new fiction 1
"Who said you can stay here Aqua? You're only here because of the emergency clause. You're coming along to help. We'll send you to help Kazuma as his cheat item. Your contract isn't over yet." Amaterasu abruptly stopped Aqua's nonsense.
"Bb-wuuhh?" Was the most intelligent reply Aqua could make.
"Unfortunately Aqua-senpai, she is right. Besides, I could send Chris to help you out sometimes. She called me up and I can ask her to help out sometimes." Eris told a dumbfounded Aqua.
"Hahahaha! Can't get rid of me like you wanted to with Darkness and Megumin!" Some of my pent-up bitterness managed to rise up.
"Before we get drawn into more drama, we have limited time to meet here in heaven. I managed to narrow down our search. While I couldn't locate the teenagers, I found the older man. He was reincarnated fifteen years ago and…. That's it. The Creator God hasn't given me any information when I sent a request, but I can send Aqua to where he is a few months before Kazuma is born. At least she can protect Kazuma's parents before he's born." Amaterasu had a small folder appear in front of her.
"However that older man was a good-for-nothing NEET who got kicked out of his house and died getting run over by a truck. Ughh, imagine being thirty-four and a parasite to society." Amaterasu looked at me with some disdain.
"Hey! I'm not a NEET! I went out to buy some video games myself before I died. Why are you looking at me like that? I'm half his age too!" I spoke as Aqua snapped back to life.
"Who are you calling NEET? You're a Hiki-NEET yourself! Hiding in a cave for so many years until you couldn't resist my music. Mwahahaha. Maybe I should introduce that NEET to you when I meet him. Maybe I'll find him in a cave or some ruins like you.". Aqua's emotions suddenly flipped as she stuck a tongue out at a fuming Amaterasu.
A portal suddenly opened below us.
"Way to go Aqua, you pissed her off," I whined at my companion as a stray thought hit my head.
"Wait! Make sure that when I get reincarnated, girls will stop treating me like a pervert, scum or trash! I'm tired of being thrown awaaaaayyy…"
I only saw blackness.
K 423, Sharia
Kazuma (?)
I felt a roaring pain in my body, yet more life and energy than I could ever imagine.
I could barely make out the sounds around me but it didn't sound Japanese at all.
Where was my language upload? I had faith in you, Eris!
I looked to my left, at two women with striking maroon hair dressed in maid outfits.
Oh yes! I got maids, I guess we're rich!
On the other hand, I saw a handsome young man with dark blonde hair looking at me happily.
Seems like I'm in another foreign medieval fantasy world again. I wonder if they also have a Demon King to kill.
Wait, there's a blue-haired woman right beside him, was Aqua with them? We have a lot of issues to resolve but I had no way to talk to her in my current state.
Oh well, I have fifteen years to help the hopeless Goddesses out. I can talk to Aqua when I'm no longer a baby.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that woman wasn't Aqua.
I guess I also missed that useless goddess.
Oh wait, wasn't she supposed to protect my parents? Where is she?
"Ejañ ñibuñ vubhib jevuku evoñvo beqa"(2) Came a familiar voice.
Aqua?! And why can't I understand what they're saying?
"Zaiña ñejra zah xa?"(3) came a confused reply from the blonde-haired man
"Naniii?" Aqua's panicked look did not bode well for me.
The blonde-haired man stared at her and exploded in Japanese.
Now I remember why I didn't want to see her face again when I was with Eris.
I bet this is all her fault!
I noticed something else, something that made me realize how vindictive Amaterasu was.
"Wait! Make sure that when I get reincarnated, girls will stop treating me like a pervert, scum or trash! I'm tired of being thrown awaaaaayyy…"
My Holy Sword Excalibur was MISSING!
Noooooo!
The adults in the room stopped arguing when Lucy Greyrat cried her lungs out.
Although Aqua's sniggers were met with a glare from the baby.
===== PAUSE SCREEN =====
Kazuma Narrator Voice
So you might wonder, how did it end up like this how did I end up as a baby girl or how did Aqua end up at my birth?
And everything else that happened in between.
Well with the cat out of the bag and the adults knowing I was a reincarnate, and that my father Rudeus was a reincarnate too, I ended up spending my first few months hearing a lot of stories about the misadventures of Aqua and the Greyrat family before I was born. That and a few more crazy surprises.
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The Goddess in Exile
K 423, Begaritt Continent
Aqua
Stupid cheat Item rule! That Hiki-NEET Amaterasu would get a decade of ice buckets tossed on her hot head once I get back. And I'll keep making her clothes soggy and damp in revenge!
I was supposed to sit back, relax, and let Kazuma fix things the way he always does while I get to have a vacation in heaven again. He'd even get more powerful once we go back to Belzerg and maybe we'd have a chance to defeat the Demon King and I can get back for good.
Now to go to where his reincarnated parents would be.
It was evening, and I was in the middle of a frigid desert; there was a ruin in front of me.
Why would a NEET live here? Was he already kicked out of society? He really deserves a goddess like Amaterasu, cave-dwelling NEETs! Ughhh.
