Chapter 3: What's Up

"Young Jinta , as I informed you previously in our phone call, this is a minimally invasive, outpatient routine procedure. It will only take us two hours at most, and you can return home that same day." Fortunately for me, the doctors assigned to me were professionals with a deep sense of humanity. From the general practitioner who first saw me, to the oncologist, to the gastroenterologist who now addressed me with a friendly smile, each of them, in their own way, tried to comfort me and relieve me of any worries that might worsen my health.

Lying on the bed in the small laparoscopic operating room, the nurse checked my vital signs and gave me a brief, routine questionnaire to rule out any possible allergies to the medications that were about to be used.

- "As you know, you have portal hypertension due to your hepatocellular carcinoma, so it's very common for many patients to experience what we call esophageal varices. Due to excessive pressure on the upper blood vessels, the walls of your esophagus tend to give way to peripheral resistance, and these veins protrude outward, which can promote esophageal bleeding and, in many cases, be life-threatening.

"What we're going to do next is sedate you with a drug called midazolam. It's a mid-acting medication, so you won't be completely unconscious. However, you may experience memory lapses during and after the procedure, starting eight hours after it's been administered." When I heard that, I couldn't help but feel a little scared at the idea that the drug might affect my memory, but the doctor, noticing that my hands were shaking a little, touched my forehead and asked me to trust her.

After the injection was administered by the nurse, I began to feel my throat relax and it was difficult for me to swallow, causing my anxiety to skyrocket, reflected in an increase in my heart rate on the monitor.

" Jinta -kun, please relax and count with me from ten to zero. Look me straight in the eyes and concentrate on the countdown." Following the doctor's instructions, I began counting, my pronunciation slurred by my numb tongue. After a couple of seconds, I felt my mind go cloudy, and I lost track of time.

Jinta -kun did very well . Please stay lying down for at least fifteen minutes, and a nurse will be with you to the reception desk shortly." Disoriented and dazed, I was lying face up, staring at the ceiling of the operating room, my vision very sensitive to the light from the incandescent lamp.

When I looked at the clock, it was 9 a.m., and the two hours the doctor had previously told me had passed. My throat felt tickly, and my mouth felt dry. When I asked the nurse for some water, she scolded me and told me I couldn't eat or drink anything until at least eight hours had passed so the ligatures would be firm. The most she could manage was a small, moistened cotton swab to moisten my lips to ease my anxiety.

"Welcome back, champ. How was the operation?" Waiting for me at the reception desk, my uncle held the bag containing the medication the doctor had prescribed and the appointment card. His face looked tired, his gaze barely able to hide the worry inside him. Having been used to seeing him so jovial, the aura he gave off saddened me greatly.

- "Everything went well, man. There's nothing that can stop me, even off the racetrack." Flexing my arm, showing off my biceps and smiling at my uncle, I sought to comfort him by projecting an air of confidence that I couldn't quite feel inside myself.

- "That's true, my little Jinta . I'm sure you're just as strong as your father. Come on, let's go home already." Stroking my hair tightly, Uncle Makoto extended his arm around my shoulders and we began walking towards the automatic door at the main entrance.

Traveling in the car on the highway, I rested my head against the glass of the door and gazed out at the horizon where the buildings rose imposingly above the bustling city.

At times, I was forced to close my eyes due to the dizziness caused by the sight of the cars moving beside us, and more than once I felt like vomiting due to the side effects of the anesthesia.

- " Jinta , if you feel a little sick we can stop at a gas station."

"No, man. It's just a little dizzy, but it's bearable. Besides, we have to get to the bakery quickly to prepare the orphanage donations."

- "True, true. Today is the fifth day of the beginning of the month, I bet the children will be quite excited about the festival." – The orphanage director held a small festival open to the public at the beginning of every month, where children could participate by showing off their talents and games in front of adults in the hope of getting a family to adopt them.

For them, these dates were a source of joy, and they put their best effort into their performances to win the audience's affection. So, for me, it was motivating enough to never miss a single festival to go and help them.

- "By the way, Jinta , how are things going with Hana-chan?"

- "Everything's fine, uncle. Why do you ask?" – A brief pause hung in the air as the uncle tightened his grip on the steering wheel of the car.

- "It's not that I want to interfere in your affairs, son, but as an old man who has lived longer than you, I would like to give you some advice." – My uncle's tone of voice became a little harsher with those words, however, I didn't notice any malice in his words but rather a concern that troubled him.

