I woke up before my alarm.
The house was quiet in that early-morning way, when the sun is barely up and everything feels like it's holding its breath. Even the birds hadn't started in yet. I just lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling, already wide awake but wishing I wasn't.
Today was the interview.
My first real college thing.
I got up slowly, like moving too fast would shake the nerves loose. My feet were cold against the tile as I padded into the bathroom. The sticky note was still on the mirror from yesterday — "YOU DID A BRAVE THING. DON'T FORGET IT. 💜 — Mom" — but now there was another one, placed gently just below it.
"BE YOU. THAT'S ALWAYS ENOUGH. 💜 — Mom"
I didn't know how she managed to write the exact thing I needed before I even knew I needed it.
I brushed my teeth, washed my face, stared at my reflection too long. My hair wasn't cooperating, so I gave up on trying to make it perfect and tied it half-up the way I always do. I didn't want to look like someone else today. I just wanted to look like me — slightly sleepy, a little nervous, but trying.
My outfit was simple: soft blue blouse, the black pants that actually fit right, and flats that didn't squeak. I changed out of a different top three times before settling on this one. Maya would've told me to wear the green one — said it made my eyes pop — but I didn't want to look like I was trying to be confident. I just wanted to be confident. Or fake it well enough to pass.
Downstairs, I made toast and poured tea I barely touched. My hands felt shaky. I kept opening my email to double-check the time and link, like it might disappear.
It didn't.
9:00 AM. Coastal Pines Admissions Interview. Virtual.
I opened my laptop and clicked the link five minutes early, just in case. The waiting screen sat there like a dare.
Then — a soft chime. A face appeared.
"Hi Zoey, I'm Ms. Caldwell. Thanks for joining us."
I smiled — or tried to. "Thanks for having me."
It was happening.
The questions came one by one, like careful stepping stones across a river:
• Why do you want to attend Coastal Pines?
• Tell me about a time you took initiative.
• What's something you're passionate about, and how does that shape your goals?
Some I answered easily. Others I rambled through. At one point I caught myself twisting the hem of my blouse under the desk. I made myself stop.
Then she asked:
"You mentioned in your essay that you write poetry. Can you tell me what draws you to that?"
I paused.
Because I hadn't expected them to actually read it.
But then I heard myself say:
"I think poetry is the one place where I don't have to explain myself. It's not about being understood perfectly — it's about being honest. Even when it's messy."
Ms. Caldwell smiled. "That's a lovely way to put it."
By the time we reached the end, my voice felt steadier. She thanked me, said they'd be in touch soon. I closed the laptop and just sat there for a minute.
Not shaking.
Not spinning.
Just breathing.
📔 Diary Entry – June 18
I did it.
I showed up.
And that sounds small, maybe. But it wasn't. It was everything.
I wore my favorite blouse. I answered hard questions. I used my real voice. I remembered to breathe.
And somehow, even though my stomach did somersaults and my hands wouldn't sit still — I liked how I sounded. Like someone becoming herself in real time.
There's a version of me I keep chasing — cooler, braver, more put together.
But today? I was enough.
Just me.
Just showing up.
And maybe that's how it starts.