There was an awful stench wafting towards me.
A Succubus! What was she doing here? Time to kill that nasty demon. There's no Kazuma to stop me.
I'll use my super skill to kill that demon.
"Sacred Exorcism!"
A large circle of light enveloped the Succubus, lighting up the ruins and the desert around it.
The demoness let out a high-pitched shriek, and her nails grew to an unnatural length. Her body itself was changing shape. Fully formed wings burst from her back, and she beat them fiercely, trying to lift herself off the ground. She was unable to escape, burning from the exposure to a fully powered Sacred Exorcism.
The woman let out one final, eerie cry, but my spell was unrelenting. After a moment, she fell backward. The woman twitched and spasmed a few times but soon stopped moving. She was charred and dead.
I saw a blond teenage boy walk towards me; he had a dazed look in his eye and that nasty look of perversion on his face.
He was clearly bewitched by that Succubus.
I sure showed him.
"Rudeus!" A woman's voice cried out behind him.
A beautiful blonde elf came out, armed with a sword and shield. Her face kinda reminded me of Darkness and Iris if they became elves instead.
She looked at me cautiously as I processed what was going on with my brilliant mind.
"Goddess? Is that you? Your blue hair looks a bit different, and the huge spell you cast blinded me, but I can feel your awesome power again, master!" Rudeus cried out to me.
I don't remember setting up the Axis cult here. But a follower? I know I'm such an awesome Goddess.
"Of course my dear follower, remember, the Axis church can get things done!" I looked again and still smelled the stench of the Succubus' spell on him, it's time to dispel that and get an easy life from him for the next fifteen years.
Does that mean the blonde elf beside him is his wife? Kazuma is gonna be born part-elf? Talk about maxing out his luck.
"Rudeus! Snap out of it, while I know you have a weird obsession over Roxy, this isn't your Goddess! She's just a powerful saint-ranked mage or something with Blue hair too, but she doesn't exactly look like a Migurd. Although it's odd finding someone who can cast Saint-level holy spells outside of the Millis faith. Who are you?" The blonde elf said with a fiery look in her eyes. Was she jealous of me?
Sheesh, Goddesses don't even have sex, I won't steal your man.
The blonde elf looked at me oddly, did I say that aloud?
"Wait, let me break the curse on Rudeus. Sacred Break Spell!" I use only the best spells for my fervent loyalists.
Kazuma should be like his new reincarnation's father, appreciative of my power and divinity.
"Huh? Who are you?" Rudeus asked me. Did my spell wipe out his memory too? Impossible, it must be the side effects of the succubus. Just how powerful was the one I killed, the one I saw in Axel didn't seem this powerful, although she did make Kazuma fight for her…
"I did hear that the scent of the Succubus has the ability to drive men out of their minds. I see that part was true as well." The elf beauty slowly sheathed her sword, then folded her arms with a sigh. "…Good grief. You almost worshiped a total stranger. Speaking of which, who are you? While I appreciate a powerful priestess killing a succubus and clearing Rudy's mind, why did you willingly help and what is this Axis Church? Powerful mages like you never do these kinds of help for free."
How dare she question my awesome goddess self? On the other hand, I never visited this world before nor sent my subordinates here, so I never had a chance to set up my cult. I would appreciate some money though.
"I'm Aqua! The Water Goddess, I went here because I had to …. " I tried to speak about helping Kazuma and his reincarnation but I was muted and Eris shouted a quick reminder to me as time froze for a moment.
"You can't tell these mortals about Kazuma until he gets reborn, you're disrupting another God's realm as it is already, don't push too far." Eris shushed me
" to help defeat the demon king". Wait, my brain continued saying the other half of what I wanted despite the fact I got muted about Kazuma.
"The Demon King? Do you mean Badigadi? What did he do to you? He's a loud and proud guy and crazy at parties but his wife, the Demon Empress wouldn't be happy with you if you threatened him." Rudeus looked at me like I was an idiot.
That no-good NEET attitude showed up, no wonder he lives in a ruin. How did he even get this girl as his wife?
"Or do you mean the four other Demon Kings? They promised to stop attacking humans after the Demon God Laplace was defeated hundreds of years ago. They generally mind their own business in their own domains. Still, it doesn't explain why you're here, on the opposite side of the world from the Demon continent. Also, claiming to be a Water God is a tall order; Rudy here is a Water Saint with as much mana as the Demon God and he doesn't go around screaming that title, in fact, I never heard of one outside of legends." The NEET's wife is more annoying than an Erisite priest. No wonder she deserved to be his wife.
I should show them.
"If you doubt my power, I'll turn this desert into a lake!" I whipped out my magical staff once more, pointing at the large desert north.
"Sacred Create Water!" Without Kazuma and the others around, and more magical power to draw in this world, I quickly flooded the desert with cold water as far as the eye could see. I also felt a lot more refreshed now that the air is more humid. The torrent of water was far more than I expected, maybe visiting heaven topped up my mana?
