Live Gay Reaction: Grass Edition

Bay lay flat on her back in the grass, one hand clutching her iced coffee like a security blanket, the other gripping her phone like it held the answers to life.

Jane was a few feet away, scrolling on her own phone, occasionally smiling like they were just two coworkers being chill and definitely not giving Bay a crisis.

Bay opened her group chat with Kylee. It was called:

KYLEE SAVE ME (AND ALSO THE GAYS)

Bay:

KYLEE I AM IN THE GRASS

WITH JANE

SHE TUCKED MY HAIR BEHIND MY EAR

LIKE SHE WAS IN A LESBIAN HALLMARK MOVIE

I AM UNWELL

SEND HELP OR A SEDATIVE

Kylee:

Omg

You’re IN THE WILD with her??

Like… no cubicles? No khakis?

Bay:

She’s BAREFOOT

BARE. FOOT.

Like some kind of bisexual faerie princess

And she SMILED like I’m a PERSON and not a walking glitch

Kylee:

Oh no

She did the smile?

The “I see your soul and like it” smile???

Bay:

YES

I am ruined

I can’t even do the “haha silly gay” thing right now

I just laid down like a Victorian ghost and she JOINED ME

Kylee:

You’ve been emotionally spooned by eye contact

I am so proud

Bay:

I didn’t even wear cute shoes

Why am I like this

Kylee:

Because you’re real

And she clearly likes real

Also, babe…

She laid in the grass. Next to you. Voluntarily.

That’s not casual. That’s gay folklore.

Bay:

Should I say something??

Like “hey are you trying to ruin me with tenderness”

Or “pls do that hair thing again”?

Kylee:

Say nothing. Be chill. Be normal.

Let the tension marinate. Like sexy emotional stew.

Bay:

I am bad at stew

I am one gay panic away from confessing my sins and proposing marriage

Kylee:

You’ll be fine

Deep breath

Think ferret thoughts

Bay took a long, slow breath and peeked over at Jane.

Jane caught her eye, smiled softly, and said, “You look very peaceful.”

Bay’s phone nearly slipped out of her hand.

Bay (texting again):

I am NOT peaceful

I am being actively emotionally assassinated in broad daylight

Kylee:

Congrats!

You're not just crushing

You're spiraling with potential