12

It's cold.

Awareness comes slowly, and painfully. Yet it's not the dull, throbbing pain in her midsection that catches Shiki's attention when she finally wakes. Rather, it's the jarring sensation of something distinctly cold beneath her skin instead, an unnatural chill that sinks deep and lingers in her bones.

Cold.

The little girl opens her eyes.

For a long moment, her surroundings are nothing more than a vague blur. Shiki blinks a few times, and eventually her vision swims back into focus. It's…

… She doesn't really know what she'd been expecting. But somehow, she finds that she's not entirely surprised to be met with the all-too familiar sight of a sterile, gray ceiling.

"You're finally awake."

The little girl turns her head from where she's resting on the hospital bed, registering a shock of snow-white hair. "… Sa–"

She breaks off halfway with a slight cough, one hand automatically reaching up towards her throat in vague surprise. It's startling, how strangely sandpaper-dry her throat feels. Satoru-oniichan shifts forward from where he's leaning against the open window, and moves to hand her a glass of water from the table by her bedside.

"Take it easy, you've had it rough," he picks it up and hands it over to her. "How are you feeling?"

"…" Like I got stabbed is her knee-jerk response, but she manages to bite down on those words at the last moment. It… probably wouldn't be the best reply. Shiki sips quietly at her cup, trying to come up with a better answer–

–wait.

The little girl promptly chokes on her water as everything suddenly comes flooding back to her.

Pain, blood, the flash of a blade–

"Whoa, slow down there, no one's fighting you for a drink–"

"You were hurt," she blurts out, overwhelmed with what she remembers. "That curse user, he… he stabbed you!"

Us, really, but that's not the important part here–

Shiki looks up towards her cousin in concern, ignoring the water spilled over her bedsheets. "Are you alright? How…?"

Satoru-oniichan smiles placatingly. "Aww, is my adorable little cousin worried? There's no need to fret, though –see, I'm perfectly fine. It wasn't that particular hit that I had to worry about, anyways…"

The little girl tilts her head in confusion as the older boy's voice trails off.

"… But don't worry about it," Satoru-oniichan finally says, leaning over to pat her on the head, ruffling her hair affectionately. "You should be a little more concerned for yourself, really."

Concerned for herself? But he was the one who'd been stabbed, right in front of her eyes–

–and Shiki had been stabbed at the time, too. She'd… somehow completely forgotten about that, for a moment.

Ignoring the distinct discomfort in her midsection, the little girl eyes her cousin skeptically. No matter his claims of being perfectly alright, he'd been run through with a blade. Certainly, from his slouched posture and the way he was standing it didn't seem like he was injured, but…

But Shiki can't help but recall the past few days in Okinawa, when Satoru-oniichan had only smiled breezily the entire time, no matter the sleepless nights and countless curse users that came their way.

Shiki knows that Satoru-oniichan is strong. Strong, indomitable, invincible –all the way up until he isn't. The thought had never occurred to her before, but now that she considers it, truly thinks about it… it's unfair, putting that sort of burden on his shoulders in the first place. No one is ever truly invincible, so it's patently unfair to expect that of someone.

Even Gojo Satoru.

… What's truly important is growing strong enough to stand on your own two feet. Shiki doesn't –she just doesn't want to be a burden, but that's exactly what she was. Is.

If Satoru-oniichan and Geto-san hadn't been run ragged by the burden of protecting Shiki on top of Amanai-san –Riko-neechan– would they have been able to react to the curse user's ambush in time? If Satoru-oniichan hadn't been weighed down by Shiki in his arms, would he have been able to avoid the curse user's wicked blade at the last moment?

If, if, if.

If only…

Shiki's hands slowly curl into fists over the white bed sheets.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

Her cousin blinks. "What? No, none of this had anything to do with you. If anything, it should be me apologizing to you. I was the one who convinced Suguru that it would be better if we took you along with us on our mission."

Shiki shakes her head, "That's not–"

"Listen," the teenager says, "None of what happened on this mission was your fault. That responsibility falls on me and Suguru. I shouldn't have…"

Satoru-oniichan breaks off with an irritated sound, vaguely frustrated. Is he frustrated with himself over what happened? … Is he frustrated with Shiki?

