When My World Spoke Your Name

The big day had finally arrived. Xiao had barely slept. He scrubbed his face hard, but the dark circles under his eyes remained evident, like bruises.

He applied some makeup to the area.

"Hope it gets better" — He told himself.

On the way to school, he kept checking his notifications. The results were scheduled to be published in the school's digital newspaper. With every swipe down, with every loading screen, his anxiety grew stronger. It had been a while since he'd felt like this.

He shoved his phone in his pocket and took a deep breath.

"Being anxious won't help anything."

. . .

The school gate seemed taller that day. More rigid. Xiao walked through slowly, trying to ignore the stares — even though no one seemed to be paying much attention to him.

The sky was white, stifling, as if holding back rain in its throat.

In the hallway, the sound of footsteps echoed differently. Xiao entered the classroom, found his usual spot, and sat down.

His phone vibrated in his pocket like a racing heart. But he didn't want to check. Not yet.

— Hey — said a voice behind him.

Xiao turned around. Nu Yang. His hair slightly messy, his expression hard to read.

— Did you sleep?

He asked, sitting beside him.

— A bit. And you?

Nu Yang shrugged.

— Pretending I did.

They laughed briefly. Then, silence. But not an uncomfortable one. It was the silence of someone who understands the other's burden.

Xiao held his phone between his fingers. Stared at the blank screen.

— Has it come out yet?

Asked Nu Yang.

— Not yet... I don't think.

— Want to check together?

Xiao hesitated. Then nodded.

He unlocked the device. Opened the school newspaper's website. Scrolled.

His fingers were freezing. Nu Yang noticed his fear and, with a gentle gesture, placed his large hand on Xiao's shoulder.

The warmth of Nu Yang's hand burned through the uniform fabric, contrasting with Xiao's icy fingers. He almost let out a sigh.

Refreshed.

Scrolled some more.

And then he saw it.

. . .

Server error...

. . .

He frowned.

— Seriously?

Refreshed the page. Same message.

— Probably everyone's trying to access it

Said Nu Yang, trying to hold back laughter.

— Looks like a K-pop concert website.

— I don't find this funny.

Replied Xiao, pushing his phone back into his pocket.

— This is my life.

Nu Yang just watched him silently. He knew that behind that impatience, Xiao was terrified.

The teacher entered, announcing they'd do a group reading. No one was paying much attention — least of all Xiao. The phone weighed in his pocket like it was made of lead. He wanted to check. He wanted to not want to check. He wanted someone to say everything would be alright, but he also knew no one could guarantee that.

The teacher asked them to form a circle. Yang, worried about Xiao, sat beside him.

Nu Yang lightly ran his finger along his own thigh, as if searching for the rhythm of his own breathing. Maybe he was nervous too, even if he wouldn't admit it.

During the reading, Xiao tried to follow along with the paragraphs projected on the board, but the words got jumbled. His mind kept returning to the same place: what if it didn't work out? What if he'd been stupid to try?

These thoughts hammered at his mind, like quicksand — the more he tried to escape, the deeper he sank. He wanted to scream for help, but the words wouldn't come out.

And now?

What was he supposed to do?

Nu Yang noticed Xiao's discomfort. He stopped following the reading and placed his hand on Xiao's head.

To Xiao, it was as if an angel's hand had appeared to save him from that suffering.

Yang's hand was warm, but not unpleasantly so — it was like a cushion. The scent it carried was so sweet, like gummy candy.

For a moment, he remembered Yang wearing that panda pajama.

— You okay?

He slowly opened his eyes, meeting Yang's deep, warm gaze.

— I...

— Nu Yang and Xiao Xing, can you pay attention?!

Yang turned red with embarrassment. Xiao lifted his paper to hide his smile.

The teacher sighed, frustrated, but continued the reading in a low voice, as if trying to keep the class calm.

Xiao felt the weight of the moment like a tight knot in his chest. He tried to concentrate, but the words he'd written himself seemed distant, as if they were in another language.

Beside him, Nu Yang remained quiet, but his presence was silent support. He said nothing, just stayed there — a fixed point amid the whirlwind of doubts consuming Xiao.

Time seemed to drag on.

The pages on the board advanced, but Xiao's mind wandered, searching for some sign of hope.

Every sound, every sigh in the classroom seemed amplified inside his head.

Finally, the teacher closed the book.

— Now we'll wait for the contest results

She announced, with a voice that tried to sound firm but carried the tension of the moment.

A heavy silence fell over the room.

Xiao felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and tried to ignore it, but temptation was stronger than reason.

Luckily, the bell rang.

He took his phone out of his pocket, his hands shaking as if he were about to have an attack.

— Let's go to the rooftop?

Suggested Yang, breaking the tension. Xiao nodded slightly.

. . .

Yang handed him the juice box — everything suggested Yang had memory problems, it was always the same juice flavor. It was the first time Xiao had seen someone so passionate about strawberry juice.

The gentle breeze seemed to caress the pink strands.

His skin was so white and so...

Pretty!?

Yang gave a light tap on his face — he'd been hypnotized. How was that possible?

The silence was the usual one. They usually sat side by side on the rooftop while watching the people in the courtyard.

Yang would joke that they were like ants. Xiao would laugh and scold him.

But this time, someone needed to break the funeral-like silence.

— Xiao...

He seemed lost in his imaginary world.

— Xiaoooo.

Yang said while shaking him.

— Ah Yang!, sorry about that.

He said while coming out of his trance.

— You didn't need to be so nervous, you did your best.

Yang took a sip of his usual juice.

— Whether you come in first or last, it doesn't matter, don't be sad.

Yang looked like he was about to cry — really, no one would believe this tall guy with a tough-looking face could be so sensitive.

— I don't want you to feel sad, it's okay to feel afraid.

— I want to see you happy, so don't be so hard on yourself.

Yang was trying hard not to shed a single tear. Xiao noticed this, showed a gentle smile, and moved closer to him.

Stretched his small body, lightly closed his eyes and...

Muah!

Felt the small lips make contact with his cheek. His face quickly turned red, like a chili pepper.

As if it were a defense system, he moved away as fast as possible.

— Thank you, Yang.

Xiao's phone vibrated once more — this time he felt motivated. He took it out and accessed the school newspaper.

Scrolled down, saw the loading message.

Winners' list — there were 10 names on it.

Xiao carefully searched for his name on that intimidating list.

Until...

— Yang... look here...

Yang came closer, though keeping some distance from Xiao.

— Seriously?

.

. .

. . .

3rd place . . . 2nd place . . .

1st place . . .

Xiao Xing

— Xiao, you did it!

— I did it, right?

Xiao still couldn't believe he'd actually succeeded. Slowly, his tears fell onto the phone screen.

— Yang, I did it!

Xiao's smile was like fuel for Yang.

If someday he were given the choice.

He would choose to spend every single day by Xiao's side.