"What a beast…"
Suker shook his head with a sigh,
"Next leg at the Allianz Arena, the Bayern fans are going to boo you to death."
Kaká rolled his eyes. "Last season, you were the one who orchestrated the massacre — and they didn't boo you that hard."
"That's because Shevchenko took the heat. All the pressure was on him. And I wasn't this ruthless — three goals and two assists only!" Suker exclaimed dramatically. "You're the nightmare of every Bayern player now. Hehe!"
"And you're still laughing?"
Kaká looked at Suker, whose smile practically stretched to his ears, and couldn't help but jab at him.
Suker: "I'm happy, man! Hahahahahaha!"
His laughter grew louder, more unrestrained.
"Hahahaha—cough! Cough!"
Suker suddenly cut himself off.
He'd just seen the camera zoom straight into his face for a close-up. He hurriedly forced himself to stop laughing.
Too late. The lens had already caught it.
Damn it! Suker cursed internally.
It came off a little too smug — the last thing he wanted was to get booed next. He could only hope the Bayern fans hadn't seen it. Or had turned off the TV in disgust.
Luckily for him, most Bayern supporters were in shock — or had indeed switched off long ago. They couldn't bear to watch anymore.
The match ended at 90+2 minutes.
The referee only added a very short amount of stoppage time — he figured even if he added more, Bayern, in their disoriented state, wouldn't score.
Better to end the game than risk Milan scoring again — especially with Inzaghi still pressing like a madman up front.
Full-time.
AC Milan 5–0 Bayern Munich.
Another tragedy at San Siro. Milan had fully cemented their role as Bayern's tormentor-in-chief.
Back-to-back humiliations at the same stadium — the psychological blow was massive.
Even now, Bayern still couldn't comprehend how things had gone so horribly wrong.
"It's over…"
The German commentator mumbled. His lips moved for a moment — but he couldn't say anything meaningful.
How could he?
Bayern had played terribly. Milan had played brilliantly. But even stating the obvious felt too painful.
Bayern Munich were in a dazed phase — wounded, battered, and once again humiliated in the Champions League.
And the return leg?
The German commentator wanted to believe Bayern could make a comeback… but it was hard to imagine.
In their current form, they were no match for AC Milan.
Suker and Kaká!
These two alone had dragged Milan out of its decline — and elevated it to a whole new level.
On the Italian side, commentator Aldo Serena roared:
"A spectacular game!"
"While everyone focused on Suker, Kaká became the true star tonight — he orchestrated this entire massacre!"
"5–0! Three goals, two assists!"
"Kaká delivered a crazy performance!"
"With Suker and Kaká, just how far can Milan go this season?"
"It's so exciting to think about!"
He turned to Crudeli, hoping the veteran could chime in.
But Crudeli, trembling with emotion, had his hands pressed to his forehead, muttering incessantly.
Two streams of tears rolled down his face.
Tears of joy. Tears of passion.
It was one thing to have Suker.
But now, Milan had Godslayer Kaká!
Who could stop this Milan?
Crudeli had once lamented Shevchenko's departure.
But now — honestly — he felt Sheva's departure might've been a blessing in disguise.
It was because Sheva left that Suker and Kaká were finally able to break through and shine together.
And their combined efficiency had already proven superior to what Sheva once achieved alone.
Meanwhile, Bayern players walked off the pitch in silence — not wanting to stay a second longer.
After thanking the home fans, the Milan players also headed back to the locker room.
"Ooooooh~~~~ Suker!"
"Ooooooh~~~~ Kaká!"
"Look, this is Milan!"
The locker room erupted in celebration.
Players belted out traditional Italian folk songs (with altered lyrics), completely caught up in the moment.
Even the usually calm and composed Maldini had an arm around Suker and the other around Kaká, grinning from ear to ear.
"Captain, you're smiling so wide I can see your crow's feet"(Crow's feet are fine lines and wrinkles that appear at the outer corners of the eyes, often radiating outwards like a crow's foot)
Kaká teased.
Maldini's mouth twitched.
Suker looked at Kaká. This guy's mouth, seriously…
Right then, Kaká stretched his fingers — pressing his thumb and index finger to the corners of Maldini's eyes.
"If you stretch them, they'll look better."
Maldini said nothing.
Suker shouted, "Ivan! Pirlo! Grab him! He's getting cocky!"
Gattuso and Pirlo immediately flanked Kaká and pinned him down.
Kaká squirmed, but Suker already moved in with an evil grin, furiously tickling him.
"Boss, I'm avenging you!"
Kaká laughed so hard he cried — his body twisting and writhing helplessly, completely restrained by Gattuso and Pirlo.
The four of them tumbled into a chaotic mess.
Maldini simply shook his head and smiled.
He didn't mind at all.
In fact, he understood: Suker was just using him as an excuse to stir things up and celebrate.
The Milan dressing room was full of joy and life.
At the post-match press conference, Ancelotti was in high spirits.
"It was a great match. Both teams gave it their all. Kaká was undoubtedly the man of the match. With Suker contained, he dominated the game."
Ancelotti had nothing but praise for Kaká — and was clearly delighted with his performance.
Usually, it was Suker dragging the team forward alone. Kaká, though talented, hadn't stood out as much.
But now, with Kaká's explosion, Milan had another player who could carry the team.
Ancelotti had every reason to be happy.
On the other hand, Bayern coach Ottmar Hitzfeld looked bitter and defeated.
He had been brought in as a temporary solution — and now had suffered a heavy loss. It was a huge blow.
He wanted to fix things — but Kaká and Suker were simply too hot.
Their form transcended tactics — it was all about raw individual brilliance.
No formation could contain them.
Unless Bayern had someone on their roster performing at the same freakish level — which they didn't.
Simply put — Bayern were crushed by Suker and Kaká.
Tactics didn't matter anymore.
These two were playing above any system.
After the press conference, the two coaches returned to their locker rooms.
Despite the disaster, the Champions League wasn't over — there was still a second leg to play. They couldn't lose focus.
But looking at the dejected Bayern players, Hitzfeld felt helpless.
He didn't know how to lift their spirits.
By contrast, Ancelotti had joined the party — arms around players, jumping up and down in celebration.
Everyone cheered for this exhilarating win.
That night, the match made headlines all over Europe:
"Bayern Munich Falls Again at San Siro!"
"Crushed! AC Milan 5–0 Bayern Munich!"
"The Kaká-Led Massacre!"
"Crazy Kaká!"
"Three Goals, Two Assists – Kaká Orchestrates Bayern's Tragedy!"
The post-match coverage focused almost entirely on Kaká.
His performance had been too good.
With Suker tightly marked, Kaká broke open the game by himself — and dominated the narrative.
Since joining Milan, Kaká had quickly cemented himself as a starter.
But truthfully, ever since Suker's arrival, Kaká had plateaued a bit — sometimes showing signs of dependency on him.
This season, it was especially obvious.
But this match? Kaká stepped up.
He was magnificent — dragging Milan to victory, while also freeing Suker from tight marking.
He posted the most brilliant stats of the match.
Suker's long-awaited "Godslayer Kaká" had finally gone online.
But for Suker, the key now was maintaining this form.
This hot streak needed to last — so they could keep reaping the rewards.
Most importantly — Kaká had to stay in this condition.