Our Hero Begins His Ascension… Straight Into a Trap

And after a while, they were soon what looked to be halfway up the stairs, slowly making their way to the top—almost like that one mission in Plunger Man Sixty-Four, running up endlessly long behind-stairs.

Arsenio led the way, with the trio following behind. Finn lost track after the two-hundredth step, exhausted and drained, with Majestria lounging completely relaxed on his shoulders.

Finn wondered why he was even doing this. But when he had tried to put her down, she refused. And even when he did manage to get her off, she stood there motionless, not budging an inch. So now—here he was—carrying her up a never-ending staircase.

On top of that, he was also lugging around a box containing Beard Man, who kept insulting him every few minutes and reminding him just how pathetic he was.

Then there was the elf walking too closely behind Finn—not paying attention to Majestria's plump ass hanging over his shoulders, but instead more focused on Finn's sweaty back. Giggling. And occasionally sniffing him.

In short summary: this was hell for Finn. Quite literally.

Finn stared down at each step, crushed under Majestria's weight. The only thing keeping him from mentally imploding was the softness of her thighs on his shoulders. Desperate to distract himself, he decided to talk to Arsenio.

"So… how long has this tower thing been going on for?" Finn asked, his voice husky.

"Ah, you wish to know how long this tower has been here," Arsenio said proudly.

"That's what I said…" Finn muttered.

"These great towers have stood for centuries—long before you or I were conceived. Before the towers, there were the Seven Great Kings. Each ruled a different kingdom and waged war against the others, taking territory, feeding bloodshed," he said, his voice like a fairy tale being told to children. "Eventually, the beasts beyond the towers began migrating into the kingdoms. Not only did they stir chaos for the soldiers, but they stole food, destroyed homes, and took lives.

"It crushed the morale of the people. The economy fell. And to top it all off, a great evil began creeping into the world. Before long, all hell broke loose—thus began the First World War. That's when the Seven Kings realized the danger looming past what would become the towers, and the greater threat rising in the far East.

"They came together, forging an alliance. With the best of the best mages, they created the towers and sealed them with a magical barrier—to shield the kingdoms from both the beasts beyond and to focus all efforts on defeating the Demon Lord."

Finn was genuinely surprised this world had interesting lore. For once, he was actually invested.

"Yes, and these dunce-waffles can't use their mana properly, so they've been using me for the past hundred years to keep the damn barrier running," Beard Box grumbled, rattling from inside.

Arsenio sighed, took a few more steps, and glanced behind at the trio and the head. "Yes, it is rather unfortunate… but worry not. By the looks of things, I believe we'll be just fine," he said, his voice full of quiet certainty as he looked at them like they were destined for something great.

"Yeah, sure. I want to be gone already, but these idiots still use my head to power this tower."

Finn listened to everything and began to understand why the head was so grumpy.

'Poor dude… he's been alive for a hundred years and can't even rest because people either suck at magic or have no mana…' Finn thought.

"But enough chit-chat," Arsenio said, pointing upward to the top of the staircase, which led into another room. "We're almost there. Just the stairs, the fun room, and then the main chamber."

"The fun what…?" Finn muttered, terrified of what that meant.

Majestria softly smacked Finn's head, then rested her elbow on top of it like a statue of The Thinker—if that statue were a woman sitting smugly atop a suffering man.

"Can you all shut up? I'm tired of waiting and want to see this over with."

"You're sitting on my head, not even moving! You're lucky I didn't drop you back there—or better yet, throw you off!"

Majestria chuckled. "Oh, you're so foolish. You wouldn't dare. You care too much for me. You've gone this far just to ensure my well-being." She then yanked his hair. "So stop talking back and keep moving."

"Who do you think you are?!"

"Your—"

"Okay, okay, let's calm down now," Arsenio cut in quickly, trying to de-escalate things. "We're almost at the top."

"I've heard nonstop bickering between you two ever since you picked up this box!" Beard Man snapped. "You two argue like abusive spouses fighting in front of children. God forbid you have any. Oh wait—piss boy's already infertile, so he can't!"

Finn clutched his junk in defeat. "Y-You take that back! Why'd you have to say that?!"

Majestria smacked Finn's head. "Don't grab your junk while I'm sitting on you, you degenerate!"

"Stop hitting me! I'm emotionally fragile and you wouldn't understand!" 

Arsenio was shocked by the revelation. The elf looked heartbroken—visibly saddened.

"So you can't have kids…" she said softly. "What good is a weapon if there's no ammo?"

Finn looked back at her, confused. 'Why the hell is she saying that like we're trying to start a family…?'

Then her eyes landed on Beard Man in the box. "Do dismembered heads still feel pressure?"

Everyone: "Pressure?"

Beard Man locked eyes with Finn, dead serious. "I'll stop harassing you if you keep me away from her."

"Deal."

And so, Finn took the deal, held the box close, and started marching up the stairs faster—less sluggish, more determined. He made sure to keep the box tilted slightly out of the elf's line of sight, while Majestria, still perched on his shoulders, looked smugly satisfied that he was finally picking up the pace.

"Finally," she said cockily, like she was the reason behind his newfound energy.

The elf scrambled after them. "Don't leave me behind!" she cried, picking up speed.

The three of them completely forgot about Arsenio, who lagged behind and suddenly shouted out.

"Wait! You're not ready for the Fun Room! You don't even know what's inside!" he warned, reaching out a hand as if that would stop them.

But it was too late.

They had already charged up into the room.