Vol. 2 Chapter 56: Eat My Fishing Boat

A gigantic eldritch god stepped out of the dimensional gate. Even though it was just a projection, it radiated a terrifying aura. The moment this thing appeared, Jeanne and the others felt a powerful mental shock.

But almost immediately, another, even stronger mental force surged in, cutting off the pressure entirely.

"Was that… Master?" Jeanne clutched her head and shook it, then forced herself upright.

"What is that thing?" she gasped, staring at the colossal, alien figure standing atop the river.

The creature's octopus-like head reached into the clouds, and even though the river's surface of the Mion barely reached its knees, its entire body was covered in greenish scales—scales that looked brittle, yet gave Jeanne a terrible premonition: Unless she used her ultimate trump card, there was no way she could pierce those scales.

As Jeanne stared, the Cthulhu-like creature remained motionless. Perhaps it had been asleep in R'lyeh for so long that it hadn't fully regained its senses. Its dull, pea-sized eyes on that bulbous cephalopod head just stared blankly at the lights of Fuyuki City.

Just as Mordred raised her demonic sword, Elizabeth drew her Lightning Roar, Nero gripped the Primordial Flame, and Kiyohime readied her blue dragon's breath—just before they unleashed hell—a sudden mental message from Dracula halted them.

[You all—don't act rashly. Fall back, slowly and quietly. Don't attract its attention. This one's got a designated handler.]

[Master? (Dracula-san)?] ×5

[Trust me. You girls can't deal with this one. To banish it, we'd need at least a Grand-class Servant…]

[…Alright.]

Though reluctant, the girls obeyed Dracula's command and cautiously retreated up to the river embankment.

Seeing them safely out of range, Dracula sighed in relief, then turned toward the other side—where Nyarko was doing warm-up stretches.

"Hurry up and finish it," Dracula said. "For every extra casualty, I'll stab you with a fork one more time."

Nyarko, who was twisting her waist mid-stretch, shivered instantly, snapped to attention, and saluted.

"Nyarko—locked and loaded! Transformation complete!"

She hopped in place, did a stretch, then launched herself over the parapet, somersaulting down toward the Mion River.

Cthulhu stood motionless, knee-deep in the river.

[Where… is this? I should be asleep beneath the sea… in R'lyeh. The stars are not yet aligned…]

It scanned itself.

[This is… a projection. I see. A follower has summoned me.]

[So then… where's the sacrifice they promised?]

Its massive octopus head turned and stared at the lights of Fuyuki City. Despite the nightmarish events taking place—the Sea Demons, the falling stars, now the appearance of an eldritch god—most of Fuyuki's people remained unaware, hidden by thick fog and oblivious to the chaos outside.

[Lights? Humans? Hmm… delicious… such delicious scents…]

Its gaze sharpened.

[I get it now… this city's delicacies must be the offering meant for me.]

Its stomach rumbled—figuratively. Apart from the occasional sacrifice from Deep Ones, it hadn't tasted anything this enticing in thousands of years.

"…I shall now feast."

It spoke a phrase in a tongue no Earthling could understand. Then it raised a massive, limp-looking claw, aiming straight for a riverside apartment building.

But just then—a fierce voice rang out.

"Stop right there!! Foul creature of evil!"

This voice, which to Cthulhu should've sounded like the squeak of an insect, carried a strange power. Despite itself, the god instinctively felt that ignoring this call would lead to terrible consequences.

And so, it turned its head—toward the riverbank, where a silver-haired girl with a ridiculously long ahoge, dressed in an even more ridiculous outfit, stood defiantly.

[Unknown creature.]

It blinked at her, then began reaching again for its delectable prey—ignoring the annoying ant shouting at its feet. After all, what threat could she pose compared to the meal waiting in that apartment block?

"I told you to STOP!"

The girl—clearly frustrated—reached under her skirt and pulled out a crowbar, scientifically known as the Holy Sword of Physics, and hurled it with all her strength at Cthulhu's knee.

The creature didn't care… at first.

But when that crowbar struck?

Pain.

A sharp jolt, like being clawed by Hastur himself, surged up its leg. The god staggered slightly. Its attack halted.

Angered by being thwarted again, it lashed out a claw at the annoying little ant.

"Haha! That's it! Evil one! I, the righteous Kamen Rider—Nyarko—shall defeat you!"

She posed… bizarrely.

BOOM.

Cthulhu's claw slammed down, crushing the entire embankment.

But—the insect was gone. Had she died, it would have consumed her soul.

"Up here, you idiot!"

The voice came from above. The god looked up—Nyarko now stood silhouetted against the moon, like a goddess of the night.

"Evil beast! In the name of the Moon and Chaos—I will punish you!" She formed finger-guns, aiming at Cthulhu. "Take this! Nyarlathotep—Fishing Boat Attack!!"

[Did she just say… Nyarlathotep?!]

Cthulhu's mind stumbled in shock.

But the girl had already acted. She reached under her skirt and pulled out—

"…What is that?!" Mordred stared at the sky, dumbfounded. "Did she just pull a whole fishing boat out of her skirt?! Are… are girls always that powerful underneath?!"

"Dracula-sama's friends really are weird," Kirie murmured. "Though, he's pretty weird sometimes too…"

All the girls stood stunned, unable to respond to the absurd scene. Even with Dracula's psychic shielding, Nyarko's actions shredded their sanity.

Nyarko jumped aboard the fishing vessel, now flying in midair. One hand gripped the wheel; with the other, she slashed through space behind Cthulhu—reopening the gate that summoned its projection.

At last, Cthulhu recognized her.

Sweating profusely, it raised both hands in the unmistakable Dracula-taught gesture of surrender among Old Ones.

[…Nyarlathotep-sama—it's me, Cthulhu! Your loyal high priest! You're hitting a friendly!!]

But Nyarko didn't care.

She rammed the fishing boat straight into Cthulhu's soft-looking belly.

"Back to where you came from, evil!"

"GYYAAAAHHHH!!"

The tattered-looking fishing boat, in the hands of an Outer God, slammed Cthulhu so hard it shrieked like a banshee. The great Old One stumbled backward—right through the spatial gate—and vanished.

"That's amazing… incredible! Truly incredible!"

Standing atop the Fuyuki Bridge over the Mion River, Ryunosuke Uryuu watched the bizarre spectacle unfolding in the distance. Ignoring the bewildered glances from passersby, he waved his arms and jumped around with glee.

Seeing Cthulhu's pitiful state far away and hearing its agonized howls, Dracula thoughtfully rubbed his chin.

"How tragic… to end up as Nyarko's plaything. But wait, could it be that staging this whole fishing-boat-ramming-a-great-old-one scene was her goal from the start?"

He gave the idea some careful consideration—and the more he thought about it, the more it seemed likely. Nyarlathotep was the most human-like of the Outer Gods in behavior… and simultaneously the most unfathomable. Her actions, driven purely by whims, were impossible to predict. Whether the result was good or bad never mattered, so long as it satisfied her capricious interests.

After Cthulhu was flung backward, Nyarko nonchalantly reached out and closed the spatial gate. The fishing boat landed with a splash in the waters of the Mion River, and Nyarko stood gallantly at the bow. One hand planted on her hip, the other brushing her silver hair aside, she looked dashing—utterly commanding.

"Nyarko, you're so cool!" cried a voice behind her—specifically one of the lingering Cthu-girls. "Nyarko! I want to have your babies!"