"See? I'm the Goddess of water, and with no useless NEET to interrupt my casting I could make as much water as I want. And it's even special holy water with healing and anti-demon properties!" I looked down on the NEET couple when the elf girl grabbed me and pulled me into the ruin.
"Rudy! Seal the entrance of the ruin with the strongest earth spell you can! This blue-haired idiot just started the most destructive event in the world since the displacement!" The elf girl panicked as massive tremors started spreading around.
A massive barrier sealed the ruins as my night vision automatically activated.
"Hey! What's the big deal? The desert is a hot and dry place, I did you all a big favor by solving your water problems. Besides, I didn't detect any other people in the area I flooded. Anyway, I'll make a barrier too!"
I started drawing up a divine circle while the NEETs with me were whining.
"Divine Circle!" The barrier I made left a residual glow in the ruins, making it unnecessary for Rudeus to keep up his fire spell.
There was a lot of turmoil outside, but I bet it was just the undead creatures buried under the desert sands that got exorcized from my holy water.
I felt a cold blade on my neck and saw Rudeus point his staff at me.
"Now that we're safe inside, explain yourself. Even Paul was never this boneheaded and reckless in all my years of adventuring." The elf threatened me as she asked me again.
K 423, Begaritt
Rudeus Greyrat
This Water God mage or archpriestess, whatever she claimed to be blubbered an explanation as she cried a small puddle of tears, literally, when Elinalise interrogated her.
I kinda felt sorry for the girl, she looked like my age but had the craziest traits combined.
She was a beauty, no doubt about that, in my Succubi-intoxicated state, I even confused her for my Goddess, Roxy. She looked a bit older than Roxy but had blue hair and a ridiculously powerful magical skillset. She even barely said any incantations for her spells. I wonder who taught her all this if even the knowledgeable Elinalise had no idea about her.
As crazy as it seemed, she still seemed trustworthy, when she said she was on a journey to defeat the Demon King and find a few lost friends. There was something definitely missing from her story but I could give her a chance.
She looked like a naive and hopeless teenager who should be with more responsible adults for her own safety.
Elinalise kept treating her like an idiotic child though, I couldn't blame her.
Our journey through the new lake from the former desert made the Demon continent feel like a cakewalk.
Normally, we would've worried ourselves about the heat or lack of water but Aqua's absurd water spell made that a thing of the past. In fact, she wasn't lying that her water had holy properties in it. Not only did it stay clean unless heavily ruined, but it even removed aches and pains when we bathed in it. Instead, the cold water made the weather feel cool and moist instead of dry and hot.
Due to the lack of wood in the desert, I fashioned a boat using Ice magic, making it solidify by pouring even more mana into it, like how I made my clay figures. Elinalise kept paddling the boat with her immense strength and stamina, using hardened clay paddles I made that she easily used for us. While Aqua also seemed very strong, she had the attention span of a child and caused more problems than solutions if we kept her paddling for extended periods of time..
We were wearing coats, but not for the reasons anyone would've expected. It was to stay warm while we were on a boat made of ice and to keep ourselves from being sunburned by the naked sun above us. While I could use a variant of Burn in place to keep myself warm, it would've melted the ice on my seat on the boat and I'd be left damp and cold yet under the hot desert sun at the same time. A perfect recipe to get sick.
It would've sounded like an idyllic trip through the desert if it wasn't for more complications.
"This is why whipping up a rainstorm would've been a bad idea," Elinalise grumbled. While she was paddling the boat, she was also our navigator, having a natural sense of direction as an Elf to keep us on track even though all the features of the desert have been erased by this new lake. "All these hordes of monsters are killing each other around us."
Elinalise generally managed to keep us on the deeper and safer parts of the lake, although that has led to some awkward situations when it came to our physical needs, and more than once I needed to cast a large spell to destroy the monsters on a small island just so we could stay there for a while. As much as Aqua whined about Goddesses not needing to use the bathroom, I bet she just went while we weren't watching her on the far end of the island.
Hordes of monsters rampaged the shallower waters of the lake. Some parts being less submerged than others, these monsters fought over the shallow waters and small islands where they could survive.
So far, we've lived off of the rations I prepared for our trip, but with a third person around, we would need to hunt to augment our supplies or find a settlement soon.
The next threat arrived suddenly and without warning.
"We're under attack!" shouted Elinalise, leaping on the boat and drawing out her weapons.
A split second later, something gigantic burst up out of the water just ahead of where she'd been paddling.
It was a worm.
An extremely large worm—maybe a meter thick and at least five meters long. It let out a strange barking sound in mid-air, then plunged back into the water and disappeared. It seemed to ripple towards a small island a hundred meters away from us.
"Good lord, that startled me…" she said.
"What was that thing, Elinalise?" I asked.
"A Sandworm, I suppose. A very large one."
Sandworms were monsters that sat waiting patiently under the sand, then burst up to attack when prey happened to pass nearby. I'd never seen one before, but apparently, there were similar creatures in the Great Forest.
Their sizes differed greatly, though. The forest-dwelling ones were only about twenty to thirty centimeters thick, and they could maybe bite off your leg at worst.
