Chapter 10: Bring Me To Life – Hana's Monologue (Part 1)

"Come on, move your hips faster," a man's gruff voice yells at me furiously, while my body obeys his commands as if possessed. My eyes are blindfolded and my hands tied behind my back. I'm completely at his mercy, unable to tell my own body to stop. I move with wild momentum, without him laying a single hand on me.

After long months of being subjected to Ren-san's whims, my body no longer belonged to me, although my mind still refused to abandon Jinta-kun. Lying to myself that this was just something I was doing for work and the scholarship, I clung to the hope that as soon as I finished my degree and paid off the agency loan, I would be free of that indecorous behavior and could begin my life with my boyfriend as a happily married couple.

Even though I overheard it so many times while my parents were talking, I never really believed what they said was true: "Unfaithful people are attracted by the thrill of the forbidden, because they have a safe place to return to."

Maybe that's why my body gave itself over completely in those intimate moments at Ren-san's apartment or even at the motels he used to take me to. Who would have thought it? I thought I'd never do it again after that fateful night, but I finally gave in to the pressure within the agency.

After that incident, I arrived at my parents' house early, quietly opening the door in the hope that no one would see me. Fortunately, that day my mother had been taking care of my grandmother in the hospital, and my stepfather was on a business trip. Mariko was the only one in the house. She was unaware of my arrival and was sleeping like a log, even though I was standing right next to her bed.

Seeing her sleeping so peacefully, a sudden burst of rage invaded my mind, which was still sensitive to my infidelity with Ren-san. Taking one of the pillows from the bed, I placed it over her peaceful face, slowly pressing the soft cushion against her nose.

After a few seconds, Mariko slowly began to react, then frantically thrashed her arms as her screams were muffled by the pillow filling. Her body writhed, and she kicked, trying to stand, but the weight of her body and the suffocation prevented her from doing so.

It wasn't until I saw the tips of his fingers start to turn blue that I was able to snap out of it, and I threw the pillow on the floor in a panic. His breathing was too slow, his eyes looked lost, and he was sighing heavily.

- "Damn pig, don't you dare die," I muttered under my breath while biting my nails out of nerves at the possibility of my parents finding out what I had done to my stepsister.

From the moment we met, I never liked her, as cloying as a damn brat begging for affection. I felt uncomfortable around her, who, despite having been scorned by her biological father, never became as mean-spirited as I was.

After a few minutes, Mariko regained consciousness and jumped out of bed, clutching her chest. Completely disoriented, she looked around the room trying to understand where she was.

"Mariko-chan, are you okay?" Putting on my self-sacrificing sister mask, I took my stepsister by the shoulders and hugged her, feigning tears. I told her I was about to leave for work and went to find her in her room to come down for breakfast, but I found her in her bed, not breathing.

The poor, naive girl cried buckets of tears when she finished listening to me and thanked me for coming to help her. Poor, stupid little pig! If she knew I was the one who almost killed her, what face would she make?

When that thought crossed my mind, I felt a chill run down my spine and shake every fiber of my being. Even though I didn't like her, the mere thought of hurting her had never crossed my mind, much less the thought of murdering her.

Afraid of myself, I left the room with my hands shaking and went to the bathroom to take a shower and calm myself. I could barely feel the warm water falling on my numb body; the coldness of my being and the guilty conscience made me scrub the sponge hard on my skin, trying to erase the stain that felt like it wouldn't come off.

Sitting on the shower floor, I brought my hands to my face and wept silently, letting the water uselessly wash away my sins. After what had happened, every time I ran into Jinta-kun, he made me feel guilty. So, I tried to minimize my time with him, using work as an excuse; I foolishly believed it would help resolve the conflict within me. How naive I must have thought.

As Ren-san had promised, I was assigned to the collaboration project with the emerging idol group sponsored by the agency. However, instead of being the head manager, I was relegated to an assistant position assigned to a veteran recommended by Mr. Matoba.

When I tried to question him about it, the friendly man who had previously helped me during our first meeting transformed into a vicious man who started yelling at me while throwing a printout of my work portfolio at me.

- "Do you think I'd let a novice take on such an important project without supervision? Do you know how many millions we've invested in this plan, why leave it in inexperienced hands without supervision? Huh?" As I ducked my face, unable to move, the man was hitting me on the head with some rolled-up documents as if I were a dog.

Biting my lips in helplessness, I could only nod mechanically, trying to hold back my tears.

Shortly after that disagreement, my assigned supervisor began treating me in a contemptuous manner, looking for any error in my work to reprimand me for without being able to refute him, because I was under Mr. Matoba's wing.