- "When you start working, it's a given that our time dwindles, and little by little, our days become routine. We get tired, we even kill ourselves at work at times, and we come home with only the thought of falling into bed and laying our heads on the pillow. But when we have someone in our lives, be it a partner or a child, we find ways to make time to spend with them. You're never too busy to let go of those you work so hard for." – My uncle's gaze remained fixed on the road, but when I saw him out of the corner of my eye, I could see, through the reflection of the light passing through the windshield, how his pupils were moistening as he held back the urge to cry.

- "Have you told Hana what the doctor told you?"

"No, not yet, uncle. I haven't had the courage to tell her." Clenching my fists against my legs, I looked down, feeling like a coward who couldn't open his heart to the woman he loved. As hard as this was, I had to tell her because she was someone important to me.

- "Hana-chan seems like a nice girl, but her head seems to be full of flowers. How can I say this without sounding rude, but I don't think she thinks of you as highly as you do."

- "Come on, man, she's very busy with her work. You know she wants to be a professional photographer."

- "Open your eyes, Jinta ! Tell me, what kind of job can take up almost 24 hours a day, so that you don't have a single hour to see your boyfriend? It's already vacation time, for God's sake! A part-time job that works around your class schedule shouldn't interfere with your free time during vacation. Even your school doesn't allow students to have full-time jobs." Firmly pounding the steering wheel with the palms of his hands, Uncle Makoto showed his suppressed anger for a moment.

-" Ufff , sorry son. I got upset, I'm so sorry; I'm supposed to be an adult, I'm supposed to be an example of patience for you. But seriously, I can't believe that a girl who claims to be in love could behave so distantly towards her boyfriend." After that outburst, I remained silent, unable to answer my uncle. Despite such harsh words, I knew he had a point. After leaving for vacation, Hana's schedule shouldn't be altered, no matter how flexible the agency was in that regard, it couldn't go against our school's policy regarding part-time jobs.

Was Hana focused on her own, working on her photography technique? Was the agency job really so demanding that she had almost no free time? Doubts piled up in my head, giving me a headache.

- "If you ask me Jinta , I feel that Mariko makes a better match with you than Hana."

- " Dude ! Why do you say that?"

- "Oh come on, that girl really loves you, champ. Haven't you seen how her eyes light up when she sees you? Besides, you can say you're just friends, but that girl has been paying more attention to you."

- "Stop with your jokes, man. Mariko is just a good friend. Besides, she's my girlfriend's sister. I'm dating Hana, I could never do anything to hurt either of them." – I couldn't help but raise my voice to my uncle due to my anger. The nausea and headache were pushing me to the limit, and hearing those statements brought out the worst in me at that moment. By the time I was able to reconsider my lack of respect, Uncle Makoto let out a heavy sigh and continued driving without us speaking to each other again until we were at the bakery.

- " Jinta -kun, Mr. Tanaka." – Standing at the entrance of the bakery, Mariko was wearing jeans, a t-shirt with a smiling cat head print, and a bag that she could barely carry because it looked so heavy.

- "Ha, do you see? That girl is definitely madly in love with you, just look at her. As soon as she saw it was our car, she went from being as stiff as a log to acting like a puppy who realizes its owner has come home."

- "Dude, if you wrote that on the internet, you'd have an army of cybernauts trying to lynch you."

"Well, young people these days get angry over the slightest thing. They can't tell the difference between something said maliciously and something said lovingly." When we stopped the car, Mariko dropped her bag on the ground and hurried to my door to help me out.

- " Jinta -kun, how are you feeling?" – Taking my arm and putting it around her shoulders, Mariko supported my weight, noticing that I was still dizzy from the procedure. With small, slow steps, she helped me to the entrance of the bakery and held me until my uncle opened the door to sit me at one of the tables we had set up for customers to enjoy bread with a sip of coffee.

"Are you feeling a little better?" Her face very close to mine, Mariko placed her hand on my forehead to check my temperature and held my wrist to measure my pulse.

- "It's amazing. When did you become a nurse?"

- "Don't make fun of me, Jinta . I've been reading a bit on the internet about caring for patients in your same situation. That day you fainted on the dance floor, I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest, and all I could do was watch as they carried you away on the stretcher. I don't want to be a complete idiot who can't do anything for you." Mariko 's facial expression was very serious, far from the candid look she usually gave me. In her eyes, I could see a maturity that completely surprised me, leaving me speechless.

