Mortal fear

I was in total darkness. There was a cold liquid beneath my feet. A deep hunger and longing filled my body—this feeling was all too familiar.

Instinctively, I started to run. But I stopped after just a few steps. A wall of shadow loomed behind me—motionless, yet menacing.

"Alex," I heard it call. No… it was coming from somewhere else.

The world around me shimmered and began to fade. But not before I saw something move within the shadow. A hand, I think.

"Alex!" I heard someone else call out.

My vision was blurry. My head spun. I groaned as I tried to sit up.

"No—don't move," a voice said. Nkosi.

Another voice called out. The boy quickly stood and turned toward the sound.

I was behind a bench, I think. I wasn't sure where I was or what was happening. I tilted my head to see who was calling Nkosi— It was Jayden.

He had his back to me. Under the red lantern light, he looked menacing.

But something wasn't right. The room was completely silent. The torches barely flickered.

I scanned the room from where I lay, but before I could get far, a glimmer caught my eye—from the direction of the door.

I squinted, trying to focus— And that's when I saw it.

—Motionless, as if stalking. Its scales shimmered faintly, blending into the shadows. It made no sound. How long it had been there… no one could say.

Its tongue flickered once. Then again.

The second flick was the only warning— Before it was suddenly upon me.

Its hand recoiled, ready to slash. Its emotionless, horned head leaned forward, flickering tongue tasting the air.

I couldn't move. My limbs were frozen. Breath caught in my throat. My heart pounded like a drum.

Its claw grazed my cheek, drawing a shallow cut. Warm blood trickled down. The scrape of flesh made my stomach churn.

Nkosi slammed into it— Just in time.

Jayden appeared from nowhere, sprinting.

He drove his fist into its side, sending a tremor through the floor. The impact cracked the tiles where his punch landed, knocking it sideways toward Nkosi.

But the creature didn't falter.

Its tail whipped out— Slamming into Jayden and flinging him several feet. He crashed down just meters from me.

Now fully awake, I got to my knees, crawling on all threes. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I crawled until my head smacked against a wall— Then curled up, back against the cold stone.

"This isn't real," I thought. "Just another episode."

I tried to convince myself.

But the sound of crashing objects, unnatural grunts, and a sudden violent impact against the wall shook me.

I didn't want to look. I stared at the floor, trying to calm myself.

—

Nkosi moved fast. He grabbed rusted rods—remnants of the shattered bench—and charged.

His strikes glanced off the creature's nearly impenetrable scales. Still, he kept moving, dodging swipes, infuriating the beast with each missed blow.

It lunged. Nkosi ducked beneath the claws and jammed a rod into its palm.

Blood spurted— The first sign it could bleed.

The creature screeched, tail sweeping again. Nkosi flipped back in time, landing with the bloodied rod still in hand.

The beast roared and charged. Nkosi stood still.

At the last second— He stepped aside.

A massive chunk of fallen pillar—hurled from behind—slammed into the creature's side. Jayden, panting, held another slab in his hands like it weighed nothing.

The second chunk struck its face, tearing part of its jaw clean off. Flesh dangled loosely.

Nkosi didn't wait.

He darted forward, stabbing deep into the torn torso. The creature tried to crush him with both arms, but Nkosi rolled away, then threw a rod upward, ran up its arm like a ramp, and plunged another into its skull.

Blood sprayed.

Nkosi flipped back, caught the falling rod mid-air, and hurled it into the creature's shredded jaw— straight through and out the other side.

The creature let out a low screech— More a whimper than a roar— That made the whole room vibrate.

I was knocked out of my trance, forced to look up.

Debris on the floor shook, then stilled— And the beast collapsed.

Its final breath rattled from its throat as it hit the ground. Nkosi landed hard on his back, but quickly sat up, groaning.

Jayden jogged over.

"Is it dead?" he asked.

"You're closer," Nkosi replied.

"Looks dead," he added, yanking a scale from its tail. "Proof," he muttered, then returned to where I was.

But I was still in shock. Worse— My medication was wearing off.

The thoughts— They came in a flood. Louder by the second.

Voices in my head, long suppressed, began to stir.

I couldn't understand them. Just whispers—muffled, indecipherable— crawling under my skin.

My chest tightened. Breathing became rapid, shallow. Limbs trembled uncontrollably.

I couldn't get enough air. Couldn't think straight. I wanted to run— But part of me refused to leave that spot.

Then—

Something touched my shoulder.

I flinched. Panic exploded in my chest.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you," Jayden said, his voice low and tired. He sat beside me, his back against the wall.

"Deep breaths help," he added, noticing how I was gasping for air.

He sat silently, just breathing with me.

After a while, Nkosi approached. His shirt was soaked in something dark.

"You guys ready to leave?"

"Yeah," Jayden nodded, standing up.

I didn't answer. Just slowly pulled myself to my feet— Still shaken.

Here's a fully revised version of your scene with improved pacing, grammar, spelling, and punctuation, while keeping your voice and intensity intact:

I was in total darkness. There was a cold liquid beneath my feet. A deep hunger and longing filled my body—this feeling was all too familiar.

