StoryTime! special unsolicited advice

In the chaotic symphony of life, where mismatched socks are the least of one's worries and "f***" is a household staple, sits Felicia—a beacon of sanity and a self-proclaimed "nice not nice mom." She's parked outside Harper Valley High, a daily ritual that involves not only waiting for her wonderfully imperfect offspring, Lily and Gary, but also enduring the silent, perfectly coiffed judgment of the Harper Valley High Horses.

The Judgmental Crowd—A Roast for the Harper Valley High Horses

Felicia, whose perpetually askew ponytail was a quiet nod to the daily wrestling match that was her life, muttered under her breath, "Let's talk about those Harper Valley jackasses." A woman in a perfectly tailored pantsuit gave a disapproving sniff in her direction, confirming Felicia's internal monologue. These were the high-horse riders, the self-appointed arbiters of parenting, who treated the PTA like the Supreme Court of Morality. Felicia, however, figured she'd rather take her chances with Judge Judy and a rabid raccoon. "If you think you can do better," she mused, "skip the PTA and start an ETA—Experienced Teachers Association—because I guarantee someone else could show up and actually teach a thing or two about real life." And trust her, the curriculum wasn't "How to Judge from the Bleachers 101."

Strictly Backwards Moments: Harper Valley Hypocrisy

Felicia observed a mom in a pristine white blouse wagging a finger at her son for daring to touch a puddle. "You might be living Strictly Backwards if your idea of 'parenting advice' is side-eyeing the mom with a screaming toddler while your own kid is eating crayons under the table," she thought.

This was a world apart from her own. Gary, much to her amusement, had recently informed her that "bleeping out 'f***' at home means nothing, Mom. They're saying it on the school bus—creatively." Felicia had nearly snorted her coffee laughing. Meanwhile, the Harper Valley types clutched their pearls at other parents, blissfully unaware their own "little angel" was probably running a black-market slime ring at recess.

"Or," Felicia thought, as a woman with an unnervingly straight posture walked by, "your nose is so high in the air, you need an oxygen mask just to judge the rest of us." She'd witnessed them break people down with words, then innocently inquire, "Why are you crawling?" as if they hadn't just pulled the rug out from under them. They were the self-appointed admissions committee for paradise, but would slam the door on anyone with a scar or a story. And "love thy neighbor"? That usually meant "unless they're wearing yoga pants at pickup."

Felicia had given up on matching socks eons ago. Lily and Gary's laundry was a chaotic, mismatched symphony, a stark contrast to the perfectly organized lives of the Harper Valley elite. She'd heard them roast parents for not packing organic lunches, yet knew damn well their own kids' lunches were probably a bag of Doritos and a prayer. And while they'd never let their kid say "f***," Felicia bet they were the first to drop it when they stepped on a Lego.

"It takes a village," they'd say, but only if they were the mayor, sheriff, and HOA president. They expected God to kick broken people while they were down—because that was "divine justice," right? They judged parents for screen time, yet their phones were glued to their hands like they were surgically attached. They expected the stick they snapped to fix itself, and then blamed the forest for not growing it back.

"They think heaven is for the unbroken," Felicia murmured, watching Lily's vibrant red hair bobbing through the crowd of students now pouring out of the school, "but they're going to be real lonely at that party."

Closing Thought

Lily and Gary finally appeared, Lily clutching a book to her chest and Gary already halfway into a bag of chips. Felicia grinned. "So next time you want to judge a parent—or anyone else—remember: it's easy to point fingers from the bleachers. But it takes guts to get on the field and play." She looked at her kids, messy and loud and wonderfully imperfect. "I promise you wouldn't last a day in my house—and you sure as hell wouldn't do a better job with these kids or with life's messiness. Welcome to my Harper Valley, where we raise kids, not hypocrites, and where love means more than judgment."

