Pebble on The Road

Hinel

I want to give up. I don't know why they picked me up from those ruins, from that house reduced to ashes and remains on the side of the road.

If I had just died, what difference would it have made? Clearly that was fate's intention for me from the start, anyways. I wasn't destined to have lived much longer past that point.

I would have died from hunger, or dehydration, or being mauled by a stray monster that started inhabiting the area near Hiun. Yet, for some reason, he held his hand out towards me, and he wanted to take me back with him.

Walking back was odd. I don't want to speak with these two, and clearly they didn't have much to talk about, at least with me. Yet, he still eventually talked.

Who did this? What does it matter anymore, who did this atrocity? It happened. There's no changing that anymore. Yet, something still compelled me to respond to him.

The Angelians. Those… Those winged bastards… Just because we were in the way, they slaughtered all of us. Angels are supposed to be heavenly, protecting figures. Thats what Mama always told me before I would fall asleep.

She would kiss my forehead with that warm smile, softly massaging my shoulder as I shivered and trembled under the covers, fearful of the Daemons of the west. 'The Angels will protect you and me. They wont let us get hurt.' 

If only… If only her words were the truth… If only they were reality…

But that was simply not the case. For some reason, off of a bad coinflip, off of a bad straw pull, I got the short end.

To think I was scared of the Daemons. To think I had put my trust, my fate into the Angels. The excitement on my face, the excitement I felt when I saw those winged sinners drawing in on their horseback, carrying their weapons. I still remember the dread, the disgust as they ripped and tore through children, women, and even the elderly. The feeling of loss I felt as they destroyed the one thing I had known my entire life…

They left me alone, to die. In the insides and crimson blood of my family members, who had never done wrong. Who didn't deserve to die so brutishly.

Why is it that I believed so pathetically that they were the heroes of this story, of this world? Why did I believe in a fictional tale of their greatness? It was so childish.

Maybe now that I know the truth, my perspective has changed. The insurmountable disgust I feel, the betrayal and the feeling of loneliness presented to me because of my own naive beliefs…

*

Night upon night of crying. Crying until my throat was sore, until tears simply stopped falling out of my eyes. The images, the vivid memories of my family and siblings still laid fresh on my mind, remaining as if it was its property. When was the last time I slept? I don't even know.

Sitting against the wall of the run-down home where Alyssia lived, I felt lost in my own thoughts. Do I even deserve to see the edge of the world? To travel with these two, someday? To learn with Zachary? To fight with Alyssia?

Why is it that they have such faith in me? I'm just… I'm just some nobody they picked off the side of the road. I was never much. I never had much Spirit, both literally and mentally. I have no muscle, and I'm slower than the both of them. I'm stupid, as well. I'll never compare to these two, and I never would have no matter how hard I tried.

…"Cant sleep?" Alyssia muttered groggily, walking towards me softly. I glanced up towards her, gritting my teeth and frowning roughly.

…"Why did you two save me?" I ask, grimacing.

"Because nobody deserves to be abandoned." She responded after a few seconds, having seated herself next to me now.

"But… But… I'm… I'm not anything compared to the two of you… I'm just… a miserable stray you two happened to see on the side of the road…" I said, my vision blurring as I felt myself tearing up.

"We don't expect you to be the strongest. Not right now. For now, we just want to help you. I know you want to give up. I know you might want to let it all go right now, because it's hard." She said, a solemn look on her face, showing her sincerity and genuine care.

I stammered, wanting to respond, but she interrupted me before I could.

"I know you might think there's a benefit in giving up. I've thought so too. Zach found me half dead one day after I was caught stealing food for my family." She says, as I glanced towards her mother and little brother, both of them sleeping. "But if you give up, then what?" She said, before sitting quietly.

Then what? If I give up, then what? I'll just die, having done nothing, leaving the rest of the world in the dust. I'd probably end up killing myself, to make matters worse.

Was it worth it to give up? To stop trying to live? To stop carrying my life the way I do? To stop caring?

"You'd just end up dead, right?" She asked, softly sliding her fingers in and out of my hair.I sat there almost lost as she had accurately predicted my thoughts.

"If giving up means death, then don't give up. We don't want you to instantly become the best, because we know that takes time. You wont start off the greatest. But you'll get there. Eventually, you'll become the great man we know you can be. So, just try. No matter what, you always try. Our world is hell, especially for us. But what matters is that we never stop trying to change the world so that we can live." She says, patting my head softly as she finishes speaking.

She walks off after a few seconds, waving me a soft good night. I sit there, still curled up into a ball, looking at my own knees.

She was right. Giving up means death. Death means I wasted my life. My parents wouldn't be proud if I wasted my life, doing nothing, reducing myself into a background character.

Even if I don't make a difference, I might as well try, like how Alyssia said. Just trying is better than letting chances go through my fingers, than sitting down and letting everything else, every other event pass on while I just let death slowly consume me.

Even if it means failing over and over again, maybe trying to live, trying to grow is better than not doing anything.

As I think and contemplate over Alyssias words, a question formulates itself in my head.

'What does the edge of the world look like?'

Will it heal me? Will it show me the truth? Will it fix me completely? What does it look like? What does it feel like?

Curiosity. Mama said I was always curious about something. Anything. Fruits, insects, plants, flowers, books, inks, factories, houses, animals, clouds, the sky… anything. I was interested in how anything worked, and I always wanted to know. I just couldn't because we were poor.

Will Zachary teach me about those things? About how they work?

Maybe, just maybe, giving up is the worst option. Even if I don't make an impact on this world, I can still learn. Maybe I can still grow. I can have all of the questions I had ever wanted to know answered, even if by another person.

Maybe I don't have to do this alone. Are they really my friends?

I fiddle with a pebble on the road. It reminded me so much of myself. I am just a pebble on the side of the road. There's not much to me. So why would anyone pick me up?

Because sometimes pebbles turn out to be diamonds.