Chapter 7 – Cup of coffee’s worth

I jerked as I felt the searing pain of burning sensation into my skin. I noticed I fell asleep with a lit cigarette in my hand. I tried opening my eyes and I could feel my neck strained, maybe because I fell asleep while sitting awkwardly uncomfortable on my chair. I tried to process in my mind what had happened before I fell asleep and grounded myself by looking around. It was already dark. I instinctively reached for my phone that was placed on the desk and checked for the time. My eyes were blinded momentarily as my phone's screen light shines when I had pressed the button on the side and only then that I had come to notice that I had not opened any of the office lights, making my phone's screen the only source of light illuminating inside the office. It was already past nine, and I had not even realized that all the sticks of cigarettes left in the pack were all lit down to its butt.

I wiped my face with my hands, from my forehead down to the bottom of my mouth. I breathed out as I ran my fingers in my hair and gently pulled it to feel pain, just so I could totally wake myself up. I could feel like I was worn out so badly that I'm pacifying myself with every breath I make. I sucked in one big air before I stood up and turned my way toward the entrance door of my office. I slammed open the door wide, and a soft breeze of air slapped on my face which compelled me to close my eyes and feel it gently grazing the skin on my cheeks. The air was so cold that my nostrils felt dry yet was really soothing as I breathed in. I could feel the glands in my mouth shrink that almost tasted bland and salty, but it was also a bit bitter due to the aftertaste of the cigarettes I had smoked.

I stood for a while when I snapped and realized I had gone out. It was not on my mind that I had made my way out of the office, it was like my feet had mind on their own, they had carried me only about a meter away from my doorstep. My mind has been occupied blank for some time now and I have no idea what I was on to. Unexpectedly, I noticed something on my peripheral vision that sent shiver to the ends of my spine— there was a silhouette of a person sitting meters away from my left. I am well aware of this same kind of feeling and I would wish the heavens not to experience it again. I slowly turned my neck to my left to make clear what I had seen. Just when I did, I saw a person wearing a hooded dark green jacket sitting on the ground, head tucked down toward his chest and his hands covering the top of his forehead with both his knees in front in contact with his elbows. He did not put on his hoodie, so I was able to identify who he was. The shivers on my spine were sent back to where it was initially sent from, making me relaxed. Anyhow, I did not rattle but was rather concerned. I recognized the man sitting apparently was one of my clients. He was scheduled to meet me this afternoon, but I had slept the time out.

I walked toward him and stood in front. "Hey, were you here since this afternoon?" He raised his head and just looked at me. I sat beside him. "I'm really sorry." As if it would turn back the time he wasted waiting on me, and making my guilt disappear.

There was silence for a moment. He was still cupping his head with both his hands and was staring directly ahead. I just sat beside him on the ground, grabbing my knees close to my chest and all I could think of was to stay quiet. I slacked off and made my client wait for almost eight hours, all due to my one stupid mistake. Right now, my throat seems blocked and I'm having trouble to voice out my mind, I don't think I can be the helper tonight.

I ran my tongue over the roof of my mouth and tasted the bitterness of my saliva, my mouth had gotten so dried out it felt like a desert at the back of my throat. Nevertheless, I tried swallowing dry then cleared my throat. "It's really getting late, I'm really sorry I did not make it out to our session. My stomach did not cooperate, and I was having really bad constipation." I explained, finally making the words come out of my mouth. Baffled, he looked at me and did not respond. "I should have called and informed you, but I passed out." I added, hoping by any means he'd understand. I should at least make it up to him, I decided to stand up and patted the dust off my bottom and looked at him.

"Come on." I called. "I was on my way to grab something to fill my stomach. You should come with me before you leave for home. I'm sure you're hungry waiting here… and I'm really, really sorry for it." I lied— I was clearly out, going nowhere but my apology was most certainly sincere, and I feel terrible having to see my client waiting out here at this time of the night. He stared at me for a while then stood up. He grabbed his hoodie on his back and wore it onto his head. I smiled at him and proceeded to lead the way. "My treat." He did not respond and just followed me.

I spontaneously decided to go to a café a few blocks away from my office, since it's really getting late and I'm with a client who's mentally distressed, who should have already been home five hours ago. I was checking my pocket while we were on our way, thinking that I had not brought anything with me but thankfully, I had my wallet inside my pocket. It would have been very embarrassing if I had left it and I wouldn't know just what to do anymore. When we got to the café, I ordered a cup of brewed coffee for me and a fruity drink for Alexis, paired with chocolate grazed croffles. I remembered he's having trouble sleeping so I decided that he should have no caffeine.

The café has an aesthetically classic vibe inside where the interior decors are much like imitating the 80's vibes, with the soothing instrumental music playing in the background. It was just right that we came here, we both could make use of it to relax and ease up. Especially me.

After a few moments, our order was served, and we just stayed quiet while minding our own plates. I sliced a part of my croffles and turned my attention to the steaming hot coffee beside it. I had told them that I prefer no sugar in my coffee and asked them that I'd just have two small packets of creamer instead. I grabbed the creamer and held it at the tip before flicking it a couple of times.

"You know, when I was a kid… I was wondering why my father really liked brewed coffee with no sugar—just creamer." I broke open the silence and smiled while opening the packets of creamer and poured it into the coffee. Alexis bound his look down from his fruity drink while slowly sipping on it then to me, he is very timid and was really going slowly picking on his food, and he did not even remove his hoodie because he doesn't like the idea of being surrounded by people or getting stared at. "I said it's just bitter. Why would anyone want to drink it?" I added while still smiling, I put the empty packets on the side and stirred the coffee, meticulously observing the bubbles gradually build up and crowd in the middle. "My father was not diabetic or something, but he really likes to have coffee with just creamer in it and purely no sugar, anytime over anything else." Alexis looked intriguingly at me and waited for me to continue. "But my father never answered my question, he just smiles at me then sips at his coffee… And I grew up with that question in my head, never have been answered." I blew at my hot brewed coffee and carefully placed the tip of the cup between my lips and sipped, I put the coffee down at the table and looked at Alexis and smiled. "I get it now." I let out a brief sigh of solace. "You will only get to truly appreciate things when you have it not for its positive or satisfying quality— but when you have it because you need it, despite it being bad or bitter… And my father needed that cup of coffee most of the time." I lost the smile and stared at the coffee for a while and savored the bitter taste of it in my mouth. As its steam rises up in the air, I breathed deep in through my nose fully absorbing the aroma before I grabbed it again and took another sip.

I was quiet after that lengthy talk I had had, and Alexis did not respond but just listened to me, he finished eating his croffles and drank his fruity drink empty. When I finished my plate and turned to my coffee, I told him that I would call him a cab since it's already past eleven and I needed to make sure he would safely arrive at his home, knowing his current condition—he agreed. We stepped out of the café and waited for the cab to come to pick him up. It came about five minutes. Before he got in on the cab, he turned to look at me.

"Are you okay Paul?"

I just smiled at him, and my heart twitched. I needed that.