Instinctively, I started to run. But I stopped after just a few steps. A wall of shadow loomed behind me—motionless, yet menacing.

"Alex," I heard it call. No… it was coming from somewhere else.

The world around me shimmered and began to fade. But not before I saw something move within the shadow. A hand, I think.

"Alex!" I heard someone else call out.

My vision was blurry. My head spun. I groaned as I tried to sit up.

"No—don't move," a voice said. Nkosi.

Another voice called out. The boy quickly stood and turned toward the sound.

I was behind a bench, I think. I wasn't sure where I was or what was happening. I tilted my head to see who was calling Nkosi— It was Jayden.

He had his back to me. Under the red lantern light, he looked menacing.

But something wasn't right. The room was completely silent. The torches barely flickered.

I scanned the room from where I lay, but before I could get far, a glimmer caught my eye—from the direction of the door.

I squinted, trying to focus— And that's when I saw it.

—Motionless, as if stalking. Its scales shimmered faintly, blending into the shadows. It made no sound. How long it had been there… no one could say.

Its tongue flickered once. Then again.

The second flick was the only warning— Before it was suddenly upon me.

Its hand recoiled, ready to slash. Its emotionless, horned head leaned forward, flickering tongue tasting the air.

I couldn't move. My limbs were frozen. Breath caught in my throat. My heart pounded like a drum.

Its claw grazed my cheek, drawing a shallow cut. Warm blood trickled down. The scrape of flesh made my stomach churn.

Nkosi slammed into it— Just in time.

Jayden appeared from nowhere, sprinting.

He drove his fist into its side, sending a tremor through the floor. The impact cracked the tiles where his punch landed, knocking it sideways toward Nkosi.

But the creature didn't falter.

Its tail whipped out— Slamming into Jayden and flinging him several feet. He crashed down just meters from me.

Now fully awake, I got to my knees, crawling on all threes. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I crawled until my head smacked against a wall— Then curled up, back against the cold stone.

"This isn't real," I thought. "Just another episode."

I tried to convince myself.

But the sound of crashing objects, unnatural grunts, and a sudden violent impact against the wall shook me.

I didn't want to look. I stared at the floor, trying to calm myself.

—

Nkosi moved fast. He grabbed rusted rods—remnants of the shattered bench—and charged.

His strikes glanced off the creature's nearly impenetrable scales. Still, he kept moving, dodging swipes, infuriating the beast with each missed blow.

It lunged. Nkosi ducked beneath the claws and jammed a rod into its palm.

Blood spurted— The first sign it could bleed.

The creature screeched, tail sweeping again. Nkosi flipped back in time, landing with the bloodied rod still in hand.

The beast roared and charged. Nkosi stood still.

At the last second— He stepped aside.

A massive chunk of fallen pillar—hurled from behind—slammed into the creature's side. Jayden, panting, held another slab in his hands like it weighed nothing.

The second chunk struck its face, tearing part of its jaw clean off. Flesh dangled loosely.

Nkosi didn't wait.

He darted forward, stabbing deep into the torn torso. The creature tried to crush him with both arms, but Nkosi rolled away, then threw a rod upward, ran up its arm like a ramp, and plunged another into its skull.

Blood sprayed.

Nkosi flipped back, caught the falling rod mid-air, and hurled it into the creature's shredded jaw— straight through and out the other side.

The creature let out a low screech— More a whimper than a roar— That made the whole room vibrate.

I was knocked out of my trance, forced to look up.

Debris on the floor shook, then stilled— And the beast collapsed.

Its final breath rattled from its throat as it hit the ground. Nkosi landed hard on his back, but quickly sat up, groaning.

Jayden jogged over.

"Is it dead?" he asked.

"You're closer," Nkosi replied.

"Looks dead," he added, yanking a scale from its tail. "Proof," he muttered, then returned to where I was.

But I was still in shock. Worse— My medication was wearing off.

The thoughts— They came in a flood. Louder by the second.

Voices in my head, long suppressed, began to stir.

I couldn't understand them. Just whispers—muffled, indecipherable— crawling under my skin.

My chest tightened. Breathing became rapid, shallow. Limbs trembled uncontrollably.

I couldn't get enough air. Couldn't think straight. I wanted to run— But part of me refused to leave that spot.

Then—

Something touched my shoulder.

I flinched. Panic exploded in my chest.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you," Jayden said, his voice low and tired. He sat beside me, his back against the wall.

"Deep breaths help," he added, noticing how I was gasping for air.

He sat silently, just breathing with me.

After a while, Nkosi approached. His shirt was soaked in something dark.

"You guys ready to leave?"

"Yeah," Jayden nodded, standing up.

I didn't answer. Just slowly pulled myself to my feet—still shaken.

Now on my feet, I got a better view of the place I was in. It looked like the auditorium of the school, but something was wrong.

It had an unholy stench. All the windows were boarded up. The walls were covered in vines that looked red, thanks to the torchlight.

The benches were all broken into pieces—including the ones I had been behind.

She hesitated for a moment, but moved anyway.

The stage was concealed by the curtains, which were burnt and stained.