AuthorMostafa

For all those who've been going down a dark path- it's never too late to turn around.


Drugs. Heartbreak. Silence. He was seventeen and already done with life.

He didn’t want to die. He just wanted the pain to end. 

She left him. The only light in his life had left him. And she wasn’t the first. Because everyone abandoned Adam. He was never enough. 

But Logan, the school’s party guy, seemed to have taken a liking to this loner. He teaches him how to numb the pain. But the drugs never drowned everything out.

Adam’s life keeps spiraling further. Pressure keeps building around him. His coping mechanisms only throw him deeper into the darkness. 

Will Adam escape the spiral he was thrown into, or will his momentum keep up until he’s in grave?

This Webnovel explores themes of suicide, depression, the consequences of drug use, the fragility of mental health, the stigma surrounding emotional vulnerability, toxic masculinity, isolation, miscommunication, bullying and it’s consequences, cycles of neglect, the ignoring of minor’s mental issues, the unknown effects of words and actions on others, and the duality of addiction. 

!Trigger Warning!

	You might think that just because I- the author of this book- am thirteen years old, this book will be safe, soft, and mostly child friendly. It is not. Be warned before you delve into Adam Carter's seriously messed up mind; this book is not made for the faint of heart. 
	It deals with themes of depression, suicide, and bullying. There are many scenes where characters are doing a plethora of different illegal drugs. Underage characters drink alcohol. Be prepared for some fighting, descriptions of sometimes brutal injuries, themes of self harm, suicidal ideation, emotional and physical neglect, swearing, and trauma.
	This book is not written to glorify or encourage any of those things. This book is written to show what we often hide behind our closed doors, to raise awareness, and to show what NOT to do. 
	You have been warned. Those of you who are left, leave your world and enter a broken mind. 

-Behind Closed Doors-

I was going to kill Elijah. Rip him apart limb from limb. Desecrate his grave when he's dead. It was a low blow. Something he knew would piss me off more than anything he'd ever done before. Despite everything that's happened to me, I've never truly wanted anybody dead other than myself in my entire life. Until now.

He'd flirted with Maya. He could've publically embarrassed me. Shoved me in my locker as he'd done before. Beat me half to death. But he chose messing with Maya because he knew it was the thing that'd truly push me over the edge.

And Maya was letting him. She was smiling in the picture.

He posted a picture of them online, too. His arm was over her shoulder. The shoulder my arm had been over a hundred times. The shoulder I thought I'd cried on.

What's even worse is that everyone was staring at me in the hallways. Was it about Maya? Probably. But it felt like there was more to it than that. I only understood when Logan pulled me aside into the bathroom.

"You good man?" He asks. He looks concerned. Its more than just Maya. There's something else.

"What the hell is going on? I know about Elijah trying to hit on Maya. And I swear I'm gonna kill him for it. But there's something else."

"I think he also started a rumour." For once, Logan seems timid. Like he's scared of saying something. Part of me wanted to ask about the rumour. The other wanted to stay ignorant, not to know what he'd told people. The curiosity won.

"What did that bastard say?" I demand. My voice is more desperate and scared than I wanted.

"Your... your mother. He... said some things about her." My eyes are daggers as I look at him, wanting to know more about what bullshit Elijah had spread. "People are talking about how she... she left you. Because she couldn't handle you, is what they're saying. And that all your friends also kept leaving you because you're annoying. They're also saying you cry yourself to sleep every night and sleep with a nightlight."

The nightlight is a lie. The rest is true. And only one person knew about it. My voice is weak and shaky. "Maya told him."

"Maya? Traitor. I swear to god, all girls are snakes. You can't trust them. All they do is break your heart and give away your secrets."

"The nightlight is a lie," I say, because I have nothing else to say. Not like he'd believe me anyways.

He hesitates, then speaks with a cautious voice. "And the rest?"

My silence confirms. But I don't want pity. She betrayed me. This was all her. She betrayed my trust. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I felt dizzy and sick and scared. My next words were a shaky haze that I didn't even realize I was saying. "Give me something. Anything."

My voice was desperate and pleading. The "anything" I was referring to was obviously drugs. I needed them. Needed to escape. I couldn't handle it. I pulled out a twenty dollar bill and shoved it into his hand.

He quickly pulled out a small box of Xanax, clearly worth more than twenty dollars. He gives it to me and I quickly down two pills. I run out, not caring that its only halfway through the school day. I run home. When I'm in, I take another pill.

I start believing it. The drugs kick in, giving me blissful moments of forgetfulness. I stumble to my bedroom, not even making it to the bed before collapsing. I'm breathing heavily as my mind clouds up. Forget Maya. Forget Elijah and Carla. Forget life. Just relax. Relax.

I'm so sick of this life. So very sick of the life I lead. The only time I don't wish it would all end is when I'm on drugs. So I'll do it more. That's the solution. Forget the good boy. Life is shit, so what's wrong with doing something to make it bearable? The high is my saviour.

Escalation