It was then that the words my uncle told me on the way home echoed in my mind as my eyes were lost in the gaze of Mariko , who was completely focused on me.

- " Mariko , there's something I'd like to discuss with you if you have time."

- "Yes, what is it about Jinta -kun?"

- "I would prefer if we talked about it after our visit to the orphanage, only if you wish." – Nodding her head, Mariko looked me in the eyes and with a serene expression on her face, she touched my hair and shook it a little.

- "Hey, cheer up. If the kids see you with that expression, they'll think you're mad at them." Giving me a gentle smile, Mariko went to the back of the bakery to help my uncle put the chicken curry buns into the boxes we would take to the kids.

When we arrived at the orphanage, the group of volunteers from the neighborhood committee had already set up the festival decorations and arranged the chairs in front of the stage where the children would perform.

Sitting at a table at the main entrance, the director had a blank register where she would record the people who entered the facility and stamp their hands as if it were an amusement park.

- "Mr. Tanaka, it's a pleasure to have you with us again, as always. The children are always so happy when they eat your delicious curry bread."

- "Hey, hey, hey. Thanks for the compliment, Ms. Matsuda . I'm also glad the little ones love my seasoning. It's so rare that kids like such a simple snack when there are so many more flavorful options."

- "Don't say that, I've also tried your breads and I've become addicted to your cooking" – While the director and the uncle continued flirting surreptitiously, I asked Mariko to accompany me to where the children were gathered rehearsing for their numbers at the festival.

- " Jinta -kun, don't push yourself too hard. We can make two trips to bring the boxes. You must try to rest as the doctor told you."

- "Calm down, Mariko -chan, I feel perfectly fine. If I felt sick, you'd be the first person I'd tell." Looking at my friend's face, I could see the peony earrings I had given her just a few days ago in her ears. Those small crimson ornaments contrasted with her white skin, covered at times by the fluttering of her hair in the wind.

- "They really look beautiful on you" – Completely lost in my thoughts, I said that phrase out loud causing Mariko to stumble a little and fall to her knees on the floor, preventing the bread from rolling on the floor.

- "Brother Jinta , Sister Mariko , are you all right? Is Sister Mariko hurt badly ?" – The children who saw us arrive ran up to us trying to help Mariko , who showed a slight hint of pain on her face as she tried to sit up.

"Don't worry, kids, I'm fine. I just scraped my knees a little, that's all." Trying to calm the children's anxiety, Mariko tried hard to hide the burning pain she felt in her wounds as we handed out the loaves one by one until the boxes were empty.

can stop pretending that it doesn't hurt, Mariko -chan." Helping her sit down in a planter, Mariko began to shed tears while whimpering like a little girl who has fallen on the playground equipment.

- " Jinta -kun, can you pass me my bag? Along with the puppets, I brought a small first aid kit that I prepared in case one of the children got hurt during the performance. It's pathetic , that was supposed to be the idea, but now I'm the one who's going to use the damn kit." – With a bitter smile, Mariko 's expression had changed to a more somber one, starting to worry me for her.

- " Mariko -chan, is something wrong?"

- "No, Jinta -kun. It's just because I just fell in front of the kids, it's nothing more."

- " Are you sure ?" – Bending down a little until my head was level with hers, I looked into Mariko 's eyes hoping she would be honest with me because of the trust we had in each other as good friends.

"Yesterday I had an argument with Hana. I asked her if she would come to the adoption festival today like she promised a week ago. She had told me she would, and she said she had written it down in her diary. But this morning, as she was about to leave for work, I reminded her about the festival, and she got furious with me. I only mentioned it casually, but she took it as if I was scolding her. She yelled at me that if she had time between sessions, she would come, that unlike some fat girl with nothing to do, she was working hard for her dreams."

Listening patiently to everything Mariko told me , I let her unburden her heart, allowing her to ease the burden while the tears continued to flow from her eyes and roll down her cheeks.

Once again, my uncle's words echoed louder in my chest, making me wonder if the Hana I had fallen in love with two years ago was still the same innocent girl who accepted my confession on that Christmas Eve of our freshman year of high school.

- "I think I'll have to talk to Hana the next time I see her."

- "Don't do it, Jinta -kun! This is just a simple sister fight. I don't want your relationship with Hana to be affected because of me."

