Welcome to the jungle

Lisa stepped inside, looking around like she expected a disaster. "Wow. It's actually… clean."

Charlie smirked. "Yeah, well, Berta just cleaned. And, I'm trying this new thing where I don't live like a total slob."

Lisa raised her left eyebrow. "Sounds exhausting."

"Oh, unbelievably." He walked to the kitchen and grabbed a glass. "Juice?"

Lisa blinked. "Juice?"

"Yeah. Orange. Freshly squeezed. No alcohol, no surprises."

She hesitated. "Are you feeling okay?"

Charlie sighed. "I know it's weird, but yeah, I'm fine." He poured her a glass and slid it across the counter. "Ten days sober. Berta thinks I'm either dying or in a cult. Wanna guess?"

Lisa smirked, taking the glass. "If you joined a cult, it'd have free massages and unlimited cigars."

Charlie chuckled. "True. And I'd be the only guy kicked out of rehab for bad behavior."

Lisa took a sip. "Not bad." She eyed him. "So… is this real, or just a break before your next bender?"

Charlie leaned against the counter. "Honestly? At first, I just wanted to see if I could. But now… it actually feels good not waking up in a trash can."

Lisa studied him. "Yeah… you do look less like roadkill."

"Gee, thanks," he said dryly.

Lisa chuckled, then grew serious. "Look, I didn't just come to apologize."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "No? Finally admitting you can't stay away?"

She rolled her eyes. "Actually, I wanted to ask you something."

Charlie took a sip of juice. "Go for it."

Lisa hesitated, fingers tapping against the glass. "Okay, I'll just say it. The last six months have been awful, Charlie."

Charlie frowned. "What do you mean?"

She let out a small laugh, but it wasn't happy. "I thought I'd move on. Find someone new, and keep living my life. But… I didn't." She looked at him, eyes filled with emotion. "I missed you. More than I ever thought I would."

Charlie opened his mouth but said nothing.

Lisa ran a hand through her hair. "I missed us. The lazy mornings. The bad movies. Even the dumb stuff, like that time in the Hilton elevator."

Charlie smirked. "Oh yeah. Nice blowjob. But, got banned for life." It happened back when they started dating and they were having sex almost everywhere, including elevators, public parks, and bathrooms.

Lisa laughed softly, shaking her head. "It wasn't just the fun stuff. Although we had sex as the fun stuff. You were my person, Charlie. When I lost you, I lost my best friend."

'Oh, boy. Emotional crap. I ain't got no experience dealing with this, neither do Charlie. He just ran away, haaa...' Charlie's smirk faded. "Lisa…"

She took a deep breath. "I kinda crashed, okay? I got so depressed I could barely function. I started messing up at work, showing up late, and missing deadlines. Then my Boss wanted me to suck him to keep my work and I kinda punched him... broke his nose. Then spilled the beans to his wife, he got a messy divorce and they fired me." She laughed dryly. "Me. Fired."

'Oouch.' Charlie's eyes widened and his natural sympathy mode activated. "Lisa, I had no idea…" 

"Of course not," she muttered. "I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to see me like that." She sighed. "So, I started therapy. And I thought I was figuring out who I was without you."

Charlie leaned on the counter, watching her. "And? Did you?"

Lisa swallowed. "I thought I was… until I saw you at the theater."

Charlie tensed.

She let out a soft, almost bitter laugh. "And just like that, it all came back. I thought I was over you. But the second I saw you, I knew… I never stopped loving you."

Charlie stared, heart pounding.

Lisa took a shaky breath. "I see you now, trying to change. Trying to be better. And I think… maybe we ended things too soon. Maybe we still have a shot." She hesitated before whispering, "Charlie, do you think we should try again?"

Silence.

Charlie looked down at his glass, swirling the juice. His mind was a mess. 'Try again? With Lisa. aka. Denise Richards? Ok. Markus. Time to put on your A game.'

Lisa clenched her hands into fists. "Say something."

Charlie exhaled slowly, then looked at her.

He put his glass down and stepped toward Lisa, reaching for her hands. His fingers curled around hers, warm and firm. He looked into her teary eyes. She looked god damn hot and beautiful... So, vulnerable...

He took a breath. "Yeah," he said quietly but surely. "Let's try again."

Lisa let out a shaky breath and then, in a heartbeat, she was on him. She grabbed his face and kissed him like she'd been holding it in for months. Charlie barely had time to react before his back hit the wall.

Her fingers tangled in his hair, her body pressing against him. It felt both familiar and new, like coming home after being lost.

Charlie groaned, pulling her closer. His pulse pounded as he kissed her back, deep and hungry. In reality, he had no idea what he was doing. This was Markus' first kiss. And he was just going with the flow. Sucking on her lips, letting her suck on his lips, then the tongue play... It tasted freaking awesome. Not to mention, he was hard, and if this goes on, well something might come out.

Lisa broke away just long enough to catch her breath, her forehead resting against his. "God, I missed you," she murmured.

Charlie's hands were on her hips. His heart was hammering crazily. "Yeah? Could've fooled me."

She laughed breathlessly. "Shut up." Then she kissed him again, slower this time.

Charlie lifted her slightly, and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her across the kitchen area and stumbled onto the couch, pulling her down with him.