"I hear they have big ones in the Demon Continent as well," Elinalise said. "You've never seen one?"
"Most of the monsters I ran into there were just snakes and wolves. Oh, that and some weird walking armor thing."
"Walking armor? What was this, a Soulbreaker?"
"Nah, they called it an Executioner. It's the one with the big sword."
"Ah, those are a stronger variety. You don't want to run into one of them when you're on your own." It seemed the Sandworms here were unusually large too. I'd caught a glimpse of five meters of its body, but the rest was still underwater; it might be as much as ten meters long in total.
That made them large enough to swallow a man whole. If you happened to wander over one without noticing, it was the equivalent of stepping on an instant death trap. Still, they didn't pose much danger as long as you could avoid their initial attack.
I froze the water where the Sandworm was hiding, chopping it up with icicles. It died without even a shriek. A small puddle of fluid formed around the water around the part of its body that had burst from the surface.
Aqua woke up from her nap and groggily asked what was going on. We took shifts resting on the boat and when Elinalise was resting, Aqua and I took turns paddling, albeit a lot slower.
"We talked about the kind of monsters we might find in the desert, especially after you ruined it." Elinalise still spoke pointedly towards Aqua. While she no longer viewed Aqua as a threat, she viewed her as an annoying woman-child instead.
"If they've got worms that big around here, I wonder what the butterflies are like?" Aqua mused. " I just hope they don't have giant frogs around here." The bluenette shuddered at the thought.
"I never heard of giant frogs, but I'm also curious about large butterflies," I asked our long-suffering guide.
"Maybe that's what they call the Succubi. They're a bit like butterflies of the night, aren't they?"
"Haha. Does that mean you started off as a bug yourself, Elinalise?"
"Heh, well…we all have our awkward early years, you know." Elinalise gave a small laugh as she looked at Aqua. "But at least I grew up."
"Hey! I'm all grown up myself too!" Aqua sounded like a petulant toddler who wanted to be a big kid.
Any thoughts I had about Elinalise's younger years got dashed as I felt a sharp pain on my left arm.
"Noooo!" Elinalise shouted as she sliced another sandworm in half.
I caught a third one with an overpowered stone bullet and saw what happened.
I lost my left hand all the way up to the elbow.
This early on and I got injured this badly? This was an awful start to the trip and the result of my overconfidence.
===== PAUSE SCREEN =====
Kazuma Narrator Voice
Now this part of the story was difficult to piece together since it always caused a fight between Aqua, Rudeus, and Elinalise. You can tell they kept blaming each other when they recounted the story to my new mother Sylphie and the other members of the household who did not join the trip to Begaritt.
Although my grandparents were thoroughly unamused.
===== UNPAUSE SCREEN =====
"Heal!" Aqua shouted at me. "Heal!"
"Hey! A simple beginner spell can't do anything to restore my… WHAAAAT!" I shouted as I saw my left hand, as good as new. The skin even looked smoothed and unweathered by the years of adventuring I had.
"Did you just casually cast a King-tier heal spell on me?!" I panicked at the sight, while I appreciated a brand new hand, the fact that Aqua so casually built it from nothing gave me a stark reminder of how powerful this girl was. She held my arm above the elbow and looked more annoyed at the blood than anything else.
"It's just a simple heal spell from me, it's not like I raised you from the dead or something. Just eat a bit more meat to recover from the blood loss." Aqua said dismissively, dipping her bloody hands in the water to clean herself. She started humming something that sounded like an anime theme, but that must have been a coincidence, right? Maybe Nanahoshi's songs were spread by those bards far and wide.
At least we didn't need any soap or shampoo with water as pure and special as this one.
I shook my head as we continued our journey, eating more jerky along the way.
The last group of monsters we saw that day was a large group of ants. Clustered on a particularly large island. Ants the size of dogs were piled on each other and surrounded a much larger ant in the middle. Clear differences in their ranks can be seen, some had wings and others even had oddly human-looking bodies.
"Be quiet Aqua. We don't want to provoke them." Elinalise warned us as we quietly glided the water on our boat.
"Given their size and numbers, that's definitely an S-rank threat. Even more, since their underground nest got destroyed and they're all on the surface now." Elinalise said.
"Wow, really? I'm a little curious." I asked while looking at Aqua's reddening face. She had puffed-up cheeks as she looked like a kid having a time-out.
"Phalanx Ants are one of the most dangerous monsters out there. They have an insatiable appetite and the ability to consume anything in their path. These ones are massive too and must be unique to this continent."
"They also must be starving by now, with almost two days' worth of floods ruining their usual food sources." She added as she saw the circling ants.
The Phalanx ants were a mutated version of army ants. Unlike other ants, they spent their lives in constant motion, eating everything in their path. While they had some natural predators, their sheer numbers made them a scary prospect to fight, even for stray dragons.
Since they were monsters rather than normal animals, they were more aggressive and smarter than an average ant. If we somehow attracted their attention, they would swarm towards us, even with the deeper waters around us. They would sacrifice other ants to build an ant bridge to reach us.