A Question for Tiffany Jenkins

P.S. Tiffany Jenkins, I dare you to be honest—do you still take pills, just as long as there's access and it's reasonable, and you don't have to fear anything? Because lack of access, fear of punishment, and fear of judgment are the only reasons people do stupid sh*t. It's not about the drug or needing something for pain. How about, instead of lying, we heal people correctly by saying our actual truth?

Connect with Tiffany Jenkins:

Website: jugglingthejenkins.com

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A*Strictly Backwards Hypocrisy—Bible Thumpers, Blame-Shifters, and Everyday Bitching

Introduction

You might be living an A*Strictly Backwards life if your daily routine involves more complaining than a Yelp review convention, and your favorite hobby is blaming God for everything from the weather to WiFi outages. Welcome to the world of everyday bitching, where the only thing holier than thou is the hole in your logic.

You Might Be Living an A*Strictly Backwards Life If…

…you complain about everything, but never actually do anything to change it.

…your favorite prayer is, "Why me, God?"—right after you ignored every red flag and common-sense warning.

…you use the Bible as a weapon, but haven't read past the table of contents.

…you blame God for your problems, but take credit for every lucky break.

…you're quick to point out everyone else's "sins," but your own skeletons need a walk-in closet.

…you say "homosexuality is a sin" but forget the part about loving your neighbor (and not being a jerk).

…your idea of "spreading the word" is throwing the Bible at your own family—literally.

…you get mad when someone throws the Bible, but you were just about to use it as a guilt trip.

…you think quoting Scripture gives you a free pass to judge, but you skipped the "judge not" section.

…you act like your sin is a parking ticket and everyone else's is a felony.

…you use God as a scapegoat, but never as a guide.

…you ask "Why did God do this?" but never ask "What can I do about it?"

…you think "Bible over!" is a mic drop, but you're still holding the cord.

…you argue about the Bible, but haven't cracked it open since Sunday School.

…you're more worried about your daughter's love life than your own lack of love.

…you throw God's word around, but never let it land in your own heart.

…you believe "no one sin is greater than the other"—except the ones you don't like.

…you use faith as a shield, but never as a mirror.

…you can recite verses about judgment, but not a single one about grace.

…your biggest miracle would be learning to use the Bible for compassion, not condemnation.

Closing Thought

In the world of A*Strictly Backwards, the loudest complainers are usually the ones holding the heaviest stones. Next time someone tries to weaponize the Bible or blame God for their own mess, remember: the real mic drop isn't in the argument—it's in the love, the humility, and the courage to say, "Bible over! Now let's actually live it."

Side Note

This chapter is based on a real interaction I had with my son. One day, he angrily tried to throw the Bible in my daughter's face during a heated argument about her liking women and men. He was spouting the usual "homosexuality is a sin" rhetoric. I grabbed the Bible out of his hand and threw it back at him. He looked shocked and said, "You're going to throw God's word?" I looked him in the eye and said, "You are! So when you learn to use it correctly, you can have it back." Then I added, "No one sin is greater than the other. Bible over! Argue that." It was a moment that flipped the script and reminded us both about the real message behind the words.

You can bleep out the word f*** all you want it doesn't make it not exist so context is key why not teach your children when it's appropriate to say it when it is not and how like have a great f****** day that's a positive way to use it f*** you maybe not so much unless it's your friend and they're aware of your sense of humor that type of thing life-altering versus Life learning! huge difference!

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Once in a small town nestled between green hills and flowing rivers, there lived a family. This family consisted of a mother named Sarah, a father named Tom, a teenage son named Jake, and a daughter named Lily. Sarah and Tom loved their children dearly and tried their best to teach them valuable lessons about love and acceptance.

One Saturday morning, the sun was bright, and the air was warm. The family was gathered in the living room, where the scent of pancakes filled the air. They had plans for a fun day, but they didn't know that a storm was brewing, one that would shake the foundations of their understanding.

Jake, who was sixteen, had recently been going through some changes as a teenager. He was trying to figure out his beliefs and what he thought was right or wrong. He had always held strong beliefs about many things, shaped by what he learned at school and from his friends. Lily, his younger sister, was thirteen and was starting to find her own path as well. She had recently come out as bisexual, which made Jake feel uneasy.

