For the moment

Bay looked down at her journal in disbelief. She had written that she wanted to kiss Jane—abruptly, desperately—and now she was trying to explain it all to her shrink. Her weekend had been a blur of work and writing, trying to find the words for what she felt. Then Jane had touched her wrist.

"Bailey, are you okay?"

That voice echoed in her mind. Bay didn’t respond. She wanted to say yes—to Jane, to the possibility of connecting outside of work—but reality pulled her back. Once again, she was just imagining something more than the ordinary life she lived.

"Bay..."

She heard it again.

"Bay..."

This time, the name came louder. It snapped her back to the present. She looked around and saw who was speaking. It was Dr. Escero.

"Can you hear me this time?"

Bay looked up. Dr. Escero looked calm—so calm it felt surreal. How could she always seem so composed? Bay was convinced the doctor must think she was losing it.

"This time..." Bay whispered. What happened the other times? Had she responded? Had she ignored her? Her mind was still racing, trying to form an answer, but nothing came out. Instead, she stared at her journal again, and this time the words finally came.

"What did I do?"

With a reassuring smile, Dr. Escero stood in front of her. She gently took the journal from Bay’s lap and placed it on the desk. Then she pulled a chair next to Bay, facing her.

"I’m glad you’re here."

She sat down, placing her hands between Bay’s like they were holding hands.

"I’m going to hold your hand firmly now."

She squeezed Bay’s hand with her right, then covered both with her left, anchoring them. She smiled.

"You’re okay."

Bay realized she had been dissociating again, confusing fantasy with reality.

"Did I do it again?"

"Again," Dr. Escero said softly, "and it’s okay."

Bay pulled her hands away.

"It’s not okay. I need to stop running and have the courage to do what I want. Why do I keep doing this?"

She slouched in her slightly uncomfortable chair, hugging a plush pillow. Dr. Escero sighed gently.

"When I first met you, I didn’t say it would be easy. Baby steps."

"Why is she so understanding? I’m sure her other clients aren’t as cuckoo as I am," Bay murmured.

"They’re worse," the doctor replied with a small smile. "Besides, it’s my job."

Bay flushed with embarrassment and shifted in her seat.

"I didn’t mean—"

Dr. Escero raised a finger to her lips and shook her head gently, signaling her to stop.

"For now, I want you to practice some grounding techniques."

Bay groaned in disappointment.

"Again?"

"Yes, again. You should always practice, even when you think you don’t need it. After today’s episode, you’ll be better able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. One day, you’ll ask your special someone on a real date—instead of imagining they made the first move."

Bay remembered how strange it still felt to be in this room, paying someone to analyze her. But she needed the help. If she was going to face her fears and the anxiety the world threw at her, she had to do her part. Or, as Dr. Escero called it, her homework.

She watched as Dr. Escero stood, walked to her desk, opened a drawer, and pulled out a thick stack of papers.

"Here. Take this."

Bay reached out and took the packet, reading the title.

"And I want to see you back in a week."

"So... I can go?" Bay asked, glancing at her watch.

"For now," Dr. Escero replied with a small sigh

giving her back her journal.

"Keep writing in your journal, and keep talking to your best friend. The more support you have, the easier it’ll be to build a healthy relationship."

Bay nodded slowly, holding the packet to her chest. Maybe this time, she could start doing things differently.