"Oh! That must be the queen." Elinalise pointed out a particularly large ant among the crowd. It was at least two meters in length and had the upper body of a female human.
Maybe we'd stand a chance if I used some massive spell to hit all of them at once? No… If I tried to hurl a nuke that big, it would probably end up hitting us as well.
"Uh, Rudeus? Why do you look like you're getting ready to fight?"
"What? I'm not." I gave a bald-faced lie.
"Well, you're clearly thinking about how you'd try to kill them."
"Why are you scared of a bunch of stupid ants, I bet I could blast them apart myself. But I'll bless the three of us first." Aqua declared with her hands on her waist.
"Increase magic! Increase strength! Increase luck!"
I never heard of these spells before but I suddenly felt like I could take over the world. Although I started feeling close to bursting.
Didn't Badigadi compare my mana reserves with Laplace? Did her spell increase my mana too?
"I need to release my magic or I will explode." I rubbed my staff and started considering an overpowered exodus flame toward the nest. Maybe turn the island into lava instead? It didn't seem so difficult to turn my quagmire into a lava version.
===== PAUSE SCREEN =====
Kazuma Narrator Voice
While Aqua was an extremely powerful goddess, her blessings had a bit of a give and take. You see, she can boost just about anything from stamina, strength, magical power, even luck (despite her abysmal luck), however, what they didn't know was that it came with a minor intelligence debuff. One they wouldn't notice since they didn't have an adventurer's stat card with them.
And for all the benefits Aqua gave to a party, her sheer bad luck, awful personality, and impulsiveness rivaling that of a toddler given a tub of ice cream. The party was in for a rough time.
===== UNPAUSE SCREEN =====
"Stop saying things like that dear, it's difficult to resist temptation for so long." Elinalise blushed as she saw me rub my staff.
Oh, I miss Sylphie.
Here goes!
I turned the ant island into lava.
That reminds me of something I heard as a joke somewhere "The floor is lava".
Pandemonium started.
After an hour of relentless spell casting, Elinalise paddled as fast as she could toward Rapan and Aqua casting healing spells at me again and again since I was the most fragile member of the group.
We finally escaped the army of ants.
"I think we killed a million ants today and patched up Rudy's limbs so many times that he should have scars on top of scars by now." Elinalise looked at my pitiful appearance.
While all three of us were in various states of undress due to the constant ant attacks ripping away at our clothes, Elinalise and Aqua barely got a scratch. Their immense toughness which probably came from their Touki made me envious of high-level swordfighters.
How did Aqua even have absurd mana and that much Touki?
If I didn't have the foresight to protect our provisions in a reinforced block of ice and earth, it would've been destroyed by the ants within the first few minutes of their attack.
"Sacred Exorcism!" Aqua shouted towards a large silhouette.
"Hey! Rudeus! Don't just watch. Help us!"
A wall of bats were approaching us, pissed off since Aqua attacked them so suddenly. Why did she want another fight so quickly after our horrible escape from the ants?
I smelled something sweet in the air.
It was a Succubus, but it was burning to a crisp.
"Oh, crap! Stone Cannon!" I smashed the burning Succubus who fell into Aqua's lake. It screamed even more in the holy water.
After clearing the rest of the Giant bats I got really horny and wanted to feel up Elinalise.
"Come on! Please? Just a little? I won't even put it in all the way! Why don't I just use the back entrance? That doesn't count as cheating, right?!"
I was about to grope her from behind but.
"Stop being an idiot!"
I got hit with a vicious shield chop.
"Aqua, can you dispel the succubus curse again."
Aqua cast her curse break spell on me again and my mind cleared up.
Elinalise explained that Succubi controlled Giant Bats to attack women, while the Succubi controlled men. Gay men were probably the only ones who stood a fighting chance.
We continued towards Rapan and saw other types of monsters that even Elinalise couldn't name. From velociraptors, strange alien-looking creatures, and different varieties of creatures that could easily be from RPGs and Fantasy games from my past life.
We would've faced them if they weren't stuck fighting for those small islands, or fleeing the giant Garuda packs.
.
.
.
.
The second day was a lot more peaceful, with only a behemoth lurking under the lake. Those were generally harmless monsters unless provoked.
Although too many adventurers wasted their lives trying to kill them in order to get those massive magic stones found in its belly.
Elinalise tried to encourage me to kill one for the money, but I had too many bad experiences the previous day to consider an unnecessary fight.
On the third day of our trip, a thunderstorm occurred, I guess the ecological disaster Aqua caused finally bit us back in the ass.
Against the teachings of my professors, I cleared the storm in the area.
===== PAUSE SCREEN =====
Kazuma Narrator Voice
Rudeus and Elinalise looked very uncomfortable when they recounted the story in front of the others at the household but Aqua took over and caused a lot of groans and a bonked Rudeus.
Although I was rather offended whenever Aqua kept looking at me whenever she talked about perverts and NEETs.
I thought I'd be reborn with a chance to avoid those labels.
And as fun as it is to be born in a family that looks ridiculously powerful and attractive.
