Chapter 1

I died at the height of Song Yan's glory, when he reached the pinnacle of power.

After my death, he never took a proper wife again.

Yet people say I was lucky to have received the Duke's deep affection all his life.

But no one knew that I spent eight years alone in an empty room, and even before my death, I didn't get to see him one last time.

Living again, I doused myself with cold water and burned the small portrait I embroidered for him.

Whoever wants to be the Duchess can go right ahead, because I certainly won't!

I was reborn, back to the day before I was chosen by the Duchess of Duke Zhen's Mansion!

Looking at my younger self in the mirror, I felt a bit dazed.

Almond-shaped eyes, arched willow-leaf eyebrows, and skin without a single wrinkle.

My hands were well-maintained, not a trace of chilblains from long years of embroidery in extreme cold.

My vision was clear, not the slightest blur from excessive exhaustion.

At this moment, I was the cherished eldest daughter of the Su Family, cradled in affection.

Not the nominal Duchess waiting alone in an empty room.

"Cui Zhu, bring two buckets of cold water!"

"Miss, why are you tormenting yourself like this? What if you get sick?"

"A chill won't kill me, but it can help me avoid attending the tea ceremony."

"But with Miss's looks and character, you might catch the Duchess's eye, why do you want to avoid the tea ceremony?"

"The Song Family is a high household. Although both Song brothers are concubine-born, the Duke is old, and his legitimate son is young, it's inevitable that Song Yan, as the elder brother, will eventually inherit the title. But no matter how grand the Duke Mansion is, my father is just a fourth-rank official; our families are not a match."

Everyone knows that the Duchess's legitimate son just turned three.

The two half-brothers in the mansion are both adults and from the same concubine, and both are of marriageable age.

This banquet was to find prospects for Song Yan and his brother.

When I initially received the tea ceremony invitation, I was genuinely delighted, thinking we would love each other for a lifetime.

But on the wedding day, we didn't even have time for our wedding chamber because the old Duke was implicated in the Crown Prince's corruption case, and the whole family was exiled to Yanbei.

In the harsh cold of Yanbei, I sold off all my dowry to serve the family, never uttering a word of complaint.

As I wished, Song Yan pledged allegiance to Prince Yue and achieved success, inheriting the title and reaching the pinnacle of power.

Yet, to fulfill his ambitions, he not only didn't enter my room for eight years but was busy with state affairs even when I was killed by kidnappers.

If it weren't for his long-standing indifference, I wouldn't have fallen ill at such a young age.

My death, Song Yan cannot shirk responsibility.

Thinking of the past, my eyes welled with tears as I took out scissors and pulled out the needlework I made from the cupboard.

The small figure on the embroidered handkerchief was a likeness of Song Yan.

My double-sided embroidery was learned from a palace maid.

In the Capital, only two or three people had such skill in embroidery.

A thick stack, cut into shreds in a matter of moments.

I once fantasized about confessing my girlish dreams to him, laying my longing and admiration before him.

But now, I no longer desire it.

I want someone who has me in their heart and eyes, not just one-sided affection.

Soaked in cold water for too long, I couldn't stop my body from trembling.

"Call the doctor; I won't be going to the tea ceremony!"

Song Yan, in this life, may I find my true love, and may you find your intended person.

Today was the day the stepmother arranged for Song Yan to marry Su Luo.

In the past life, Song Yan never truly liked Su Luo.

The daughter of a fourth-rank official was no help to him; if he wanted the title, he had to fight for it.

Moreover, his father was a loyal supporter of the Crown Prince, even during exile in Yanbei, he never gave up supporting the Crown Prince.

To stand out, he could only find another way.

To avoid being mired in a tender relationship, he allied with Prince Yue, built his power, and reformed wrongful policies.

With painstaking efforts, he became a globally renowned Duke.

Yet, when he truly reached the pinnacle of power, he found no one by his side.

After Su Luo's death, he found some women, and even had a big family, but never again did anyone treat him as wholeheartedly as she did.