I'm sorry. I'll do better next time.

Shiki loosely holds the empty cup in her hands, and quietly sets it onto the stand by her bedside in the ensuing silence.

"… How did the merger go?" she asks, for lack of anything better to say.

Her cousin shrugs, "There was no merger."

"No merger?" the little girl frowns. But wasn't the entire point of the mission to protect Amanai Riko the eventual merger with Tengen? In order to 'reset' Tengen's cursed technique of immortality so they could continue maintaining the jujutsu barriers, or something like that? "But Riko–"

"Amanai's dead." There's no particular inflection in his tone when he says those words, as easily as one might remark on the weather. Satoru-oniichan looks at her, perfectly unperturbed, and tells her in a mild voice, "Amanai died before the merger could happen. So, there was no merger."

"Oh," Shiki blinks slowly. "… Was it the curse user?"

"Yeah, so about that. Turns out he actually wasn't a curse user at all," her cousin responds. "Didn't have a single drop of cursed energy in him. That was Zenin Toji, the Sorcerer Killer."

Shiki's eyes widen at the revelation. No cursed energy? But the strength that man had possessed, those movements–!

It was hard to imagine someone could fight like that without using cursed energy at all.

"He killed Riko-neechan?" What kind of monster could get past two Special Grade sorcerers? Someone who wasn't even a sorcerer themselves, at that?

Although, his name… Zenin. That was… one of the other 'three great families,' wasn't it?

"He did," Satoru-oniichan shifts, leaning against the wall. "Killed Amanai, then made off with you. So I tracked him down and killed him."

The words are light, breezy.

Shiki nods, "Okay."

There's a part of Shiki's mind whispering that it's not a good thing to be so indifferent towards the prospect of killing. Towards death. She remembers Kento-ojichan telling her before that it's important, the ability to discern whether or not it's 'right' or 'wrong' to kill. But… what happens if she no longer recognizes the difference? … Had she ever truly known the difference in the first place?

The curse user is easier to rationalize. Well. The not-curse user, she supposes. Shiki can't say that she's particularly sad that Zenin Toji is dead, given how he'd almost killed her and actually did kill Amanai Riko, on top of hurting Satoru-oniichan. She thinks it's probably understandable that she finds herself entirely unsympathetic to the man's fate.

What's a little more concerning is that Shiki isn't particularly upset about Riko-neechan's death, either.

… She'd honestly liked the older girl. Amanai Riko was bright and outspoken, and in the short time they'd known each other it had felt like there was something Shiki could relate to in her, despite their differences. Shiki hadn't minded being led down the winding halls of the Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium by the excitable girl, admiring the myriad colorful species of fish with her. It was… nice.

But now she's dead, and Shiki discovers with mild consternation that she isn't sad about it, not really.

Why?

… Is it because she'd known from the very start that Amanai Riko was slated for death? Because of the merger? Or… is it because Shiki simply hadn't been that attached to the older girl in the first place? … Is there something wrong with Shiki, for not being upset over Riko-neechan's death?

There must be. Because it feels like she should be upset, but she isn't. And that's the cold, hard truth of it.

… Kento-ojichan had once told Shiki that she had a 'good heart.' She'd been happy to hear his confidence in her at the time, but now she thinks that he must be mistaken.

"'Okay?' That's all you have to say about this?" her cousin asks.

Shiki gives a noncommittal shrug. Satoru-oniichan laughs.

"I should've guessed this would be your reaction," he says, whatever that means. The little girl tilts her head in confusion, but the older boy does not elaborate on that comment. Instead, he smiles at her, equal parts fond and rueful.

"Rest up," Satoru-oniichan tells her, patting Shiki on the shoulder. "Once the doctors give you a clean bill of health, Kiyohira will be coming by to take you back to the estate. Given the scare this time… the clan might be a little overbearing for a bit, just so you know. But don't worry too much about it, your Toru-nii will make sure they don't overdo things!"