Why does it have to be a girl?
*Giggles from Amaterasu could be heard from a distance*
===== UNPAUSE SCREEN =====
Aqua
"Why are you so uptight with each other? Aren't you husband and wife? I can always turn the other way and sing lalala while you go at each other." I needed Kazuma to be reincarnated and since Rudeus' wife doesn't look pregnant at all, I needed them to make babies.
The NEET and his frigid wife sputtered and turned red.
"I won't do Paul's son/Sylphie's grandmother!" The two of them shouted at each other. Although Rudeus said it a lot more half-heartedly. What a perverted NEET.
"What! I support all forms of love in the Axis cult, even if it is polyamorous as long as all parties consent." I thought Eris and Amaterasu would give Kazuma a good reincarnation, I need my ticket back to heaven as strong as possible to defeat the Demon King. And I was wasting a good fifteen more years doing this annoying errand for Amaterasu.
"That's not it. My granddaughter, Sylphie, recently married this hopeless pervert while I married Rudy's friend, Cliff." Elinalise explained as I got a small headache.
"Then why were you in the middle of nowhere far away from your husband? And why would Rudeus leave his wife all alone? Did you elope in the desert or something?"
"What? No! I'm here to rescue my mother and help my father's team in the labyrinth. Sylphie is pregnant and can't help, while we need others to watch at home. If anything, why are you following us around?" Rudeus asked me suspiciously.
Time to make something up.
Hmmmm, I remember what the Crimson Demons did to Megumin and Yun Yun a few months ago. I'll do that brilliant idea.
I did one of my voice-changing tricks to imitate Soketto's voice and did my best impression of giving a prophecy.
"Your child has been prophesied to save the world. They will be the result of a union of a powerful mage and his wife. Your child shall work with parties with powers far beyond the mortal limits. They shall deal against enemies unseen and not of this world and shall face challenges far and wide. A strong knight, an explosive mage, and a very powerful healer shall be among their strongest partners." I ended my pseudo-prophetic voice and visual effects.
Rudeus and Elinalise looked stumped at the revelation, haha, suckers.
" A strong knight, an explosive mage, and a very powerful healer. You don't presume you mean us, right?" Elinalise looked at me as she
"I-i believe you, any child of Sylphie will be special. I guess we'll let you go along with us, as long as you help the party out. We'll really appreciate a powerful healer such as you."
That's good, Rudeus acknowledges my power and skills. Now I can start molding him to become a good Axis cultist.
===== PAUSE SCREEN =====
Kazuma Narrator Voice
Little did Aqua know, but I think Rudeus was treating her like an overpowered Chuuni brat.
Another small fight came up since Elinalise admitted to groping Rudeus when he carried her up the steep cliff face leading to Bazaar.
Aqua didn't even let Rudeus touch her as they went up his makeshift earth elevator.
Roxy and Sylphie hit Rudeus while my grandmother slapped Elinalise in the head. Things didn't get any better as Aqua continued her story, oblivious to the chaos she was causing in the household.
===== UNPAUSE SCREEN =====
A Gryphon tried to attack us while Rudy and Elinalise were groping each other. If it wasn't for my Godblow, these two weirdos would be bird food.
I mean Rudy's stone cannon and other attacks helped, but I sure did most of the work. Those two can't even keep it in their pants. Maybe I can marry all four of them in an Axis wedding.
At least we had roast Gryphon for dinner. Rudeus was surprisingly good at mixing spices and seasonings
I had to deal with these two lovebirds making innuendos out of the fried bird we had.
Elinalise even mocked Rudy's mother, Zenith as she was seductively licking the chicken in front of him.
She even brought up how promiscuous her old party was. Sleeping nude or in their underwear, and I think Rudy muttered something about Paul sleeping with everyone in the party? It seemed like Elinalise was very angry at the man, and I could relate. It seems like Kazuma was born to a line of perverted NEETs.
If Kazuma tried to do that kind of thing to me, I would castrate him and reincarnate him as a cockroach. Goddesses DO NOT have sex!
We saw a city around a lake, it was nothing compared to the one I made with my awesome goddess powers.
That must be the City of Bazaar.
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After several days in the trip, I decided to ask Elinalise about something I've noticed over the last week.
"Elinalise, why are you wearing a diaper? And Rudeus? Why do you keep holding her there? Is that your fetish? I mean the Axis cult doesn't usually do that fetish in particular aside from that loli-loving priestess, but she couldn't find any partners to do that, poor Cecily."
Rudy and Elinalise were sputtering again.
What's with it and their falsely suppressed libido?
"This isn't a diaper! It's a magical implement my husband made so that my curse won't strike me so often. I've been cursed to have sex every day or else I would die, and since I didn't want to cheat on my husband as much as possible, I wore his new device. Dear Rudeus over here has to recharge the mana a few hours a day in order to make it work." Elinalise put her hands on her padded waist, glaring at me again.
"Yeah! It's not like I'm into that. Don't tell me you can magically cure that too?" Rudy challenged me.
"Of course, I could do it! Who's the awesome Goddess of Water here?"
