Chapter 22

The first day of winter break arrived quietly, almost unnoticed. It was not the kind of day that demanded celebration or fanfare. Instead, it came wrapped in a heavy stillness that settled over the campus like a low fog. The usual hum of students moving between classes, the chatter that spilled out of open dorm windows, the distant sounds of laughter and music all seemed to fade away by noon.

I stood near the university gates, my hands buried deep inside the pockets of my coat. The sky was a pale gray, the kind of dullness that feels like it is holding its breath, waiting for something to happen. The air was colder than it had been yesterday but there was no snow yet. Just the sharp bite of winter creeping in through every crack and corner.

I didn't know where to go. No classes, no assignments to finish, no friends calling out plans. The long stretch of time ahead felt endless and empty, and for once, I didn't have a plan. Not even a thought about what I wanted to do with all the hours I suddenly had to myself.

I wondered if this was what it felt like to be free. But the silence that came with it was loud and heavy in my chest.

Later that evening

My phone buzzed once and lit up the dark room. It was a message from Minato:

Still meeting. 6 PM. Illumination walk, hot drinks after. Don't ditch.

I stared at the screen for a long time, my thumb hovering over the reply button. I wanted to say no. I wanted to retreat back into the quiet I had been craving all day. But I remembered something Sae had said to me not long ago.

It's nice to not be alone sometimes.

I closed my eyes and typed back a short reply.

Okay. I'll come.

We met outside the station plaza, the kind of place decorated with tired Christmas lights and faded banners from last year's festivals. Tanaka was there first, slouching against a lamppost with a can of coffee in one hand and a lazy wave with the other. Minato showed up a few minutes later, scarf wrapped around his neck like a fortress against the cold.

"You thought you'd ghost us," Minato teased the moment I came into view.

"I thought about it," I admitted, rubbing my hands together to warm them.

Sae arrived last. Her red knit hat was pulled low over her forehead, strands of amber hair slipping out to catch the fading light. The moment I saw her, something inside me tightened, like a thread being pulled.

"You came," she said with a grin.

"Sounds surprised," I said.

"I'm always a little surprised when you say yes to things," she replied, nudging me lightly as we started walking.

The street was lined with tiny shops and cafes, their windows glowing softly with yellow light. Strings of paper stars and lanterns swayed gently in the cold breeze. The scent of roasted chestnuts and sweet pastries drifted from nearby stalls. It was nothing fancy—just a simple, slow walk under a canopy of warm lights. But something about it felt fragile and important, like a secret we were all sharing without saying a word.

Minato and Tanaka kept up their usual banter, joking about couples holding hands and how lame they thought the whole festival thing was. Sae leaned over one of the food stalls and grabbed a steamed bun, then handed it to me.

"Try it," she said.

I wasn't hungry, but I took it anyway, biting into the warm dough and savoring the unexpected sweetness. For a moment, I forgot about the cold, the quiet, and all the thoughts clawing at the edges of my mind.

We reached a frozen fountain where the water had long since turned to ice. Minato and Tanaka wandered off toward a crepe stand, leaving Sae and me standing close together. The glow of the lanterns painted soft shadows across her face.

"They always come back here," she said, watching a family take pictures under the archway. "Every year, no matter what."

"You used to come here?" I asked.

"My mom did," she replied quietly. "She said the lights made the world feel less cruel, even when things were hard."

I looked away for a moment, thinking about what that meant. About how even something as small as a string of lights could offer a little hope.

Sae turned to look at me, her eyes steady and bright.

"You don't talk much about your family," she said softly.

I swallowed. "There's not much to say."

She didn't press further. Instead, she nudged my arm gently and smiled.

"Thanks for coming tonight."

"You shouldn't have to thank me for basic social behavior," I said, trying to sound casual.

"Sure you should. I know it costs you something," she said, her voice gentle but sure.

I frowned, confused by her kindness. "Why are you always so... kind to me?"

She tilted her head, the light catching in her eyes.

"Because I like how you think. Because you're honest, even when you try not to be. And because-" She stopped herself.

"Because what?" I asked.

She gave a small, crooked smile.

"Because I think there's a lot of warmth under all that quiet."

I didn't know what to say. So I said nothing. But I didn't look away either.

Later, Tanaka and Minato said their goodbyes at the station, joking and shoving each other like usual. Sae and I walked the last stretch back to the dorms in silence. The quiet wasn't heavy anymore. It felt... different. Softer.

At the entrance to the dorm, Sae paused and looked at me.

"I'm glad you came," she said again.

I nodded. "Me too."

For a moment, the air between us seemed full of something unspoken, fragile and new. But she only smiled and turned away, slipping into the hallway shadows.

Back in my room, the silence returned. I sat on my bed with the window cracked open, letting the cold seep in and fill the space. It was sharp and clear, like it was cutting through the fog inside my head.

