Beneath the Alpha's Composure

I watched her sleep.

There was something peaceful about the way Hazel curled slightly onto her side, one hand tucked beneath her cheek, her dark hair splayed across the cream-colored pillow. She'd been out for hours now, completely oblivious to being moved from the couch where she'd initially fallen asleep to one of my guest bedrooms.

Her bonds had carried her here, careful not to wake her. The protective way they'd handled her body made something primitive inside me growl with jealousy, but I'd pushed it down. When they'd suggested staying at the academy instead of my home, I'd refused, saying Hazel needed uninterrupted rest.

The truth was more selfish. I couldn't bear the thought of her being anywhere but close to me tonight.

Her chest rose and fell with each breath, her face softer in sleep than I'd ever seen it while awake. No furrowed brow, no confused glances, no walls up. Just Hazel, vulnerable and trusting despite not knowing why she felt safe here.

But I knew. She felt it on some level—the pull of our connection, the sense of belonging. The bond calling to her even through the fog I'd placed in her mind.

I ran a hand through my hair and leaned against the doorframe, allowing myself one more moment of watching her before turning away. The weight of my secrets pressed against my chest like a stone.

"I won't do it again," I'd promised her bonds when they'd confronted me about using compulsion on her. "She deserves her autonomy."

Yet here I was, still keeping the truth from her. Still pretending I wasn't desperately, painfully bonded to her. Still making her question her own instincts when she felt drawn to me.

I made my way silently down the hallway, passing the rooms where her other bonds slept. Rhys and Silas sharing one guest room, Jaxon claiming solitude in another, young Ronan curled up nervously in the smallest room. The scent of them all over my house should have infuriated me. Instead, I felt a strange sense of rightness—they belonged with her, and she belonged with me. The equation was simple, even if the execution was infinitely complex.

In my study, I poured myself two fingers of whiskey, not bothering with ice. The amber liquid burned pleasantly as I swallowed it in one go.

Just a few days ago, I'd nearly broken completely. Hazel had come to me upset, confused by her feelings, and I'd almost confessed everything. Instead, I'd given in to weakness of another kind—taking a "taste" of what could be ours.

"Just once," I'd told myself as I'd cupped her face in my hands. "Just to know what it's like."

The memory of her lips against mine, soft and yielding before turning hungry and demanding, made my body tighten with longing. The small, surprised sound she'd made when I'd pulled her against me was branded into my memory.

Sleep was impossible with her under my roof. I knew that even before I tried. Her scent permeated the air—honeysuckle and sunshine. My wolf paced restlessly beneath my skin, wanting to curl around her, to mark her, to make absolutely clear to anyone who approached that she was claimed.

She wasn't, though. Not officially. Not by her choice.

I set down my empty glass and made my way through the house to the back doors leading to my private garden. The night air was cool against my face as I stepped outside, following the stone path to the glass-enclosed pool house.

Inside, the humidity wrapped around me as I stripped off my clothes. The water looked black in the dim lighting, reflecting nothing but my own troubled expression as I dove in.

The physical exertion should have cleared my head, but each stroke only brought memories of Hazel flooding back. The way she'd looked tonight at the dance, moving with natural grace. The fierce determination in her eyes when she'd protected the humans she once called friends. The trust she sometimes showed me, despite every reason not to.

I pushed myself harder, lap after lap, water rushing past my ears. But I couldn't escape my thoughts.

Soon, she would be fully mated to all four of her other bonds. She was already intimate with most of them. I'd seen the marks on her neck, smelled their scent mingled with hers. Yet I held myself apart, maintaining a distance that grew more excruciating by the day.

For what? To keep my promise to wait until she graduated? To maintain some semblance of propriety as headmaster?

No. The truth was darker, more selfish. I'd known from the moment I felt our bond snap into place that I would consume her completely if I let myself have her. My possessiveness would overwhelm us both. The intensity of what I felt went beyond normal bonding—it was primal, absolute.

And it terrified me.

Water splashed violently as I flipped and pushed off the wall for another lap. My muscles burned with exertion, but the physical pain was nothing compared to the ache of restraint.

I thought of her dancing with her ex tonight—that pathetic human boy who'd once touched what was mine. Even though it had happened before Hazel came into my life, before she even knew she was a Grey, the thought of him touching her made murderous rage bubble up inside me.

I'd read the academy reports about Landon's relationship with Hazel. The breakup had devastated her. He'd betrayed her, hurt her in ways that left invisible scars. If I'd known then what I know now, I would have...

I stopped swimming abruptly, treading water in the middle of the pool.

What would I have done? Interfered in the life of a teenage girl who didn't even know about our world? Punished a human boy for behavior that, while despicable, was hardly uncommon?

The truth sickened me. Yes, I would have. I would have done anything to spare her that pain, to keep her untouched by anyone else, waiting for me even though she wouldn't have known why.

I drove my fist into the water, sending up a violent spray. This possessiveness wasn't healthy. It wasn't what she needed. It was exactly why I needed to maintain distance, to let her grow into her powers and her relationships without my overwhelming presence.

But how much longer could I last? Days? Weeks?

Not months. Not even close to the timeline I'd originally planned.

The taste I'd allowed myself had only intensified the craving. The brief moment of her lips against mine, her body pressed to my chest—it had been like giving a starving man a single crumb.

Water cascaded off my body as I hauled myself out of the pool, grabbing a towel from a nearby rack. My breathing was labored, not from exertion but from the effort of containment. Every instinct screamed at me to go to her room, to wake her with my touch, to tell her everything and claim what the universe had marked as mine.

No. I couldn't. Not yet.

I wrapped the towel around my waist and braced my hands on the edge of the pool, head hanging between my shoulders as I tried to steady my breathing.

The control I'd built over decades of discipline was fraying rapidly. I'd never felt its loss so acutely before meeting Hazel. Now it slipped through my fingers like water, leaving behind nothing but raw need and desperate fear.

What would happen when it broke completely?

I gripped the pool edge harder, knuckles turning white as anxiety closed my throat. My wolf clawed just beneath the surface of my skin, demanding release, demanding her.

For the first time in my adult life, I wasn't sure I could maintain control a moment longer.