so

It always ending in my trying to feel her, and getting no further.

At length they left, new servants coming.

I frequently saw her afterwards, and always began the same game. My

mother was told I had been seen talking to her, so after that I only

spoke to her at dusk. Some time afterwards she married a gardener, and

I occasionally saw her, but recognition came to a knowing nod and smile,

which she always returned. Meanwhile I had got my fortune, as I shall

tell; had no end of women, and had forgotten her, when walking across

a field not far from our house, I overtook a short woman with a little

child, and it was she. A shower came on, and we went into a barn, no

one was in it. She told me I was said to be a "dreadful chap after the

gals." "You know all about that now," said I. "Yes," she replied with a

grin, and gradually talking baudier, we went on, until in a few minutes

I had laid her down and fucked her on the hay. "I told you I would do

it," said I. "But you didn't when you said you would,--now it won't

matter." That was her notion. The rain continuing, she said she must go,

whether wet or dry. Neither of us had an umbrella. She pulled her gown

over her head, and saying, "You won't tell anyone, will you," took the

child by the hand and was going, when my appetite came again. I pulled

her back, and with little persuasion, again went up her. She enjoyed the

fuck greatly. As I lay on the top of her we heard a bang, and the barn

grew dark; a man was shutting the door. "Ulloh!" said he, "I didn't know

any one was there; I hope I ain't disturbed you." We made no reply,

but out we went. "You will have a boy out of this," said I. "I hope I

shall," said she. That was the end of my adventure, for I never had her

again, and she soon left the neighborhood. It was her own little child

that was with her.

Though I have (as I shall in other cases) told all I had to do with her

consecutively, yet between the time when she was in our house, and the

time of meeting her at the barn, three or four years must have elapsed;

and didn't we talk baudy in the barn before I got into her. That may

have warmed her up, yet I believe she wanted me, as soon as she found

herself alone with me. Her little child witnessed the business.

Just at this time or a little later, an adventure of a serious kind

occurred to me.