If it had been the Shiki before this entire debacle, before the complete whirlwind of these past few days –she would've just taken her cousin at his word. Satoru-oniichan is the strongest. With strength comes power, comes influence, and she'd trusted him to watch out for her. She still does, but…

But there's a nuance of added perspective to that previously unthinking sort of understanding now. Shiki reflects on the weariness she'd seen in Satoru-oniichan from running his cursed technique nonstop, and recalls the vague surprise she'd seen in his expression when the Sorcerer Killer had finally made his move at the very end.

The flash of a gleaming blade, followed by a wet splatter of blood.

So, Shiki doesn't just passively nod to her cousin, as she's grown so used to doing over the past few months. She'd been content accepting her cousin's protection, but she knows that there's only so much he can do. And that's alright. In the first place, it's unrealistic and wrong to rely on someone for everything. Even if it's someone who's willing to and wants to protect you –especially if it's someone like that.

Her visit to the Kamo Clan had impressed upon Shiki the importance of being able to protect oneself. This had been made ever more glaringly evident by her run-in with the curse user who'd used a doll technique. Her subsequent encounter with the Sorcerer Killer only confirmed it.

Shiki isn't strong enough to take care of herself, not yet. But she will be. And in the meantime, she'll do whatever she can towards reaching that goal, so that she might be able to help those around her, instead of causing them harm and bringing them down.

Small steps.

"It's fine," the little girl lifts her head and looks up at her cousin, directly meeting his eyes with a steady gaze. "Do what you need to, Toru-nii, and don't worry about what it might mean for me. I won't let the clan walk over me."

The young man pauses for a moment, a loose expression flitting across his face as if vaguely surprised.

And then he smiles.

.

.

It feels like it's been forever and a day since she'd last seen Kiyohira-sensei, for some reason. Logically, Shiki knows that isn't the case, because it's only been a few days–

"You were laid out in the hospital and unconscious for nearly three weeks," Kiyohira-sensei growls. For all the irritation in his words, the burly man's hands are surprisingly gentle as he deftly loosens the bandages wrapped around Shiki's ribcage. "We almost thought you were going to slip into a coma again."

Three weeks? Really?

The burly man clicks his tongue. "Satoru-sama didn't tell you?"

Shiki scrunches her face, "… I don't recall him mentioning it."

Kiyohira-sensei grumbles irritably, "Tch. If he hadn't spent as much time as he did just sitting in that room and waiting for you to wake up, I would've suspected that he didn't care at all."

The little girl gives the man a strange look for those words. "Of course Satoru-oniichan cares, Kiyohira-sensei."

Her teacher and caretaker is silent for a long moment.

"Listen," he finally says, "I know that Satoru-sama has been looking out for you ever since you were brought back to the clan, and he's probably one of the few people that you're close to."

That does not sound like a particularly promising start. Shiki bites down on the instinctive knee-jerk reaction to defend her cousin. She'll hear Kiyohira-sensei out, at the very least.

"As a sorcerer, Gojo Satoru is utterly brilliant. The clan could not ask for a more talented child to be blessed with both Limitless and the Six Eyes," the man admits bluntly. "Yet when it comes to his personality… It is not my place to speak ill of how Muneyoshi-sama raised his son. But he's… Satoru-sama isn't…"

Kiyohira-sensei scowls as he struggles with his words, lips curving into a steep frown.

"He has a skewed perspective," is what Kiyohira-sensei eventually settles on saying. "Even if it's not always obvious. Satoru-sama is the type of person who will smile and laugh and joke with you, while not meaning a single word of it. I highly doubt that he even sees people as people most of the time, gods."

The man raises a large hand to rub at his forehead as he heaves a heavy sigh, clearly unhappy.

"I respect him, for his strength. I obey him, for he is my clan's heir. But I do not think I could ever trust Satoru-sama, wholly and unreservedly," he tells her with an expression akin to a grimace. "I've seen the way the two of you interact. It's true that he watches out for you, and he really does seem to be fond of you, but how much of that is truly genuine? … I've literally watched that kid grow up, and I still couldn't tell you."

"What are you trying to say?" Shiki asks. "Are you saying that I should distance myself from Satoru-oniichan? Because you're wary of him?"

"When he finally masters Limitless and the Six Eyes, he'll be something akin to a god walking amongst mortals. Throughout the heavens and the earth, he alone is the honored one." Kiyohira-sensei shakes his head, "No, I'm not asking that you distance yourself from Satoru-sama. God knows that kid needs more healthy human interactions."