They barely noticed the flower vase tipping over.

Or the front door swinging open.

"Aww, hell no!"

Charlie and Lisa froze.

They turned. Berta stood there, arms crossed, eyebrows raised.

Lisa scrambled off Charlie, smoothing her shirt, cheeks burning.

'Damn you!' Charlie sighed. "Berta, do you ever knock?"

"Do you ever lock the damn door?" she shot back. She looked between them and sighed. "Well, that explains the orange juice."

Lisa cleared her throat. "Um… we were just..."

Berta held up a hand. "Nope. Don't wanna hear it. Just tell me when you're done so I can Lysol this place."

Charlie shook his head as Berta walked toward the kitchen, muttering about "hormonal lunatics."

Lisa bit her lip, trying not to laugh. "So… that was subtle."

Charlie smiled. "Yeah, well… welcome back to my life."

She smiled. "Not so bad."

Charlie kissed her forehead. "Not bad at all."

Lisa adjusted her shirt. "Okay, I have to ask… why is Berta here again?"

From the laundry room, Berta's voice rang out. "Forgot to grab my damn undies!"

Lisa blinked. "Wait, what?"

Berta yelled again, "And before you start, my washing machine broke, alright? Had to use yours."

Charlie groaned. "Jesus, Berta, you live with six people. Nobody else has a washer?"

"Oh, sure," Berta said. "But do I trust them with my delicates? Hell no! One of 'em steals socks, and another thinks 'hand wash only' is a joke."

Lisa covered her mouth, laughing. "So… you've been using Charlie's washer this whole time?"

"Damn right," Berta said. "After all the messes I've cleaned, it evens out."

Charlie groaned. "Fine. Just take your stuff and go."

There was a pause. Then Berta added, "Might've thrown in some bras too."

Lisa lost it, laughing as Charlie muttered, "I swear to God…"

Berta walked out with a plastic bag, eyeing them. "Alright, I got my stuff. You two can get back to… whatever that was."

Charlie smirked. "You jealous, Berta? Having a dry season?"

Berta snorted. "Yeah, real jealous. Nothing's hotter than two exes rolling around on a couch that probably smells like tequila and regret."

Lisa covered her mouth, trying not to laugh again.

Berta tossed the bag over her shoulder. "Don't do anything too stupid. I like the new Charlie, saves my work time and I'd hate to see that old drunken bastard again, even though I miss that old version a little too much. And for the love of God, lock your damn door."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Bye, Berta."

Berta paused at the door. "Hey, Lisa?"

Lisa raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

Berta smirked. "Welcome to the jungle."

Then she left, slamming the door.

Lisa turned to Charlie, shaking her head. "She's never leaving, is she?"

Charlie sighed, "You kidding? Who's gonna do all the work if she leaves?" He got up and locked the door properly. 

...

Meanwhile, Next Door…

Rose adjusted her binoculars. She was wrapped in a fluffy pink robe, her hair tied up in an unreasonably cute bow for someone engaging in blatant espionage.

She zoomed in.

"Oh, Charlie… you naughty little monkey," she whispered, eyes locked onto him and Lisa through the window. She had seen the kiss. The passion. The way Lisa wrapped herself around him. Ugh. It made her sick.

Or turned on. She wasn't quite sure which.

She watched as Charlie and Lisa settled back onto the couch, talking, smiling, touching. It was disgusting. It was beautiful. It was wrong.

Rose dropped the binoculars onto her lap, eyes narrowing.

"Unacceptable."

She had allowed Charlie his little detox phase. She figured he'd come crawling back to his old habits soon enough—booze, women, regret, and she'd get her chance to manipulate him. But now? Now he was making actual changes. He was sober, emotionally available, and, God forbid... happy.

With Lisa.

Lisa.

Lisa, who wasn't Rose.

Rose clenched her fists. "Oh, honey. You just don't get it, do you?" She sighed, picking up a notepad and flipping through pages of scribbled plans. Ways to Win Back Charlie, Volume 12.

Fake amnesia? (Already tried. Didn't work.)

Get stuck in his chimney? (Might work.)

Hire an actor to play her 'new boyfriend' and make Charlie jealous? (Backfired previously. Actor actually started dating Lisa's friend.)

Break into his house and casually 'wake up' next to him? (Ahh, the classics.)

Rose tapped her pen against her lips, deep in thought. Then she looked through the binoculars again. Charlie had his arm around Lisa.

Lisa leaned into him.

Rose's eye twitched.

"Nope. Not happening."

She snapped her notebook shut and stood up. This called for drastic measures.

It was time for Plan R.

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[Read 15 advance chapters] [All chs available for all tiers]

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AN: That's it for this week. More than 4 chs. So, see ya all on Sunday night. Oh, I almost forgot, the author of the other 2 and a half men ff the Jake Harper one with chatgpt copy paste, paid a visit, dropped a 1 star review lol. Then four other popped up just after I replied back to that prick, and they keep commenting nonsense as usual 1 star review, troll comments. So, I checked their account and it turns out they have never commented in the last 4 or 5 months, and just after I replied to that jealous prick, they decided to spam. 😂😂😂 What a coincidence, right? Oh, I can smell the burn.