**Chapter 5: What Harm Could a Tiny Human Plot?**
*(A whimsical rewrite for Western palates)*
The next morning, the Qin household erupted into chaos. Why? Because three-year-old Qin Feng had just shattered the family record by breaking through to the **Kaiyuan Realm**—a feat typically achieved by teenagers, not toddlers who still drooled on their training robes.
**"YES! YES! YES! My son is clearly destined to become the next Heavenly Burger Emperor!"** roared Qin Tian, the family patriarch, puffing his chest out like a rooster who'd just won a karaoke battle. He'd been repeating this phrase to anyone within earshot, including the confused gardener and a particularly judgmental house cat.
Qin Feng, meanwhile, was sweating harder than a snowman in a sauna. *"Great. Just great. Dad's gonna get me assassinated by some 'chosen one' protagonist before I even lose my baby teeth,"* he thought, recalling every cliché fantasy novel where overhyped children ended up as plot fodder.
His mother, Yun Xiyue—a glowing, heavily pregnant warrior-queen hybrid—waddled over and ruffled his hair. **"My little storm cloud! So diligent, so *mature*! Not like those other snot-nosed gremlins who cry over spilled juice boxes!"**
Qin Feng forced a smile. *Ah yes, the perks of being a reincarnated adult trapped in a toddler's body: no tantrums, advanced bladder control, and a crippling fear of your unborn brother's 'friendly-fire' protagonist aura.*
Speaking of which—Yun Xiyue suddenly doubled over, clutching her stomach. **"IT'S TIME… AGAIN!"** she bellowed, her voice shaking the ancestral portraits off the walls. Outside, the sky decided to join the drama: lightning zigzagged like TikTok dances, thunder boomed like a bass drop at a dragon rave, and phantom dragons/phoenixes materialized overhead, squawking ominously.
**"Baby Bro's finally making his grand entrance!"** Qin Feng squeaked, equal parts excited and terrified. His "little brother" had already spent *three extra years* chilling in the womb—probably sharpening his protagonist knives.
Qin Tian, now pacing like a caffeinated peacock, alternated between grinning and grimacing. **"This kid better have at least *half* your talent, Feng! And maybe… *not* trigger another apocalyptic prophecy?"**
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Meanwhile, the heavens themselves seemed to protest the birth. A crushing aura descended, flattening servants like pancakes. Qin Tian roared, **"WHO DARES CRASH MY SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY?!"**
**"Relax, dear nephew! Just your friendly neighborhood emperor checking in!"** sang a voice as smooth as poisoned honey. Descending from the sky in a *literal golden chariot pulled by albino llamas* (because subtlety is for peasants) was the Great Xia Emperor—a man who'd mastered the art of smiling while plotting your demise.
**"Aunty Xiyue's in labor, and you're here to… help?"** Qin Feng deadpanned, deploying his signature *Innocent Toddler Blink™*.
The emperor chuckled, reaching to pat his head. **"Such a… *precocious* child! I merely wanted to congratulate—"**
**"NOPE!"** Qin Feng backflipped away using his **Phantom Frolic** technique—a move he'd perfected to evade diaper changes.
The emperor's eye twitched. *Since when do toddlers have better evasion skills than my royal guards?!*
**"Your Majesty,"** interjected the Qin family's Second Elder, materializing like a grumpy hologram, **"if you're here to 'test' us again, I'll turn your llamas into barbecue."**
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Not one to miss a PR opportunity, Qin Feng suddenly switched gears. **"O Mighty Emperor! Your radiance outshines the sun! Your wisdom dwarfs the oceans! Your beard is… impressively fluffy! Surely, someone as *generous* as you brought a gift for the new baby?"** He batted his eyelashes, channeling the spirit of a Disney-princess-meets-street-hustler.
The emperor's smile froze. *This tiny human is either a prodigy or a menace. Possibly both.* **"Ah, yes. A gift!"** He snapped his fingers, and a servant rushed forward with a gilded box. Inside? A cursed rattle that allegedly "enhanced talent" (and also tracked the family's every move).
**"How… *thoughtful*,"** Yun Xiyue growled from her birthing chamber, between contractions that could've leveled a small village.
Suddenly, the phantom dragons/phoenixes screeched, dive-bombing the manor. **"The baby's coming! And he's bringing the apocalypse as a side hustle!"** Qin Feng yelped, ducking a fiery feather.
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As the Qin family scrambled to fend off mystical poultry and the emperor's shady schemes, Qin Feng whispered to his mother's belly: **"Hurry up, Baby Bro. Dad's one compliment away from getting us all isekai'd."**
The chapter ended with three revelations:
Baby Bro's birth cry sounded suspiciously like a villainous laugh. The emperor left muttering about "silencing that unnerving child." Qin Feng started drafting a **"Protagonist Survival Guide"**—Step 1: *Always keep candy bribes handy.*