"Then, things should be fine as they currently are."

Kiyohira-sensei sighs again. "You're a smart kid, Shiki, which is why I'm telling you this: Be careful, when you're with him. Satoru-sama… is dangerous for more than just his blessings."

Shiki tilts her head. She doesn't really get it. Why is Kiyohira-sensei saying this? He's known that Shiki is close to Satoru-oniichan for ages –she thinks that would've been evident from the very start, considering how it was Satoru-oniichan's intervention early on in their training that led to Kiyohira-sensei's attitude thawing towards Shiki and all. But he's never tried to warn Shiki about Satoru-oniichan before, not like this.

So, why? What changed?

The only thing Shiki can think of is recent events, the failed mission to protect Amanai Riko. But Satoru-oniichan had done his best the entire time, protecting both his assigned charge and Shiki. Did the clan blame him for this failed mission? But the mission hadn't been so simple, surely there was more to take into account than just that–

It takes several pointed questions on her part before she is finally able to convince Kiyohira-sensei to divulge another piece of news, regarding what had occurred:

"Satoru-sama nearly killed civilians. Regular, non-sorcerer civilians," Kiyohira-sensei closes his eyes painedly. "There were hundreds of them in the room. If it wasn't for Geto arriving just in time, he might've gone and… gods, I don't even want to think about what may have very well ended up happening."

The man reaches up a large hand, tiredly rubbing at his face with a groan as he stumbles over his words. Shiki gets the general gist of it, though, realizes that Kiyohira-sensei is genuinely concerned for and wary of Satoru-oniichan for his mindset–

She just doesn't understand it.

… Well, no, maybe that's not quite the right way to be phrasing this.

Shiki understands that killing is considered a 'bad thing' in almost every respect aside from killing curses, for a sorcerer. Killing is wrong –except for when it isn't.

The little girl wonders where Kiyohira-sensei draws his line, in regards to killing. She wonders where she draws her own. For some reason, she's getting the distinct feeling that her line may be a lot closer to Satoru-oniichan's than Kiyohira-sensei's.

Kento-ojichan would probably be upset, she thinks, then carefully sets the thought aside.

Shiki blinks guileless eyes back up towards her teacher when the man squints down at her suspiciously for her prolonged silence, in wake of his words. Dark eyes narrow, then widen in horrified realization–

Truly, Kiyohira-sensei knows her well. The thought is as warm as it is terrifying.

"Fuck. What am I even saying? You… you're just like him, aren't you?" The man's uncharacteristically tremulous words are barely above a whisper.

"Not really," Shiki denies immediately. Then pauses, mulling over her response a little more, because he deserves an honest answer from her. "… At least, I don't think so?"

Kiyohira-sensei does not look convinced in the least. Fair enough. Shiki wouldn't be particularly convinced by her own response, either, if she were in his place. Especially since–

"I killed a curse user, that day when I left the compound," she says. "You know that, right?"

"… Yes. But that was self-defense, that's not–"

"It was, in a manner of speaking. But it was also a deliberate choice," Shiki corrects, though not unkindly. "Towards the end, I could've chosen to let her live. But I wanted to kill her. And so I did."

Shiki turns away slightly so she won't have to look at Kiyohira-sensei's eyes. His judgment only matters to her as much as she allows it to.

"My cursed technique makes it easy to kill, and I'm being trained on how to kill effectively," she lays out the facts simply. "It wasn't hard. And… in the future, I'm probably going to kill a lot. Curses and humans alike."

Shiki has never really thought about it like this before. But looking at things in perspective, she's absolutely certain that this is the future that awaits her on this path. Somehow, though, rather than terrifying her, this realization settles something inside her instead and steels her resolve.

"I think it was probably the same for Satoru-oniichan, too. Six Eyes and Limitless, right? But unlike me, he was born with this power, so he's been trained for this since birth." Shiki splays out her hands in a hapless gesture, what can you do? "Knowing from the very start that you're being honed as a blade, constantly aware that you're meant to kill… isn't it only normal, then, that it becomes part of your nature? Isn't it only to be expected?"