As the days went by, I felt increasingly miserable and couldn't sleep well at night. Just thinking about having to get up to go to school and then work caused me severe anxiety.

Little by little, the idealized bubble of the adult woman I thought I was living in completely burst when I heard some colleagues complaining in the bathroom about the demanding treatment they were subjected to by their superiors. Some cried as they recounted how their bosses had tried to overreach them more than once, and when they failed, they overloaded their workloads to the point of having to work overtime, even on weekends.

- "Sniff, sniff, if it weren't for that damn credit hidden in the contract, I swear I would have given up on this place already!" – That ominous statement shook me completely, causing me to sit down quickly on the toilet as my legs lost strength.

"Hidden credit?" That doubt took me completely by surprise, and I waited for the girls to come out of the bathroom. While I reviewed the copy of my contract on my phone, I looked for any clue about that mysterious credit. When I zoomed in on the small print on the last page, my blood ran cold.

In the event of resignation before completing 10 years of service with the company, the employee was subject to severance pay in the amount of 1 million yen for each year not served, subject to a credit clause with a monthly rate of 5% of the annual capital.

The agency, to the public eye, was a company with a good reputation and highly competitive salaries compared to its peers. In addition to the talent they usually attracted through meetings like the ones I had attended, the job market was always saturated, giving the impression that it was a cash cow.

However, after experiencing the company's atmosphere firsthand, my expectations were dashed. The contract clauses included an absolute confidentiality agreement, with a penalty of 6 million yen for breach. Therefore, employees remained completely secretive about their treatment within the agency to avoid being fired and also face having to repay the loan.

In my desperation, the thought of telling Jinta-kun about it crossed my mind. I felt that if I confided in him about my problems, he could help me find a solution. But the feeling of guilt tied my hands.

Unable to process the situation I found myself in, I staggered out of the bathroom, barely holding on to the wall. My head was spinning, and the anxiety was making me nauseous at times.

"Hey, are you okay? Do you look pretty pale?" Bumping into a firm chest and the scent of a manly cologne, I held tightly to the body of the man who spoke to me in a calm voice. When I looked up, it was none other than Ren-san, who had arrived at the office for a business meeting with some brand sponsors interested in booking advertising space.

- "I can't anymore. I don't know what to do, please… help me." My body trembled in Ren-san's arms, unable to control myself to the point that he had to carry me to one of the rest rooms and sit me on a sofa, giving me a drink from the vending machine.

- "Look, Hana-chan. I'm sorry for how I behaved towards you the last time we had that little accident. I know I acted like a jerk, and I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly, and I said a lot of hurtful things to you. If you don't feel comfortable because of it, you can resign without any commitment."

- "No, I shouldn't give up."

- "If it's about the scholarship, you have my word that I'll do everything possible to ensure that the agency covers it in full."

- "No, I can't! I have to stay at least 10 years or I'll have to cover an impossible loan."

"Credit? What the hell are you talking about?" Seeing Ren-san's disbelief, I pulled out my phone and showed him the page of the contract I'd signed with Mr. Matoba. I also told him how he'd treated me at his office and how my supervisor had made my life miserable on the project.

- "Damn stupid fox! That old man is getting more and more senile as the years go by. Don't worry, Hana-chan; come with me to his office, we'll fix this." – Firmly taking my hand, the sensation of that sturdy hand gave me confidence, but at the same time, I felt a deep conflict in my chest remembering the incident at the hotel.

- "Hey, Matoba! Are you already too old to have such a death wish? Huh?" – Slamming open the office door, Ren-san walked firmly in and stood in front of Mr. Matoba's desk, slamming his palms on the surface of the furniture.

- "Young master! What do you mean?"

- "Want to play smart with me, Matoba? Why did you give Miss Hana an employee reinstatement contract to sign?"

- "This must be a human resources error, young master! I wasn't aware that was the contract Hana-chan signed."

- "Hana-chan? Oh, you sound so friendly when you talk about her. That means you're on good terms, right?" Mr. Matoba's face was pale, bathed in sweat, and his shoulders trembled slightly, as if he were afraid. The man who had been intimidating to me had so easily yielded to a young man barely a year older than me. The masculine energy he conveyed began to captivate me when I saw him defending himself.

- "Of course, young master! We've had a good relationship these days."

- "Matoba, do I look like an idiot in your eyes? Do you think I'm your mockery? I clearly said at lunch with the rest of the executives that Miss Hana would be in charge of the idol project. So why do I have to find out that she's barely an assistant and the idiot you put in her position treats her worse than an idiot?" – With a low but stern tone of voice, Ren-san brought her face close to Mr. Matoba's, who kept stuttering and giving excuses that little by little were exhausting the patience of the boy in front of me.

