Chapter 7

Lucien POV

When I held onto her, for that brief moment she clinged onto me, I could tell that she must have rushed into the building because of the rain. She felt so fragile in my arms. I was this close to lifting her and taking her away but then to me she was still a stranger and I'm sure she wouldn't want to be alone with the man she saw banging another woman in a freaking restroom.

It took a while for her to regain her composure and I could tell that she was feeling dazed and so it only felt right to hold onto her until she was herself again. All this time I held her, her face was so close to me that it took all the self restraint in me not to reach out and ask if I could kiss her but that's creepy behavior and I wouldn't want her to look at me that way. After thinking about her for days, this is my one chance to properly get to know her and restore my image, I had a feeling I may not get the chance to again. She looked at me with hazy eyes and fuck, I could feel the tension in my chest trying to separate logic from whatever this was.

She suddenly pulls back and mutters an apology and before I got the chance to say anything, she had disappeared into the Inn. I look down and realize that I had a boner and suddenly it all made sense. Damn it! She must have noticed it and pulled away or she probably recognized my face but this time, I wasn't going to let her out of my sight.

The rain had begun pouring heavily and I was contemplating if I should get the papers or wait it out. Maybe I could run to the car and make it back on time without the rain wetting the papers. Nah it wouldn't work, maybe run to the car and pick up the papers but instead of coming back out, I'll wait for the rain to stop and then I wouldn't have to worry about the papers getting wet. But I knew that wasn't the only reason why. I badly needed to calm myself down after that episode and I knew that if I stayed here longer, I would seek her out and that would probably make her to up her defenses. 

I bolted into the rain and got to where my car was. The raindrops were pouring down in quick succession. I opened my car and settled in, took out the papers from the pigeon hole and glanced through them again.

I was finally a step closer to securing the Three Pigeons and I had already made up my mind that no matter what the odds were, I was going to win this.

Gonzalo obviously needs my help but I know his pride wouldn't let him ask me or anyone for help. Unlike most business men I've come across, Gonzalo is one person who sticks to his beliefs and principles. He's the most unbending man I had the privilege to meet and I can see why he's so successful. 

If he decides to let me help him then he should be able to think about other things which I'm sure requires his attention. Life in general wasn't easy for me and when I think about how far I've come, I get this feeling of both gratitude and pain. Gratitude because at the end of the day, I still made it to the top, pain because I never understood why it all had to be complicated. To me it felt so unfair that I had to go through so much, had to take it all, had to pretend that it almost didn't plunge my mental health into a constant spiral of self doubt and fear. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have had it any other way because everything came together to make me arrive at this very moment but it could have been better. Our lives could have been better, and even till this moment I still get those nightmares. Quite ironic considering how everyone believes that I couldn't possibly have actual fears like I was some sort of super human.

On the flip side, I actually do like it. It keeps me going knowing that I have people out there who would never believe that I was capable of failure. This too also had its bad sides because as much as I truly do appreciate the boost it gives me, I have to maintain it at all cost. My escape from the harshness of whatever circumstances I find myself in is the gym. I love working out, I love the feeling and thrill that comes when the sweats pour down my face and I do not think about anything else other than trying to lift the weight before me. I work out as often as I can and it's one thing I've made sure that I do even if I have so many things on my plate. 

I need warmth, I crave it with everything in me. I want to experience the sensation that comes with having someone be afraid to lose you. A person who craves me as much as I craved them, someone who didn't mind reaching out to my demons and taming them.

Sounds like a selfish desire but I really couldn't care less. Sometimes I want that and other times, I over appreciate my solitude. My decisions so far always put me at the top and the only reason why I've achieved and accomplished so much is because I've accepted the feeling of solitude.

I've never been one to like noise, people or even attention. When I think about myself in the deepest of ways I realize that I am In fact the opposite of whatever the rumors say but I'm not concerned about proving that to anyone, anyone but her.

I wanted her to look at me differently, not as the freak she saw in that restroom but the man who would fight for everything and everyone that he loves, the man who actually saw the best in people. I'm tired of being on defense mode 24/7 but I have no one to tell that to. Just me, like always.

The rain increased and something about the sound of the rain was comforting, maybe it was because it was as loud as my thoughts, maybe it's the way it felt like someone was massaging my head and suddenly everything felt quiet. It was just me, alone with the rain, and slowly I started to feel better. I looked at the papers in my hands and I was glad that I could at least do this for my friend. 

The rain was slowly starting to fade but it was still relatively heavy so I waited out more in the car. I saw more and more people show up in their cars as well; they were all going to the Three Pigeons. This place has really grown and I would do everything I could to make sure that Gonzalo isn't out of business no matter what. Plus I need to see her again, I need her name, what she does and I mean every single detail about her and I was going to have it.