Or maybe it's always been part of your nature from the beginning. Who knows?

The little girl is wise enough not to voice the latter thought aloud.

She glances back towards her teacher-caretaker. Kiyohira-sensei is staring at her like he's seeing her for the first time.

The man's mouth opens and closes mutely, and his strained voice when he speaks again is distinctly hoarse, "Does the value of another person's life mean nothing to you?"

"'All life is precious,'" Shiki promptly recites, in exactly the same cadence that she remembers from her lessons.

"That's not what I asked," he says tersely.

The little girl blinks slowly, but does not respond. There's no good way to answer this –not when she herself isn't entirely sure of her own answer, either.

The obvious answer is 'no,' of course. All life is precious. Everyone's life means something, so it's a terrible thing to kill without meaning. No one wants to die a meaningless death. In fact, no one wants to die, period, under most circumstances.

But what does it mean for Shiki?

… Shiki wants to be 'good.' Unfortunately, it looks like being good is shaping up to be a lot more difficult for her than it is for Kento-ojichan. But how much of her struggle is because of her circumstances and her cursed technique? And how much of it is simply a problem with Shiki herself?

"Forget it," Kiyohira-sensei abruptly leans back and sighs, like a man carrying the weight of the world on his tired shoulders. "I shouldn't have asked. I shouldn't have said anything about this in the first place. Just… forget it."

Shiki looks up at the tall, grizzled man. There's a certain sort of irony in this, she thinks. Gojo Kiyohira is her teacher, the one responsible for teaching Shiki how to fight and kill. Yet out of the two of them, he's the one actively concerned by Shiki fighting and killing. She doesn't understand why it seems to be such a problem– isn't it only natural for a sorcerer to kill? And isn't Shiki specifically being trained to become a full-fledged sorcerer someday?

Without another word, Kiyohira-sensei turns and begins walking forward along the street again. The little girl hurriedly runs a few steps to catch up with the older man, reaching out and tugging his coat to get his attention.

Kiyohira-sensei grunts, "What is it?"

"Are you upset with me?"

The man whirls on her with a scowl, "You think I'm upset? I'm not upset, idiot girl, I'm worr–"

Shiki blinks in confusion when Kiyohira-sensei breaks off mid-word, making a frustrated sound.

"Look. I'm not upset with you," he says, sounding very upset. The little girl tries not to look too skeptical. "I'm just… trying to think of what to do from here. The last thing the clan needs is another Gojo Satoru, but… you…"

A heavy groan. "Oh, what am I to do with you, Shiki?"

She doesn't understand.

"… Teach me." Isn't that obvious? The little girl cocks her head, uncomprehending of why he is reacting like this. "You're… you're my teacher, aren't you?"

Kiyohira-sensei suddenly pauses. Glances down at her, with an unexpected, instantaneous sort of dawning realization in his eyes that settles into something determined.

"That I am," he responds softly. "That I am."

.

.

Shiki's return to the clan compound is a quiet affair, for the most part. There are several meetings held over her disastrous outing, but no real consensus is reached aside from a promise for a thorough investigation. Most of the arguing and politicking goes over her head, but by the end of it Daisaku-sama's sharp scowl has turned into something grudgingly satisfied instead, so Shiki cautiously takes that as a good sign. For now.

She and Kiyohira-sensei are soon dismissed, and they return to his dwellings together.

It's not hard for Shiki to notice that Kiyohira-sensei is more… careful, with her, following the aftermath of their strange conversation outside of the hospital. Still, during training, the man remains as harsh and unforgiving as ever. Shiki asks to learn knifework in addition to swordplay, and Kiyohira-sensei agrees to her request easily enough.

The strangest change in his demeanor is that he also starts encouraging her to play more with the other children in the clan. Which is quite baffling, especially considering his previous attitude on the matter. Kiyohira-sensei himself had been extremely wary of Shiki's cursed technique in the beginning, after all, so for his opinion to abruptly change like this…

Shiki eventually tries asking him about it one day, only to be bodily hauled up by the scruff of her summer yukata and tossed off of the engawa with strict orders not to return until the evening. Or continue any other training exercises during the meantime, or else.