"You know, Matoba. I heard your brother just got married and that you kindly offered to give him a home in a very exclusive part of town. It must have been a huge loan, but of course, your dear brother and his new wife were worth it. There's nothing more important than family."

"So it would be a shame if you had to leave our agency and not have the money to pay the mortgage. Can you imagine your brother and his wife having to leave that house? In fact, I heard they have a young daughter. Don't you think it would be terrible? Right, Matoba?" His eyes reddened, almost on the verge of tears, Matoba's composure crumbled with every word Ren-san spoke. Ren-san maintained a stern attitude toward him, not giving him the slightest chance to refuse.

"Young master, I will immediately appoint Miss Hana as the leader. Please forgive me." Rising from his chair to prostrate himself face first on the floor, Matoba stood at Ren-san's feet, who gave me a sidelong glance as if to say everything was settled.

As soon as we left the office, Ren took me to the human resources department and asked for a copy of my contract, tearing it up in front of the department head and ordering him to give me another contract without the restrictions used for returning employees.

- "Okay, everything's ready. Are you calmer now, Hana-chan?"

- "Yes, thank you very much! I don't know how I can repay you for helping me."

- "Hey, think of this as my sincere apology for what happened between us. There's nothing more to talk about." As he was about to leave, I impulsively grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

"No, I insist. I wouldn't feel right accepting your kindness like that. It's like you said, it was just a mistake because we had a few too many drinks. It wasn't your fault, nor mine." Setting aside my morals, I felt absorbed by Ren-san's personality. His imposing attitude, which demanded respect even from his oldest subordinates despite his youth, and the way he had stood up for me, made my heart flutter, and I decided to have a secret relationship with him.

As the months passed, the project I was assigned to began to gain a good following, and with it, my workload increased; but unlike being exploited like the rest of the agency's employees, I had a special place within it.

Mr. Matoba could no longer channel his anger at me. Instead, he would frequently see his secretary summoned to his office. Sometimes for several minutes, she would emerge with her blouse disheveled and a grim expression on her face.

When we used to lock eyes at those moments, the woman I'd once considered imposing seemed so small in my eyes that I couldn't hide my unhealthy satisfaction. I was the woman closest to the son of the agency owner; that was the vast difference between our class.

I even managed to hold back my laughter when she occasionally bumped into a plain-looking man with glasses. She would just stare at him as he walked away without so much as a word.

- "Hey, Hana-chan. If you're not too busy, do you want to join me for lunch?" – After giving her my personal number, I kept texting with Ren-san and we arranged to meet outside the agency to meet at a restaurant in a five-star hotel.

I liked his sophisticated and gallant manner; it was very different from Jinta-kun's innocent behavior; just comparing him to him made me feel like I was languishing at times.

Little by little, I spent less time with Jinta-kun and more time with my lover, to the point where it was hard to tell who was who. The thrill of the forbidden and the confidence of having a place to return to made me lose myself in that intoxicating sense of danger, turning me on in the intimate moments I had with Ren-san.

Who gradually increased his tastes during sex, leading me through a frenzy of new experiences to the point of turning me into a complete addict to his touch.

- "Hana-chan, what are you looking at on your phone?" – Lying next to me on the bed, Ren-san's well-built body made me want to continue having sex, but my guilty thoughts stopped me when I saw Jinta-kun's message about the orphanage festival.

- "It's my boyfriend, asking me if I'm going to attend the festival they're holding at the local orphanage. I usually go with him from time to time and play with the kids there."

"Mmm, that sounds interesting. Do you want a ride?" Ren-san's expression was a mixture of curiosity and anger, making my heart flutter for a brief moment. But then, he hugged me and kissed me deeply while stroking my hair.

- "Come on, we can buy some gifts for the children at the orphanage. It's always good to be charitable, don't you think? What do you say, Hana-chan?" With a slightly pretentious smile, Ren-san looked me in the eyes as if I could only answer yes.

Heading to the mall, we browsed the toy areas and children's book shelves, choosing the best gifts so that, according to Ren-san, my image would stand out.

- "Ren-san, isn't this a little expensive?"

"Don't worry, Hana-chan. This is just a little pocket money for me. Besides, I want you to show your boyfriend that you have a promising career on the rise." Spurred on by Ren's words, we continued browsing the shops until I realized it was already too late.

Traveling quickly in the car, I looked anxiously at the clock on my cell phone while Ren-san held my hand trying to calm me down in the back seat.

When we arrived, the visitors were already leaving and the children were gathered with the homeroom teachers . Carrying my bags in my arms, I walked around, looking for Jinta-kun.