I pulled out a small paperback from my bag - White Nights. The edges were worn, the pages creased from overreading. My fingers traced the underlined passages, the ones that always made my chest ache.

I whispered to myself, "Maybe I'm not meant to be alone forever."

Outside, the city was quieter than usual. The usual noise - the honking cars, chatter, the distant music - was muffled beneath a thin blanket of fresh snow that had started falling silently in the night.

I stepped out onto the small balcony of my dorm room. The streetlights below cast a pale glow on the icy sidewalks. My breath formed a mist in the cold air.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to celebrate this New Year or just let it pass like any other day.

A soft knock came at my door.

I wasn't expecting anyone.

When I opened it, there was Sae. Her cheeks were pink from the cold. Her amber hair shimmered faintly in the hallway light. She looked a little unsure but determined.

"Thought you might be up," she said softly, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation.

I closed the door behind her and stood there for a moment, not knowing what to say.

She sat down on the floor with her back against the wall, and I followed, settling beside her. The heater hummed quietly nearby.

Outside, distant fireworks began to crackle.

Sae looked over at me, her voice barely above a whisper.

"New Year's always feels like a fresh start. Like maybe things can change."

I met her gaze.

"I've spent so many years feeling stuck. Like I'm watching life happen around me but never really living it."

She smiled gently, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"But I think that's starting to change."

I swallowed hard.

"Because?"

"Because sometimes," she said, "you find people who make the silence feel less heavy."

Our eyes locked. The moment stretched between us.

For once, nothing else seemed to matter but the quiet and the warmth of being near someone who understood.

The clock ticked closer to midnight. A distant chorus of cheers and fireworks exploded outside.

I took a deep breath, feeling something new rise in my chest.

"Happy New Year, Sae."

She smiled, soft and genuine.

"Happy New Year, Nakamura."

Snow continued to fall steadily outside, blanketing the city in white. Inside, the world shrank down to just the two of us.

Sae shifted closer, her breath making soft clouds in the cold air.

"You know," she said gently, "I never thought someone like you would let someone in like this."

I looked at her, surprised.

"Like what?"

"Like... not shutting the world out. You've built walls around yourself, but here you are, letting me sit beside you."

I exhaled slowly. The tension in my shoulders loosened.

"I don't know if it's courage or just tiredness."

She smiled, a flicker of warmth in her green eyes.

"Maybe it's both."

We sat there for a long while, listening to the distant echoes of celebration.

My fingers brushed against hers almost without thinking.

I didn't pull away.

"I guess I'm tired of pretending I have to do this alone."

Sae's hand found mine. Our fingers intertwined gently.

"You don't have to."

For the first time in a long while, I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, I didn't have to be alone.

The night stretched on. Quiet and still. Holding the promise of a new year and maybe a new beginning.

The clock in the hallway chimed well past midnight. Each toll felt like a page turning, a chance to write something different.

I kept my eyes on Sae's green eyes, glowing softly in the dim light.

"You know," I said quietly, "I used to think people just drifted in and out of life like the seasons. Cold and distant. No real warmth."

Sae squeezed my hand gently.

"But you don't believe that anymore?"

I shook my head. "Not with you. You're different."

She laughed softly. "I get that a lot."

Our smiles met, bridging the distance I had spent years building around myself.

Outside, the city hummed with celebration, but inside the stillness was comforting. Like a rare moment caught between chaos and calm.

For once, the future didn't seem so daunting.

Sae's voice broke the silence.

"Whatever happens next year, we face it together."

I nodded. The weight on my chest was lighter now.

Together.

She shifted closer, and I caught a faint, comforting scent - maybe jasmine or sandalwood. It was subtle but it made the cold air feel warmer. She wasn't just the girl with the amber hair and sharp eyes anymore. There was something steady about her presence, like an anchor in the middle of all the noise.

We watched the sky as the last of the fireworks fizzled out.

The world had quieted around us. And in that silence, I felt something rare. Peace.

Not the kind of peace that comes from having everything figured out, but the kind that shows up when someone just understands.

I whispered, "Didn't expect New Year's to feel like this. Not so lonely."

Sae smiled, her eyes warm in the dark.

"Guess some things change, even if it's just a little."

I looked at her. Really looked.

The way her jacket hung loosely on her shoulders. The faint smudge of dirt on her sleeve from the festival earlier. The calm in her eyes. Not just green but steady and warm.

She was real. Normal. Beautiful in a way I hadn't let myself see before.

"Thanks for sticking around," I said quietly. "For everything."

She nudged me with her shoulder.

"You'd do the same."

I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

Maybe the year hadn't been perfect.

But maybe it was enough.

Enough to keep moving forward.

And with Sae sitting beside me, the future didn't feel quite so uncertain anymore.

The snow fell softly outside as I closed my eyes and listened to the silence.

For the first time in a long time, I was not alone.