… Utterly mystifying.

Shiki wanders aimlessly around the garden paths and ends up camping out in the camellia bush beneath Yuzuki-san's window for the remainder of the afternoon.

"I don't think this is what Kiyohira-san meant when he said you should spend more time outside, Shiki-san," the pale-faced boy tells her tiredly, breaking off into a round of raspy, rattling coughs. He doesn't chase her away, though, and eventually ends up exasperatedly handing over a worn scroll to Shiki under the weight of her silent, expectant gaze.

Of the children living in the compound, a small handful were around her age. There was only one other girl who happened to be exactly the same age as Shiki, but it was rare that she saw her around. Shiki suspected that it was deliberate –the rumors following the girl in question were less than kind, after all. Gojo Aya had been born out of wedlock as the result of a dalliance between one of the clan's sorcerers and a servant. One of the clan's married sorcerers, at that.

The last time Shiki had seen the other girl was sometime back when… back when she'd still been living with Ima-san? That sounds right. It's certainly been quite some time since then.

Visit me sometime, will you? Ima-san's voice drifts across her mind.

… Someday, maybe.

On the other hand, Gojo Yuzuki was a sickly boy three years Shiki's senior, with ashen hair and dark eyes the color of fine inkstone. The boy had a quiet voice and mild temperament that made him fairly relaxing to be around –likely a side-effect of the chronic illness that left him bedridden most days, and unable to run around the compound like all the others his age.

Shiki can commiserate with that, somewhat. Maybe not the 'bedridden' bit, but certainly the 'being confined' portion of it.

She'd met Gojo Yuzuki at a funeral.

… Isao-san's funeral, to be precise. It had all been very solemn and very proper, but when Yuzuki had introduced himself as one of Isao-san's younger cousins, Shiki had half-expected to be punched in the face, or something. Isao-san died protecting her, after all.

"You killed the curse user who did this?" had been the first words that Yuzuki-san had spoken to her, eyes dark with some unnamed emotion.

"Yes."

The older boy nodded once, firmly. "Good."

In addition to the service held for Isao-san, Shiki had also attended Suzurigi-san's funeral. Suzurigi Hideo, the unlucky chauffeur who'd also gotten caught up in the doll user's attack, and died for it. She'd had to learn the young man's name from one of the other servants.

Yuzuki-san had been visibly surprised to learn of it, when it came up in conversation, then quietly offered to accompany her.

Unlike the cold, choking silence that had filled the air at Isao-san's funeral, Suzurigi-san's funeral had been a much more emotionally charged affair. Several of the people present had openly been in tears, and one pale-faced young woman in particular had to be bodily carried out when she'd lost her composure and fainted in the middle of the proceedings.

"Hideo's fiancée," an elderly man had explained quietly. "They were childhood sweethearts, and she… she didn't take the news very well. Please forgive her unseemly behavior."

It's a funeral. What is there to forgive? Not to mention, it was Shiki's fault that the man was even dead in the first place.

… Shiki hadn't been sad when they died, both Isao-san and Suzurigi-san. She feels… responsible, in a way? But not sad. She doesn't know either of them well enough to be sad for their deaths. Shiki hadn't even been sad for Amanai Riko upon hearing of her death, and she'd certainly known and liked the girl better than the both of them.

But standing in attendance at Suzurigi-san's funeral, seeing the incessant tears, the open sorrow… something inside Shiki's chest had inexplicably clenched in response to the scene. Fleeting, and only for a moment, so brief that it was as if it hadn't existed at all. But it had still been more than enough for Shiki to decide that she didn't like it.

… She didn't want anyone to die for her. That's all.

"I'm sorry," she'd tried to say, but somehow that had only sent the Suzurigi family into a panic.

"Please don't say that, ojou-sama–"

"You honor us, the Suzurigi is unworthy of such words–"

"It is more than enough that we are graced by your presence! Please, don't–"

For the very first time, Shiki truly felt the suffocating weight of her new status as Gojo Shiki. It was a good thing that Yuzuki-san had been with her then, the boy swiftly stepped in upon noticing her stunned silence and deftly set about diffusing the minor upset with nothing more than a disarming smile and gentle words.