It was then that I saw him, hugging my stepsister affectionately as if he were comforting her. Suddenly, my anxiety had turned to anger, and I walked toward them, barely quickening my steps until I reached them and pushed Mariko away from him.

My mind was no longer thinking clearly; I was being very impulsive. I began to complain to Jinta-kun, and instead of being harsh with me, he tried to calm me down. I knew his arguments were convincing; without a doubt, he would be incapable of fooling me. To him, I was his everything, his whole world. He dedicated himself body and soul to helping me achieve my dream, but I had repaid him in the worst possible way, and guilt once again attacked my heart.

What right did I have to complain about something that was a complete mess? Hadn't I, until a few hours ago, been having sex with a man other than him? Guilt pierced my chest like sharp daggers, and I felt vulnerable in front of him.

But far from trying to fix things, I cowardly thought once more of Ren-san and the security he gave me. It was then that I said the words that would seal the fate of our relationship without even realizing it.

"Let's take some time..." As I traveled back in the backseat of the car, my mind kept repeating the phrase I'd thrown in Jinta-kun's face. Saying that was no different than saying, "Let's end the relationship."

Realizing my mistake, I tried to text him to apologize, but Ren-san stopped me. He kissed me deeply while the driver kept his eyes focused straight ahead without even hesitating.

- "Ren-san, please, not now."

- "Hana-chan. I saw how you were arguing with your boyfriend over that girl. If he valued you, you wouldn't have had to fight over something he himself could have avoided. Is it worth your time worrying about him right now? Ignore him for a few days and you'll see that he'll try to contact you himself. That's how all immature boys are." Holding my hands firmly, Ren took my cell phone from me and put it in my bag. Continuing with his playfulness on my body, turning me on completely and I surrendered to that fleeting desire to forget the bad moment I had gone through.

When we finally arrived at the house, he led me to the door and said goodbye with a passionate kiss that took my breath away. The fear of being discovered made me cling even closer to him, until the barking of a dog made us separate.

"I'll contact you later. Relax, Hana-chan." Getting back into the car, Ren-san left, and I entered the house, which was completely empty. My parents were away visiting relatives and wouldn't be back for another three days. So it would just be Mariko and me.

With my anger still uncontrollable, I went straight to his room and started destroying his things one by one. Everything he liked or had ever made, from his stupid crafts to his ridiculous sketches of his otaku friends' costumes.

Opening his desk drawers, there were some carefully kept sketchbooks; upon opening them, I thought I'd find drawings of his stupid anime characters or whatever nonsense was on his mind. Far from it, I have to admit I stared at the sketches in them for a while.

Dress and garment designs that looked like they were straight out of a fashion magazine catalog, but with an innovative look I'd never seen before. It was so refreshing, I couldn't stop staring at it until my eyes grew tired of it.

Far from breaking them, I decided to keep them for myself. I could use them as a good bargaining chip for favors among the collaborators of other affiliated agencies. It was better that they were in my more capable hands than in the tiny hooves of a piglet who had no idea what the world was like.

Feeling less stressed, I went to my room to hide Mariko's notebooks, then took off my clothes and took a refreshing shower that would help me fall asleep.

As the hours passed, my stepsister didn't come home, and once again, my anxiety grew to the point where I was biting my nails, sitting on the edge of my bed.

- "Damn pig, are you in Jinta-kun's apartment?" – Shouting angrily, I threw myself onto the bed, sleeping without being able to rest completely.

The next morning after she arrived, the anger I thought had subsided erupted in a torrent, lashing out at her. It was satisfying to see her lying on the floor, her head under my foot. I delighted in her moans, which sounded like the squeals of a pig in the slaughterhouse.

"Come on, that's how you should behave," I thought to myself as I continued torturing her until I switched my attacks to target her precious earrings. They were the beautiful peony earrings Jinta-kun had given her.

Unlike the expensive gifts Jinta-kun used to give me with great effort, those trinkets were nothing in comparison. However, the mere thought of her receiving something from him made me jealous. To the point that I cruelly took one of her precious gifts and broke the stem off.

Just as I was about to do the same with the other guy, a message on my phone made me jump up, thinking it was from Jinta-kun. Presumptuously, I imagined myself leaving it on read, but instead, the message came from Ren-san. It made me smile to see him courting me just a day after we'd seen each other.

But I was too stupid, I trusted the pathetic little pig too much; she, without realizing it, took me by surprise by almost discovering the messages I had in Ren's chat.

Pushing her hard in a panic, I left the house and hailed a taxi to go to the office. Consumed by anxiety, I thought of a way to shut that stupid bitch up.