Infinite Loop Of Dreams

"Nngh—ah, fuck—" I gasped, hips jerking slightly with every thrust of the blade, a guttural groan tearing out of me as wet, sloppy squelches filled the air—each stab sweeter than the last.

I laughed so hard my stomach cramped.

The blood on my hands was warm—thick, sticky, sweet.

It clung to my skin like it belonged there. Like it had always belonged.

I drove the blade down again.

And again.

And again.

The corpse beneath me was long dead.

But I didn't care.

The sound—the sickening squelch of flesh tearing, bones cracking under my rhythm—was music.

Better than moans.

Fuck.

Every stab made my body twitch in pleasure.

It wasn't sex.

It was something purer.

Ecstasy.

I moaned, my hips arching slightly as the blade sank deeper.

"You're so soft," I whispered to the corpse. "So easy to open up."

I giggled.

Something inside me cracked.

I could feel it—Lucifer's gift.

The darkness.

The prophecy.

"This power will make you a god, Ilay. But gods that lose control… become monsters."

"Don't let it swallow you."

Too late, old man.

I wanted it. Craved it.

This high—this fucking rush—was better than sex. Better than breathing.

The blade slid in again.

My body shuddered.

My eyes rolled back.

My jaw slackened, breath hitching like I was about to—

"Ahh—fuck." I groaned. "More…I want more. "

The pleasure was so sharp it blurred the world.

My veins felt molten.

My nerves were electric wires snapping in time with my heartbeat.

My skin buzzed like it was being licked by fire.

This was what I was meant for.

This was mine.

Blood on my tongue. Metal in my hand. Death beneath me.

I was a god.

And gods don't ask permission to feel good.

But then—

Somewhere far… far away…

A voice.

Soft. Gentle.

Like winter sun on frostbitten skin.

"Ilay."

I froze.

My chest heaved.

"Ilay..." it came again. Closer.

Like it was crawling into my madness, touching the one part of me I hadn't yet killed.

Serene.

No.

Not now.

Don't ruin this. Don't touch this.Don't save me.

But her voice was everywhere. Inside me. Behind my ribs. Pressing against my throat.

I dropped the blade.

Blood ran down my face—but it wasn't from the corpse.

It was mine.

My eyes…

Burning.

Bleeding.

Fucking splitting apart.

I screamed.

I screamed, curling forward as my chest caved in.

It felt like a thousand glass knives slashing through my insides.

My stomach turned inside out. My spine shattered and rebuilt itself.

My heart stuttered, lungs collapsed.

I wanted to die.

But death didn't come.

Instead—

Not pain.

But memory.

A dream that wasn't a dream.

I was five. Again.

Small. Silent.

And that man—her uncle—was walking toward me like I was an animal to be put down.

I didn't move.

Didn't speak.

I knew what was coming.

But then—

Arms.

Warm. Protective.

Fierce.

Wrapped around me from behind, pulling me into her chest.

"HE'S MINE!" Serene's voice cracked through the world.

"I PROMISED HIM! HE'S MINE!"

I blinked.

What?

I looked up.

She wasn't letting go.

Even as the tall man shouted. Even as her parents yelled. Even as hell itself tried to rip me away—

She held on tighter.

I'd never been hugged before.

Not like that.

Not like… I mattered.

Her father stepped forward. "Elias, that's enough."

Her mother's voice—sharp. "He stays. He's one of us now."

Family.

I didn't know what that meant. But I knew how it felt.

Warmth in my chest.

Tears I didn't understand stinging my eyes.

Mine.

She said I was hers.

I looked at her.

Golden. Fierce. Beautiful.

And I knew—right then—that I'd never let go either.

If she ever left me, I'd fall apart.

If anyone touched her, I'd kill them.

I was only five.

But the moment I felt her hold me…

The obsession was born.

"Have it your way," her uncle muttered, eyes flicking from me to Serene's parents with disdain. His voice dropped, gravelled and cold. "But mark my words—he's going to become a curse. One day, he'll hurt her."

Then he turned and walked away, leaving silence behind him like a closing coffin.

His words echoed. A curse… Hurt her…

I didn't even know what a curse meant.

But it sounded like a monster.

Something bad.

Something Serene didn't deserve.

I looked up at her, still holding my hand, her soft fingers wrapped around mine like a promise.

No.

I couldn't be that.

I wouldn't.

I'll become stronger.

I'll become someone who can protect her.

So no one can take me away again.

So she never, ever leaves.

Even if I have to burn everything else for it.

12 YEARS LATER

Her voice rang through the hallway.

"Ilay?"

I looked up.

There she was.

My sunshine.

Older. Taller. Beautiful. Radiant.

But still—mine.

My dream.

My tether.

My reason.

She dragged me behind the school, her grip tight on my wrist like she was scared I'd disappear. Or maybe like she wanted to rip me open.

The hallway noise faded the moment we turned the corner. Just us. Just her breath. Just my name.

"I told you not to get into fights," she snapped, spinning around to face me. Her eyes were blazing, that furious kind of fire only she could carry. "Why don't you ever listen to me, Ilay?"

I didn't answer.

Because all I could think about was how her lips curled when she said my name. How her voice wrapped around it like it fucking belonged there. Like I belonged there.

"Ilay," she said again—sharp, angry, perfect.

God, it sounded so good.

She was still talking, her brows pulled together, her cheeks pink with frustration. But her mouth—her mouth—was art. And I wanted to ruin it. Not in a sweet way. In the way that meant she could never say anyone else's name the same way again.

"You've changed, Ilay."

That hit harder than any punch.

She stepped back. One foot. Two.

I saw it before it happened.

She was going to leave.

Walk away.

No.

My hand shot out, grabbed her wrist. Tight.

"Don't you dare leave me."

Her breath caught. Her eyes widened.

It wasn't a plea.

It was a warning.