Mistaken Identity (And Dignity)

Chapter 28 – Bob POV: "Mistaken Identity (And Dignity)"

Tchhh...

They tossed me like a sack of potatoes. Zero respect. I landed on cold marble and blinked up, dazed. My head was spinning—slave market? Dungeon? Arena?

Nope. Worse.

A massive, echoey hall stretched around me. Velvet banners. Icy blue crystals. And right in front of me—on an actual throne—sat a man. Tall. Sharp jaw. Silver-gray eyes with a weird pink hue. Muscular. Brooding. Honestly? Not bad looking if I wasn't currently on death row.

I froze.

Was I here for execution? Did I smuggle the wrong herbs again?

Before I could speak, one of the guards bowed dramatically and announced:

"Your Majesty, we didn't believe it at first… but the spy from Zerathune was right. The statue—the one near the castle—he was right. She's back. She looks exactly like the late Princess Guandeline."

...

She?

Hold on.

SHE?!

Who the hell are they talking about? Me?! Did they just kidnap me over my discount marble statue?

"Your face," the king murmured, rising from his icy throne, "it's like guandoline. You look just like her."

The guard continued. "This is the woman that look exactly like the late princess ,its a honnor to serve you king klaus ! "

Woman he talk about me ? , and Great. A king thinks I'm his dead princess. This is the worst drag show ever.

The king stepped closer. His boots echoed. His aura screamed trauma and royalty. And then—he cupped my chin. His icy fingers tilted my face.

"So pretty," he whispered. "Tell me... what's your name, my lady?"

...

Lady?

LADY?

I slapped his hand away so fast I think I cracked the sound barrier.

"I'M. A. MAN."

Everyone in the throne room fell silent.

Then murmurs. Confusion. Denial.

"She looks exactly like her," someone whispered.

"It's just the hair," another said. "Princess Guandeline had longer hair, but the eyes... it's uncanny."

I stomped my foot.

"I'm a freaking man, do you people need subtitles?!"

I turned to leave. No way was I sticking around in the Frozen Palace of Delusion.

But before I could bolt, Klaus snapped his fingers.

"Don't let her leave."

Next thing I know?

I'm being lifted—yes, lifted—and placed straight on his lap like a porcelain doll. My soul left my body. I wanted a girlfriend, not to become one!

"This is a nightmare," I muttered.

Then someone in the crowd shouted, "Prove it!"

Oh, you want proof?

Fine.

I stood up, yanked down my pants, and let my laser saber speak for itself.

Gasps. Shrieks. A woman fainted. A knight dropped his spear.

"See?! I'm a MAN, you royal weirdos!"

The room was stunned.

Then, softly... a voice near the back cleared his throat.

"Um, sir—could you turn slightly to the left and pose? Yes, and hide your thing with one hand please, yes, perfect—"

I blinked.

"Who... are you?"

"I'm the royal artist. This sketch will be featured on tomorrow's IceSwords Morning News."

...

I hesitated.

Normal men would scream. Run. Cry.

But me?

I struck a pose and whispered, "Make sure you catch my good side , and focus on my blue eyes ! ."

Because if I'm going down, I'm going down iconic.