Only at that moment did he realize that Su Luo was the person who loved him most in this world.

In the past life, he wronged her; in this life, he would never fail her again!

Thinking of something, Song Yan instructed a servant, "Get my white robe out for me!"

Su Luo loved cleanliness and liked seeing him in white.

Since he no longer disliked this marriage in this life, he wanted to leave a good first impression on her.

Changed into fresh attire, as soon as Song Yan arrived at the front hall, the Duchess warmly welcomed him.

"Yan, you're here! Today's tea ceremony is especially held for you. These ladies have both talent and beauty, if you like any, just tell mother, and I'll propose the marriage."

No matter how neglectful in private, the Duchess still played the dignified and gracious matriarch in public.

Song Yan lowered his eyes to hide his expression and withdrew to the side, "Thank you for your efforts, mother!"

"Brother, don't be fooled by her. The ones who came are daughters of fourth or fifth-rank officials, while the few from above third-rank families are friends of the Duchess, just here to fill in the numbers, none of them are noteworthy."

There wasn't a single girl here worthy of being paired with his brother!

Song Han, also a concubine-born, was average in studies, three years younger than Song Yan, and greatly admired his brother.

He knew well that Song Yan's mediocrity in the Duke Mansion was actually hiding his brilliance.

Thus, he was very dissatisfied with the Duchess's perfunctory arrangements.

But Song Yan had no objection to the Duchess's arrangements.

He looked around but didn't spot Su Luo's shadow, he asked, "Did the daughter of the Minister of Public Works' Family come?"

"Ministry of Works? Seems she didn't come!"

"How could she not come? Isn't the legitimate daughter of Minister Su, Su Luo, on the invitation list for this tea ceremony?"

"Su Luo? She was indeed on the invitation list, but it's said she suddenly came down with a cold yesterday, a high fever that wouldn't subside, not suitable to attend."

Realizing something was wrong, Song Yan told Song Han, "Tell mother I accidentally fell and hit my head, the tea ceremony is over."

With that said, Song Yan fell down the steps.

This commotion, coupled with Song Han's anxious cries for help, drew everyone's attention.

The tea ceremony was ended early due to this unexpected interruption.

After mother learned I caught a cold, she came to see me every day.

Upon hearing the tea ceremony ended, she sighed while feeding me medicine.

"I wonder if the Duchess found anyone she favored? Though our family's status is a bit low, our Luo Luo's talent and looks would definitely catch the Duchess's eye if she went there."

"It doesn't matter, mother. Once I'm better, I'll go to Nanzhao Temple and pray, asking Buddha to bless me in finding a suitable husband, surely to make you satisfied."

I nestled in mother's arms, feeling the warmth of being cared for by family.

In the previous life, when I followed Song Yan into exile in Yanbei, mother could not sleep at night, her hair turned white early.

I haven't seen such a youthful mother for many years.

In this life, I'm not in a rush to marry or to find a suitable husband.

I just want to live a good life.

Since I am young, my body recovered quickly, and within a week I was almost fully recovered.

I wanted to go to the temple to light incense and pray.

Firstly, to thank the heavens for giving me this chance to be reborn, secondly, to pray for health and peace for myself and my family.

The incense at Nanzhao Temple isn't the most prosperous, but I come every time.

As I got off the carriage and was about to step into the temple, I almost bumped into someone dressed in white.

"Jiang Yi?" I was surprised to see the young man in front of me.

Jiang Yi and I grew up as childhood sweethearts; our families were old friends and neighbors.

In the last life, Jiang Yi personally sent his father to the chopping block.

The Emperor praised him for his righteousness, while the world scolded him for being heartless.

At that time, my thoughts were the same as the world's.

Upon learning of this matter, I no longer associated with him.

It wasn't until the fifth year after arriving in Yanbei that I learned what he had endured.

Jiang Yi is the sole son of Prince Chun, and although the Prince Chun Mansion has declined, they are still of royal kinship.

