Chapter 150

A few days later, I stood up and stretched. "Why am I so tired?" I had just closed my eyes and opened them, and it was already morning.

My body felt heavier than yesterday, and my eyes were bloodshot. I put on a simple dress, opened my door, and stepped out. As I walked down the hall, a chill ran up my arms.

"Winter is coming again."

A window in the hallway was open, letting in a draft. I rubbed the goosebumps on my arms. "Why is no one here?" The mansion was unusually quiet and dark.

I lowered the blinds and tilted my head. This is just like usual, isn't it? This is normal.

I closed my eyes and opened them again. Had someone just whispered in my ear? I started walking down the hallway again, and a voice whispered once more.

'Keep walking.'

The sound was faint, like a buzzing insect, yet it felt strangely loud.

"Lady Meldenik."

"…Butler?"

I turned to see the butler holding an elegant candlestick with an ancient, embossed word written on it.

"There is a place we must go."

I started walking against my will, as if an invisible string was pulling me along.

'Keep walking with the butler.'

The muffled voice struck my ears again. I stopped, surprised by its sudden loudness, and looked around. No one was there but the butler, yet the voice was so clear.

"Something is wrong."

The moment I sensed the strangeness, the butler, who was now a distance ahead of me, stopped and urged me on. "Why have you stopped?"

His face and tone were uncharacteristically demanding. Normally, I would have been confused and questioned his behavior. But now, my lips wouldn't open. My thoughts had completely stalled. I was simply standing there, gasping for air.

'Yes, follow him. It is your reason for existence and your duty.'

I quickened my pace, following his back. As I walked, a creepy, muffled laugh seemed to echo in my ears.

I followed him through winding corridors to a spiral staircase that led to an underground cellar I didn't even know existed.

Kiyi.

In front of the cellar door, which creaked from lack of oil, the voice I'd heard earlier whispered forcefully, "Enter." At the same time, the butler, who had already stepped inside, gestured for me to follow.

"Come in."

I looked at the butler. The corners of his mouth were turned up in a strange smile, an optical illusion of a clown's grin. My instincts screamed for me to stop. I felt I shouldn't go inside.

"Why don't you come in?"

"…"

"Enter here right now."

My thoughts were paralyzed. I took a slow step forward, obeying his command. As I entered the vast underground space, the atmosphere became as quiet as a vacuum. In the silence, the voice that had been whispering to me praised me softly, as if I were a good child.

"The time has finally come to fulfill your complete duty."

"Complete… duty?" I muttered to myself, taking another step inside.

"The duty to write the future."

Before I could even process those words, the door behind me slammed shut. The butler blew out the candle, plunging the room into a darkness as thick as black fog. The darkness enveloped me, and my consciousness began to fade. The butler disappeared as if he had melted into the shadows.

Time passed. The room, which had once felt huge, began to shrink, narrowing to a small cube barely five feet across. The door I entered was gone. I pressed my back against a wall, trying to breathe in the suffocating darkness.

Just then, the voice from before returned.

'Sit down.'

My body obeyed the command naturally. I stumbled to the floor, my legs too weak to hold me.

'Close your eyes, too.'

I followed the command like a loyal servant. As soon as I closed my eyes, countless pieces of information flooded my mind. I was no longer the Marquis of Kinnoa, trapped in the dark space. I was my old self again, a long time ago. I was a child: quirky, easily injured, and alone.

'Is this a memory I consciously tried to forget?'

I saw a small child building a sandcastle under a swing, wearing a large, ill-fitting shirt, short pants, and mismatched socks. Other children on the playground pointed at me.

'He's a kid who eats things off the ground.'

'If you get close to him, you'll catch something.'

'He lives in an orphanage. He's a beggar. We're not supposed to go near him.'

My past unfolded before me: the people who hated me, the fingers pointed at me, the teachers who made me stay behind after class because I couldn't keep up. Only the uncomfortable and unhappy parts of my life, the ones I'd pushed deep into my unconscious, were being replayed.

In middle school and high school, things didn't change much. I was still the child no one wanted to be friends with. Still, in high school, I made some good friends. We wore the same uniforms, held hands, went to the cafeteria, and talked about small, trivial things. But at the end of our senior year, one of my friends died by suicide at school.

'I guess their college entrance exam scores didn't turn out well.'

'How sad.'

When they died, they left me a letter asking me to live their share of life for them. So I tried. I gritted my teeth and got a job as a contract worker at a company I'd wanted to work for. I was sure that if I just worked hard, I would become a full-time employee.

"It is our policy that contract workers cannot be converted to full-time employees."

I didn't cry. I simply realized that life doesn't always go my way.

On the same day I received my termination notice, I walked aimlessly until I found myself in front of the elementary school I attended as a child. Even though my bank account was empty, I went into the old stationery store to buy some cheap candy. I hadn't been there in years. I thought the shop would offer some comfort and a memory of my childhood. As I looked around the dusty shelves, the owner, an old lady, spoke to me kindly.

"Business has not been good… Today is our last day."

"Oh…"

The old woman's face was etched with the passage of time. My heart sank. All the things I loved and all the memories I cherished were gone. I felt like I was nothing.

"Here, take this. It's just a candy, but you look sad."

The lady was still a kind person. I took a deep breath and nodded. "Thank you. I'll eat it well."

With my body grown but my mind still that of a sad child, I walked to the elementary school playground. I saw children playing soccer. I stared at them, thinking about my own life.

Why do I have to be unhappy all the time?

My life felt like a lottery ticket that never had the right numbers. Other people were born into good families and lived happy lives. Why did I have to work so hard, only to suffer pain, hardship, and frustration? Why did I have to ride a crowded subway every morning and work until midnight, only to be left with the pressure of being unemployed?

My misfortune was common in the world, but it felt as sharp as a knife. The trauma I had ignored for so long weighed on me. Tears began to fall. I bit my lip and wiped my cheek with my hand.

The real reason I believed every child should be happy was because my own life was never happy. I wanted even the youngest children to find happiness. I didn't have any special skills to teach them, but I wanted to give them short, happy memories, like the ones I had in that old stationery store.

I sat on the side of the playground, thinking about whether I could truly make children happy when I myself was so unhappy.

At that moment, a voice spoke to me clearly, as if trying to brainwash me. "You will continue to be unhappy, as is normal."

"People like you can't be as happy as everyone else. You don't deserve it." The voice sent a message of failure, that my life was worthless, and that I would never be able to help anyone.

"You're just a person on the fringes of the world."

"…No, I'm not." My voice was empty and without courage.

"As you know, your life will continue to be insignificant." Maybe the voice was right.

"You won't be extremely unhappy, but you'll be moderately unhappy. You'll live and die as a bridesmaid to someone else's life."

The voice continued to echo in my mind. The old pain beneath the surface of my memories came flooding back. "Why won't you agree with me?" The words cut into my ears like a blade. "It's calm in this room. There is no pain or happiness."

My consciousness grew faint, as if I was being brainwashed. I felt like I wanted to take a break from it all.

"Just nod."

I opened my tear-filled eyes, ready to listen to the desperate voice.

"You just have to write the future I ask for here forever. Without being happy or unhappy."

Forever… It was a word that felt like it would eat away at me completely. But after reliving all my past misfortunes, my will was weak. As if under a spell, I began to nod.

But at that exact moment, a small whisper, as fragile as a butterfly's wings, reached my ears. It was a voice so quiet and delicate that I had to strain to hear it.