"Why do you care about that? " Jake yelled one morning during breakfast, frustration spilling from his tone. "It's wrong! You like both guys and girls? That doesn't make sense! "

"Why can't you just let me be me? " Lily replied, her eyes flashing with anger and hurt. "I'm still your sister, no matter what I like! "

The argument escalated quickly. Jake felt that he couldn't understand Lily's choices, and Lily felt hurt and misunderstood. Their words echoed through the house, growing louder and louder.

In the midst of the fighting, Jake grabbed a Bible from the shelf that stood proudly against the wall. He waved it in the air like it was a banner of his beliefs. "You want to go against God? This says it all! " he shouted, his face red with anger. "Homosexuality is a sin! "

Lily's heart sank. She knew Jake was hurt, but she couldn't believe he was saying these things. She felt like a part of her was tearing away.

Seeing the storm grow fierce, Sarah walked into the room. She was holding a tray of fresh pancakes, but she put it down and stood tall, deciding it was time to intervene. "Okay, enough! " she exclaimed, her voice strong but calm.

Jake continued to shout, even as Sarah tried to calm the situation. "This is the truth, Mom! The Bible says…"

Before he could finish, in a moment of both anger and protection, Sarah stepped forward and snatched the Bible from his hands, surprising everyone in the room. Without thinking, she threw it back at him.

Jake stood frozen, his mouth agape. "You're going to throw God's word? " he asked, shock written all over his face.

Sarah looked him in the eye, her expression intense. "No, you are! " she declared. "When you learn to use it correctly, you can have it back! "

Jake was stunned. He had never seen his mother act this way before. "But Mom, it's God's word! It's supposed to guide us! " he protested.

"Exactly! " Sarah replied, her voice steady. "And that word is about love, understanding, and kindness. You're not showing any of that right now. No one sin is greater than the other. Bible over! Argue that. "

The room fell silent. Jake looked at his mother, then at Lily, who was hugging her knees, tears in her eyes. For the first time, he felt a pang of doubt about his own beliefs.

"Mom, but. . . " he started to say, but she interrupted him gently.

"Jake," she said softly, "you're my son, and I love you. But if we're going to talk about the Bible, we need to think about what it really means. It's not about throwing something at your sister's face. It's about compassion. "

The words sank deep into Jake's heart. He opened his mouth, ready to defend his beliefs again, but he hesitated. He thought about Lily, the way she laughed, the times they shared, how she always looked up to him.

"M-maybe I was too harsh," he finally admitted, his voice small.

Lily, wiping her tears, looked up at her brother. "I just want to be accepted for who I am. I didn't ask to be different. I'm still me. "

Jake frowned, feeling the weight of his words. "I know. I guess I was just scared because I didn't understand. "

Sarah stepped forward again, placing her hands on both their shoulders. "It's okay to be scared, Jake. We all have things we don't understand. But that's why we talk and listen. We love each other, and that love is what matters most. "

Slowly, the anger melted away like morning fog. The family gathered around the kitchen table, the Bible still resting on the floor. Sarah reached for it and picked it up, placing it back on the shelf while looking at her children. "Let's talk about what love means to us. "

Jake nodded, a hint of a smile breaking his serious expression. "Okay, I want to try to understand," he said.

Lily brightened and grabbed her brother's hand. "I want to share what this means to me. "

In that small living room, surrounded by their home, a new chapter began. They talked about love, acceptance, and the importance of listening. They shared stories, experiences, and thoughts that connected them.

As the sun began to set, filling the room with warm light, they realized that they were more than just a family with differing opinions. They were a family bound by love, learning and growing together—each day a new chance to understand one another better.

From that day on, the Bible became a symbol of their commitment to love, reminding them that the words within should inspire kindness, not anger. And though Jake didn't fully understand everything right away, he knew he had time, time to learn, listen, and love.