"Sacred Dispel!" I pointed my spell at Elinalise's "underwear"
A gasp, moan, and then a shocked Elinalise grabbed me by the arms.
"What did you do?! I suddenly lost any feeling of pain down there. Did you really just end my curse?! I swear I'll do anything to repay you if you really did."
"Rudy, can I take this off? I want to see if she's right. If she isn't, at least we're just a day away from the Bazaar and I can get a prostitute to solve my problem."
Elinalise had no sense of modesty, I mean as a girl I don't mind her stripping in front of me but she took off her shorts and underwear and tossed her underwear in her bag. Wearing her clothes carelessly in front of Kazuma.
"Aaahhhh, I really hope this works. I want my next time to be with my husband Cliff."
===== PAUSE SCREEN =====
Kazuma Narrator Voice
Aqua got a lot of appreciative glances at home when she told that part, even Cliff, or I think he was Cliff based on how Elinalise was clinging to him, hugged Aqua and said that he might even hear out what the Axis cult was all about. It seemed that nobody explained the situation of Elinalise's lack of curse in the last few months, although with Aqua and her abysmal luck around, there were tons of bigger issues that must have distracted them every day.
Cliff said he would at least appeal to stop the growing bounty on Aqua's head for supposedly stealing God-level spells from the Millis church. While other religions weren't specifically prohibited by the Millis church, the Axis cult was treated extremely suspiciously by everyone aside from Aqua and her followers.
If they were anything like the lunatics in Alcanretia, it was a no-brainer.
The temple knights were already banned from entering Sharia because of an uneasy truce made by Rudeus, Badigadi, and several other parties, however, it did nothing to stop the bounty posted on the adventurer's guild.
A thousand gold coins for Aqua's head would've made her life very difficult in Sharia if it wasn't for our other friend.
===== UNPAUSE SCREEN =====
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A case of mistaken identity
K 423, Sharia (Several months before Kazuma's reincarnation)
Eris/Chris
I had a different problem, while Aqua-senpai was clueless enough to not connect my identities as Chris and Eris together, Amaterasu wasn't fooled.
She convinced me to help Kazuma's mother out since Aqua was busy accompanying Kazuma's dad.
I had a lot less time to spare than Aqua but I came in prepared. With a sack of gold coins (which was easily made in heaven to match the highest valued currency in whatever world we go to), I proceeded to go to the adventurer's guild in Sharia.
I knew Kazuma wouldn't be born for another half year so I just needed to make sure his mother stayed safe and that I could run interference in case Aqua-senpai caused some problems.
It was mean of Amaterasu to send my senior to the SIx-Faced world without any preparation at all.
Even though the Creator God hasn't replied to us at all, at least I had some money and equipment.
I decided to call myself Eris here, I didn't have a cult yet and it would be nice to set it up here too. Stealing followers from the Creator God or whatever his cult would be is a fun payback for ignoring us.
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I decided to go with my Chris costume except I changed a few things.
I made my hair a certain shade of red since I wanted to try this color out and I decided to keep my usual padding.
I was pissed off when the palace guards thought I was a young boy, so I made sure to add a little bit more when I went out into this world.
Even if it made me three sizes larger.
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Gathering information at the Adventurer's Guild was a breeze, the receptionist informed me all about the adventuring system discreetly and gave me an F-ranked card. She initially asked me if I was part of a group that sounded like the former Dead End party but I shook my head with the usual mysterious smirk. She had the impression that I was a former adventurer who merely lost their card, which was the impression I wanted to give since I had limited time to visit this world.
If Amaterasu was sloppy enough to lose four people to a random world, she was likely to commit more errors while I was busy helping Aqua here.
At least life in the wonderful world was temporarily paused for fifteen years until Kazuma would return.
I didn't want to associate myself with an unknown group. However, it gave me the idea to start scouting for temporary parties to rank up quickly.
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It wasn't difficult reaching E rank in two weeks, a pretty girl like me easily got into parties with gullible men. The jobs were very easy and I had no problem being an all around scout, although they considered me a rogue rather than a thief.. They didn't have job classes set on paper like the previous world but everyone still had a role in the party.
In fact, I was halfway through the 10 consecutive D-ranks to reach D-rank when some interesting news finally arrived.
An adventurer who took a quest to bring Rudeus' (Kazuma's reincarnate father) horse back from the forest, although he was apparently obligated to not reveal more information than that. Rudeus paid a premium to keep his secrets tight.
Even though I was teleported somewhere near Kazuma's mother, I had no information about her until a week into my stay in Sharia, Rudeus' marriage was no secret matter, although I had no reason to meet her yet.
It was interesting however that the former old NEET managed to get a reputation as a high-end adventurer who could even cast magic chantlessly. Most mages here needed to cast long spells to use magic.
Even magic in my world needed the spell to be spoken in order for it to be cast, except for rare spells like Explosion and other high-end spells.
Magic was stronger in this world, the Creator God seemed to be generous with sharing his mana all over his creation although I had no more interest in contacting him.