"Please, be at ease. Shiki-ojousama did not mean to imply anything with her apology," he'd murmured softly. "The Gojo Clan thanks Suzurigi-san for his service."

Shiki had left Suzurigi-san's funeral quiet and subdued. Thoughtful.

"… You're not going to start acting weird if I thank you for defusing things just now, are you?"

"No," Yuzuki-san had reassured her, vaguely amused. "They only responded like that because the Suzurigi is one of the clan's lower-ranked vassals, and they no longer have any active sorcerers in their bloodline. If they'd openly accepted an apology from the blessed child, it would've invited a lot of trouble for them –both from the Gojo Clan, and other vassal families looking to supplant them."

Shiki nodded slowly in understanding. Unlike swordplay and spellwork, koto and dancing and everything in-between, clan politics were not part of her lesson plans.

"Thank you for the explanation. And, thank you for helping me."

"You're welcome, Shiki-san. Anytime."

Anytime, he'd said.

In this moment, lying under the dappled shade of the camellia bush with a scroll on the Gojo Clan's history that she isn't even really reading anymore, a sudden thought strikes Shiki like a lightning bolt.

The white-haired girl sits up sharply and turns to tap at the open windowsill. "Yuzuki-san. Are we friends?"

"… Is this a precursor to something?" is the suspicious response that she gets. Shiki rolls her eyes.

"It's an honest question," she says pointedly.

"If we are," the boy responds after a beat of silence, "Then, may I ask you a question?"

A shadow falls across the frayed paper of the scroll in her hands. Shiki looks up to where Yuzuki-san has leaned halfway out over the window above her. Gojo Yuzuki is quiet and fairly easygoing, most of the time, but there's something in his expression that gives Shiki the impression that this is a serious question.

"Do you want to be the clan heir?"

"No." The response is thoughtless, immediate. Shiki follows it up by crossing her arms in an 'x' across her chest for emphasis. "Absolutely not. Satoru-oniichan is the heir, isn't he?"

"If Satoru-sama doesn't demand headship from Hisayasu-sama sometime soon within the next five years, I'll be incredibly surprised," Yuzuki-san says dryly despite his frail breath, and rolls his eyes. "When Satoru-sama becomes clan head, then. Will you put forth a claim for heirship?"

"No."

"Why not? … It might be difficult, but not impossible for you."

Because Shiki knows that the Gojo Clan only sees her as a tool. Her eyes are the only reason why they've stepped in to take care of her. In some respects, Shiki is grateful towards the Gojo Clan, but she's not blind to its faults. And… she doesn't know if she would ever truly consider herself a 'Gojo' someday. Knowing what she does of the clan, Shiki is perfectly happy to not involve herself any more than necessary in its matters and internal affairs.

"I'm not interested," she tells Yuzuki-san very firmly, "And I don't want it."

It's the truth.

The boy gives her a long look, then sighs.

"… Alright, I see how it is. Pass me the scroll, will you?" He holds out a hand, fingers sickly pale beneath the afternoon sunlight. "If you leave it on the ground like that any longer it's going to stain, and then I'll have some very awkward questions to answer from my parents."

Shiki startles a little, immediately picking up the scroll and brushing it off… it doesn't look like there are any growing stains, though?

"Sorry," she apologizes by rote regardless, and hands it back to its original owner. Yuzuki-san's fingers close over the worn paper, and the boy swiftly retracts his arm back into his room.

"It's fine. You shouldn't apologize so easily, though. Others might very well see it as something to capitalize on," he tells her, although there's no real reprimand in his tone. "How long did Kiyohira-san tell you to stay out for?"

Shiki pauses for a moment. "… The entire afternoon, I think. Why?"

Another scroll comes flying out of the window. Shiki deftly snatches it from the air and turns it around curiously.

"More clan history?"

"Even if you don't want to get involved in any more clan politics, a general understanding will only be helpful. I don't think you'd want to go around setting off any unintentional accidents." Yuzuki-san coughs harshly at the end of the sentence, losing his breath momentarily. "… As Satoru-sama says, 'Any incidents are best caused fully intentionally.'"

Shiki laughs, "That does sound like Satoru-oniichan."

.

.

…

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