- " Mariko , you're important to me too. Even though Hana is my girlfriend, I can't turn a blind eye to her behavior toward you." – Placing my hands on Mariko 's shoulders , I brought my face closer to touch our foreheads while whispering to her that everything would be okay.

- "Little Brother Jinta, is that you?" – A light tap with a cane on my heel made me turn around to see the source of the small voice behind me.

Natsuko was a little mixed-race girl, barely five years old, with shoulder-length blond hair. Her father was an Australian immigrant who became involved with a prostitute in the red-light district of Kabukicho . The woman, who trusted the man's words, became pregnant with the promise that they would start a family and that he would get her off the streets. But far from keeping his word, the man finished his work and returned to his country, abandoning her.

Unable to bear the betrayal, the prostitute drank herself to death every night while carrying Natsuko , giving birth prematurely and dying in the hospital operating room. Due to her excesses and poor nutrition, the baby's fetal development was so precarious that she spent more than three months in the incubator, fighting for her life and an eye infection caused by an STD.

Natsuko 's fighting spirit allowed her to cling to this world against all medical odds. However, the syphilis infection her mother gave her had damaged the little girl's corneas to the point where her vision was almost nonexistent.

Natsuko 's adoption process always faced many obstacles. On the one hand, her mixed-race status was sometimes frowned upon by some candidates , and on the other, her blindness was a major deterrent to those who ignored her ethnic origin.

- "Yes Natsuko , I am your brother Jinta and I am with your sister Mariko " – Lifting the little girl by the waist, I spun her around making her laugh in her innocence while she asked me to do it faster.

- " Jinta -kun, be careful. You just went to the hospital today and you're still a little weak."

- "I'm sorry , Mariko . You're right. Forgive me, Natsuko , but I can't do much wandering today ."

- "Little Brother Jinta , are you sick? If you want, I can tell the teacher to cast a spell on you like she does on me when my tummy hurts." Laughing discreetly, I hugged Natsuko , stroking her head and thanking her for worrying about me, while I sat her on Mariko 's lap , who brought one of the puppets closer to her so she could feel the texture of the fabric with her fingers.

- "How sweet those three look. If they were a little older, anyone would think they were loving parents with their daughter." – Silently, the orphanage director approached us, surprising us at that moment, making Mariko 's face blush to the point that her voice became shrill as she tried to justify herself.

- "Calm down, little Mariko , I was just making a little innocent joke. I know you two are good friends and you care about each other very much. Don't take this older woman's words the wrong way." Taking Natsuko in her arms, the director said goodbye to us, as it was time for the children's introductions to begin.

As usual, the children gave their all in their singing, reciting poetry and performing the pieces their teachers had helped them rehearse.

Natsuko 's group time came around , the little girl and her classmates put on a show with the puppets Mariko had handmade during her craft club class. It was all laughter and joy, with the audience applauding the children's performances and, in return, the children offered their brightest smiles.

The clock on my phone read past 6 p.m., and the text I sent to Hana hadn't received a single response. Added to the conversation I'd had with Mariko , a heavy heart filled my chest as I realized my uncle's words were a harsh response to reality.

At the end of the festival, attendees filled out application forms to adopt some of the children. However, as was customary when they arrived at poor Natsuko's , people thought twice and decided on another child.

Anyone would think that being blind was a blessing for little Natsuko , since she couldn't see the expressions on the faces of the adults who were evaluating her from head to toe. But her keen hearing allowed her to recognize what was being said between whispers, and that saddened her greatly.

- "Little Brother Jinta , why do adults say I'm defective?" – Pulling at the hem of my shirt, the expression on Natsuko 's face could barely hide the pout she was making as she brought her thumb to her mouth. That scene broke my heart, how people could be so cruel with their words without caring about the feelings of a defenseless little creature who hadn't asked to be born that way.

- "You know, Natsuko , they're missing out. They don't know how wonderful you are because they haven't even had the chance to meet you. But you know, when I turn 20, I'm going to ask the director of the orphanage to help me with the paperwork to adopt you."

Natsuko 's face lit up with the weight of those words, smiling as if she had received a gift of immense value.

- " Jinta -kun!" – Surprised by my statement, Mariko took me by the arm with a serious expression in her eyes as if asking me if I was serious.

- "So little brother Jinta is going to be my daddy and little sister Mariko is going to be my mommy."