His maternal family is the Wu clan, a family of generals, with his uncle being a great general guarding one side.

Yet Prince Chun, for the sake of a concubine, colluded with officials, placing General Wu in danger amidst a military conflict, which led to General Wu's tragic death on the battlefield.

Not only that, he also poisoned his own wife, Jiang Yi's mother.

This matter involved the royal family's secrets, making it impossible for Jiang Yi to speak to anyone, leading to years of misunderstanding and scorn.

In the past, I would avoid Jiang Yi as much as possible, but this time, he surprisingly didn't avoid me. He was clearly a bit surprised.

"Miss Su, my apologies!"

"Yi, have you been well these past years?"

To think about it carefully, Jiang Yi and I haven't spoken for three years.

Jiang Yi spent most of his time in Quanzhou, under the emperor's orders, leading General Wu's soldiers to guard the south.

Every year on his mother's birthday and death anniversary, he would definitely come to Nanzhao Temple to offer incense.

Coincidentally, although he is three years older than me, both our mothers gave birth while offering incense at Nanzhao Temple.

As a result, both our families have incense offerings at Nanzhao Temple.

My mother even became confidants with his mother, sharing everything.

"Does Miss Su have any advice?"

Jiang Yi took two steps back, his tone clearly distant.

For the sake of our childhood friendship from two lifetimes, I took the initiative to speak.

"A few days ago, I fell ill and thought about many things, including you."

"I'm sorry, I was ignorant before. Your father made mistakes, but they were not yours. For the country, for your family, you did nothing wrong."

"Whether you resent or dislike me, as your former friend who didn't stand by your side immediately, I feel very ashamed. I hope you can forgive me."

Jiang Yi seemed not to expect me to say this, and his eyes involuntarily reddened slightly.

"Miss Su, there's no need for this; the world did not err. I am indeed a patricide."

I wanted to comfort him, but he didn't give me the opportunity.

"I must offer incense to my deceased mother, so I'll take my leave first."

Watching the young man rush off, my mother sighed beside me.

"Little Yi has it hard too, with both parents gone, having to face the battlefield alone, unsure of how many times he wandered at the edge of life and death at such a young age. If you can let go of your preconceptions, it would not be in vain for your companionship in childhood."

My heart ached slightly, and I replied with downcast eyes, "Mother is right; it was my past wrongdoings."

In past life, after marrying Song Yan, the socialites in the Capital all avoided me.

Only Jiang Yi, not only sent people secretly every month to deliver silver to me but also, upon hearing of my illness, traveled a thousand miles to bring me medicine.

I was unable to repay his kindness in the past life, but this lifetime, no matter what, I must return it!

Two days after returning from the temple, the annual Huachao Festival arrived.

The Huachao Festival is the most beloved by young men and women and children in Da Feng.

In my childhood, every Huachao Festival, I would go boating with Jiang Yi to admire the flowers freely.

Jiang Yi indulged me, the youth riding and whipping with me, running wantonly through the early spring forests.

He didn't care about the societal constraints on women.

He was willing to accompany me in mischief, to watch me laugh.

But after distancing myself from him, no one accompanied me like that anymore.

Thinking back, it's like my conscience was eaten by a dog, to have turned him away when he came looking for me.

To atone, I personally made some pastries and waited for Jiang Yi outside Prince Chun's Mansion.

I thought he was unwilling to come out, but the servant had only just reported, and he hurriedly came out.

"Why did you come alone? There are occasionally bandits in the Capital today; what if something happens?"

I knew he was concerned about me, so I grabbed his arm and looked at him pitifully, "With you here, I'm not afraid. Yi, I've reserved a spot at Zuixiang Building. Shall we go boating first and then have a meal?"

Jiang Yi's brows gradually relaxed, and his expression softened a lot as he didn't outright reject me.

"Wait for me, I'll go get something."

He turned and went back into the mansion, and after a while, came out again carrying the Bamboo Leaf Green we used to drink together.