I needed to become a powerful adventurer and then build up my cult here. I might as well make the most of my crappy situation.
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Another month and I was a brand new C-ranked adventurer. I wanted to get the connections and prestige associated with the S-ranked adventurers in order to become more credible.
However, my meteoric rise up the ranks didn't go unnoticed.
My stealthy attacks and sneaky ways got miscredited as a certain fighting style called the North God style. One of their most popular practitioners, the North Emperor Auber was known to do ninja stuff like hiding in plain sight, sneak attacks, poisoning, and other lightning-quick strategies that also have a lot in common with the skills I had.
I was walking towards Ranoa University, looking for the mysterious source of energy near the campus when I got blocked by a rough-looking guy with something that looked like a rapier. He had strangely symmetrical scars on his left and right side and reminded me of a movie character from one of the movies Aqua watched in the Divine Realm.
"My name is Rugen and I am the ninth student of Auber the Peacock Blade. I heard that your former master Ruijerd defeated my senior Rodriguez, third student of Auber the Peacock Blade. He wouldn't stop bragging about how the Superd he fought had an apprentice, a red-haired adventurer named Eris. While it has been some time since he last met your party, you seem to fit the description quite well." Rugen had a swagger matching Dust on his drunken party days.
"I would've wanted to fight your master but I assume your party has disbanded ever since your leader went on his own? The Adventurer's Guild never talked much about it but that was what everyone said. Even though you got yourself a brand new adventurer's card, there is no fooling a clever man such as I. You must be Mad Dog Eris!" Rugen shouted these words, drawing the attention of stray adventurers and students.
I had no idea what he was talking about, but people in the guild have been whispering about the Dead End party and Mad Dog Eris more and more since I've risen up the ranks.
A crowd was forming and they were chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight!"
"I think you are mistaken, Sir Rugen, but you've built up quite a crowd. How about a friendly wager? If I defeat you in a submission match, you pay for my meals for a week and teach me a technique."
Rugen harrumphed and replied. "I guess that would be a fair wager, although as a man I think it would be beneath me to get free food from a young woman. I will only ask for information about what happened to your party and where to find Ruijerd Superdia when I defeat you. An S-ranked North Saint such as I won't lose to a kid like you."
From what I know in this world, a Saint-ranked fighter is pretty serious business. I probably needed to use my supporting spells on myself quietly and do quick attacks. It's been a long time since I've had a serious fight in this body.
"Powered, Protection, Resistance, Haste," I whispered silently, I didn't need to bless myself with more luck.
I was using my true form as Eris, rather than my Chris form today since I was supposed to investigate the extremely strong magical interference going around some parts of the city. I believe there's at least one lost teenager from Japan running around the city but my mortal body lacked the sensitivity to dispel the interference.
A certain special student saw the fight from a distance. He overheard the gossip that a woman claiming to be the Eris Greyrat was making rounds in the adventurer's guild at Sharia, and he wanted to get to the bottom of this.
Next up: What would happen to Rudy, Elinalise, and Aqua at Rapan? How would Eris deal with her mistaken identity? How do you think the duel would go, and would Cliff solve the mystery in time? Hitogami is in for a biiiig twist in his plans. What do you think the big magical interference is at Sharia?
Author's Notes:
Characters/Pairings: None
Prompt: One of Rudy's children turns out to be a reincarnated person like Rudeus. Which child it is and who got reincarnated can be anyone (same world, our world, or even other fictional worlds)
Themes/Genre Requests: None
Avoidances: None
Additional Notes: A crossover could be fire, but is not necessary.
To whoever asked me to write this, I apologize that Kazuma isn't as prominent as he could've been, I only know post Fighting God Armor Badigadi Mushoku Tensei in broad strokes and guesses, so as Rudy's kid, he isn't able to do much until he grows up a bit more.
Although I really want to turn this into a proper fanfic that I would slowly update whenever I feel like making a comedy fic.
Since Eris is stuck in Chris mode at the time of Rudy's death, someone else less intimidated by Aqua than Eris is around to process Kazuma's reincarnation, he's at a low point in the mid-story when it comes to Kazuma's self-esteem with his party, compounded by the fact that Darkness AND Iris ended up killing him. Konosuba LN Vol 7 mentions Amaterasu… how she is a Hikikomori like Kazuma, and how Aqua's singing dancing, and party-making managed to trick Amaterasu out of her state. Kazuma was resurrected three times at this point in the LN and at least six times in the Anime, I'll be referencing that inconsistency. Although this Kazuma experienced the LN deaths only.
Aqua said "I told you he'd be perfectly safe" in Human tongue which is basque with reversed consonants. As a Goddess, Aqua would have no problem with her version of Allspeak… Unfortunately, they forgot to give Kazuma a language download too since Amaterasu sent them down in the middle of their argument.
Rudy says "But she's a girl" in Human tongue
You know how highly Aqua thinks about herself, it's also a challenge writing a disjointed idiot savant's mind-space while making it work for readers.
Yup, Aqua solved Elinalise's problem like a boss, without caring for any implications whatsoever.