- " Natsuko !" – Completely knocked out by the girl's words, Mariko brought her hands to her face, struggling to hide the great shame she felt at the statement of a girl of barely 5 years old.

- "Little Brother Jinta , put me down. I'm going to tell the principal the good news." Smiling from ear to ear, Natsuko grabbed her cane and walked as fast as she could until she was completely out of sight.

- " Jinta -kun. I know your intentions are good, but…"

- "I know, Mariko . I'm aware of my illness and what the doctor said. However, I refuse to give up fighting. There are many things worth living for, and I'm going to hold on with all my strength until I can fulfill the promise I made to that little girl." – As soon as I finished saying those words, Mariko hugged me with all her strength, as if she wanted to take the air out of me.

- " Mariko -chan!"

- " Shhh , stay quiet, you silly Jinta . Don't say a single word that might ruin this moment. Ever since you entered the hospital, I was afraid you were giving up, I was so afraid that you might leave me. But after hearing you speak with such certainty, my heart won't stop beating wildly." – Suddenly I felt my shirt soaked with Mariko 's tears , remaining silent for a few moments while I tried to process the emotions that strangely sprang from my mind.

She's my girlfriend's sister, my best friend, and closest confidant; I shouldn't have felt anything beyond simple sisterly affection, but my mind was in turmoil.

- " Mariko , what are you doing hugging my boyfriend?" – With an angry tone of voice, Hana was standing right in front of us, looking at us with disdain. She clutched her cell phone tightly as she took quick steps until she reached Mariko , pulling her into a hug.

- "Hana, let me explain."

- "There's nothing to explain, Jinta . You're my boyfriend, not Mariko 's . We may be close friends, and she may be my sister, but I won't tolerate this sly girl trying to make me look foolish. They say the fruit never falls far from the tree…"

- "Hana, please listen to me!" – I had never raised my voice to my girlfriend; we rarely argued, and our relationship remained calm despite the slight differences we had. But at that moment, I couldn't contain myself. Something inside me broke the instant Hana's attack intensified against Mariko , who was trembling in a sea of tears, unable to respond to the insults.

"Hana, do I look like the kind of trash who would mess with his girlfriend's sister? Do you really think your sister would be capable of acting so vulgar?" Staring into my girlfriend's eyes, I couldn't hide my displeasure with Hana. She took a few steps back, ducking her head slightly.

- " Jinta -kun"

- "Hana, I love you. There's no doubt in my heart when I say these words to you, however, I think you've crossed a line with the way you treat Mariko . It's true that you aren't blood sisters, but you share a bond. You yourself asked me to go help Mariko when she was being bullied. Where is the girl I met in front of the entrance results boards?" – My breathing was labored, knowing I couldn't get excited due to my condition. At times, I felt my blood pressure numb in my head, accompanied by a cold sensation on the palms of my hands.

- " Jinta , I think we should take a break. You tell me I've changed, but what about you?" Turning her face away, Hana turned around and walked over to where a car was waiting for her. Without even looking back, she opened the car door and drove off without another word.

- " Jinta -kun, I'm so sorry. It's my fault, you and Hana." Falling to her knees on the ground when her legs lost strength, Mariko cried inconsolably, begging for forgiveness.

- "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

- "It's not your fault , Mariko . Things between Hana and I were already at their limit. Maybe it's a good idea to give ourselves the time she asked for. I can love her, but if there's no trust between us, no matter how much love I have for her, nothing will work out." – Helping Mariko up from the floor, I wiped her tears with a handkerchief and we walked slowly to where my uncle was.

- " Mariko -chan! Why are your eyes so red? Jinta , what happened?" – Telling my uncle what happened with Hana a few minutes ago, the old man put his hand to the back of his neck and scratched his hair while clicking his tongue.

- "I'm really sorry, champ. If I hadn't been saying those things to you in the car, you probably wouldn't have had that temper and wouldn't have said those words."

- "No, uncle. It's not your fault. This is just something that happened between Hana and me. We didn't know how to handle things. Like I was saying to Mariko , maybe this time will help us reflect on our relationship and we can improve as a couple. I believe in our love, and I know we can move forward." Putting his hand on my shoulder, Uncle Makoto sighed slowly and led Mariko and me to the car.

That would be a starry night with just a few clouds, the moon shining as always in the sky. But inside, the night was so dark that my feelings stumbled, wandering blindly.