Seeing that wine, I smiled.

Always a soft-hearted one, so easy to pacify!

Beside Zuixiang Building, there were boats. As Jiang Yi and I were about to reach the boarding place, two people quickly got ahead of us.

"Miss Su, we meet again!"

Song Yan, dressed in a brocade robe, appeared elegantly standing at the bow of the boat, smiling at me, but my heart skipped a beat.

I thought missing the Duchess's selection of a daughter-in-law meant we wouldn't meet in this lifetime.

I didn't expect to encounter him again so soon!

With memories of two lifetimes overlapping, I didn't know how to respond for a moment.

Jiang Yi noticed my silence, took a step forward, and cautiously asked, "Gentlemen, may I know your family name? Do you know Luoluo?"

Song Yan maintained a proper stance and calmly replied, "We are family of Duke Zhen's Mansion. I am Song Yan, and this is my younger brother, Song Han. Five years ago, our father took us to Gusu City on a journey. At one point, an inn caught fire, and I once saved Miss Su."

He remembers the incident!

But in the last life, as I was dying, I asked if he remembered the little girl he saved in Gusu City?

He said he didn't remember!

Seems he didn't forget but simply never cared to remember me!

"Mr. Song, if you hadn't mentioned it, I almost forgot! Today we are going boating, but I'll have my father visit personally another day to thank you!"

After saying this, I winked at Jiang Yi and was about to walk around Song Yan towards another boat.

I thought, given Song Yan's personality, having said this, he surely wouldn't pursue it further.

But unexpectedly, he, contrary to his past aloofness, blocked my path again and shamelessly insisted, "Miss Su, meeting here today is fate as well. Why not join us?"

Jiang Yi noticed my reluctance and politely declined, "Four people might be a bit crowded for this boat, perhaps it won't hold?"

The boatman next to us quickly shouted at us, "Four people only, my boat can hold up to eight people at most!"

With the boatman saying this, and Song Yan inviting us as a savior, it was hard for me to refuse, so I had to follow helplessly.

The lake was filled with boats, and us three men and one woman caught many eyes.

Seeing this scene, my mood sank a bit more.

Yet someone was insensible.

"Miss Su, your fan is quite special; is it not a double-sided embroidery?"

"Yes."

"Could you also embroider one for me? My mother likes double-sided embroidery very much and had wanted someone to help embroider a handkerchief for me to carry, yet hasn't found the right person."

How strange, in the past life I embroidered so many clothes for him, without a word of praise, but now he praises me on his own!

"Since the Duchess likes it, I dare not delay it, but a while ago, I had a high fever, leaving some aftereffects. The doctor advised against doing embroidery or anything that strains the eyes and tires the mind."

My embroidery skills were indeed excellent.

During those years in Yanbei, to build connections with the local noble ladies, I not only often helped with embroidery in exchange for silver but also embroidered all of Song Yan's clothing.

In the past life, I embroidered for Song Yan my entire life!

This life, I'm not his wife anymore, why should I still try to appease the Duchess?

Song Yan didn't seem to expect my refusal and was stunned for a moment before barely managing a smile, "I didn't know Miss Su was unwell; it was presumptuous of me."

Just as the atmosphere between Song Yan and me turned awkward, inside the pavilion, there was singing and dancing.

The dancers moved gracefully, their songs enchanting, like celestial music.

As I leaned in for a closer look, Jiang Yi suddenly pulled me back.

"Luoluo, be careful!"

When I came back to my senses, the boatman had been struck by a stray arrow from who knows where and fell into the lake.

The sudden appearance of assassins caused our boat to be hit by a neighboring boat and capsized.

As I fell into the lake, I felt bone-chilling cold.

I couldn't swim, nor did I know how to save myself; I could only flail helplessly.

Song Han, also unable to swim, was just as haphazardly waiting for rescue in the water.

Song Yan was close to me; his eyes showed some hesitation, but he quickly made a decision...