chapter 0.46 strange feelings

The room was dark, still, and quiet—yet Rina couldn't sleep.

She lay beneath the silk sheets, golden eyes open, staring at the ceiling as the seconds ticked by. Her heart should've been calm by now, exhausted even. But it wasn't.

She turned her head slightly toward the nightstand. The soft glow of her digital clock pierced the darkness.

**11:03 PM.**

She sighed.

*He came to the kitchen around this time… yesterday.*

The memory was sharp and unshakable. Jin, barefoot in the dark, pale skin gleaming faintly in the soft kitchen light. Shirtless. Silent. Distant. The memory replayed in her mind like a dream she didn't want to end.

She rolled onto her side.

*Why am I still thinking about him…?*

Every time she tried to focus on someone else—on Shin, for example—his name just fluttered through her thoughts like a dry leaf in the wind, drifting in and out without weight.

But Jin…

He *stayed.*

She felt it now—something growing. Warm. Undefined. Like a tiny ember in her chest that refused to die.

*Is he still training...?*

Images came to her mind, unbidden. Jin alone in the training halls, body bruised and bleeding, breath ragged. Pushing himself past exhaustion with that same empty expression. Her heart tightened at the thought.

*Why does it bother me so much?*

She sat up suddenly, breath caught in her throat.

Her legs moved on their own.

She didn't think—she just followed the pull. She stepped barefoot across the polished floor, her soft nightgown fluttering slightly as she opened the door to her room and slipped out into the cold, mana-laced air of the hall.

Her body was warm from her recent bath, her crimson hair cascading over her shoulders in gentle waves. She hadn't bothered with a robe. Only when she passed one of the polished obsidian mirrors in the hall did she realize—*a portion of her breast was peeking subtly from the side of her gown.* The fabric had become tighter around her chest, pulled more than usual.

*Damn it…* she thought, heat rushing to her cheeks. *When did I outgrow my size?*

But she didn't turn back. Something else was louder than modesty now.

She reached the kitchen.

It was quiet. Dimly lit. No Jin.

The lights responded to her presence, gently brightening the space in a warm glow. She stepped forward, her bare feet silent on the stone floor. Her eyes drifted to the small table in the corner—the one where they had shared their first words.

*First meeting with my fiancé...*

That word still felt foreign. Strange. Yet… it was real.

She sat down on the same chair, tucking her knees up slightly, hands folded in her lap. Her heart was beating faster than it should.

Minutes passed. The silence grew.

She tried to think of something else. Anything else.

But it all came back to him.

To *Jin.*

She imagined him now, somewhere far below—bleeding, panting, alone. Her throat tightened.

*Why does he do this to himself...?*

A flicker of worry pulsed inside her. A sickening, aching kind of concern she had no name for.

And then—she realized something.

She was thinking about him more than she ever thought about *anyone.* More than Shin. More than her family. Even her dreams about the academy and her future seemed... quieter.

And just like that—*she blushed.*

Her hands flew to her cheeks.

*What the hell is wrong with me...?*

Her mother's teasing words from that morning floated into her head like a cruel spirit:

> "Make sure to use magical contraceptives on your wedding night, darling."

Rina's eyes widened.

*Why would I remember *that* of all things right now?!*

She shook her head. Desperately tried to clear her thoughts.

But her mind betrayed her.

An image crashed into her—Jin again. That moment he entered the kitchen shirtless. Drops of sweat on his collarbone. The way his hair clung to his forehead. The subtle lines of muscle on his chest and arms.

*His lips.*

Suddenly, she was thinking about his mouth. The shape of it. The color. The way he hadn't smiled—not once.

Her legs squeezed together instinctively.

*What would it feel like… to kiss him?*

The thought scorched her like fire. She imagined it. Just once. Her hands on his face. Leaning in. Catching his breath against hers. Then biting his lower lip. Or sucking it gently.

Her eyes widened in horror.

*Oh my god, stop!*

She buried her face in her hands, cheeks now burning hot enough to melt mana crystals.

*I'm becoming a pervert...*

She groaned softly into her palms.

But the thought didn't leave.

Even as she sat there in the dark, alone, with no sign of Jin… the fantasy lingered.

She didn't want to think that way. But something in her chest had cracked open. Something raw. Curious. Starving.

And worst of all… she didn't want it to stop.