Did I Save Him, Or Drag Him Down?

The battlefield was wrecked.

Corpses filled the valley —

bodies riddled with arrows, faces twisted in their final moments.

The stench of blood in the air made Renji uneasy.

It had been a long time since he last felt this sick.

This smell… he used to know it well.

Now, it made his stomach twist.

"Renji? Are you okay?"

Hayato's voice drifted in from behind — calm, but edged with concern.

"You didn't have to push so hard.

Just stalling them would've been enough."

He always tried to sound composed.

Always.

Even now.

Renji had never seen him cry.

Not once.

Not when they mocked him in camp.

Not when the twins messed with him for hours on end.

Not even when the pain was too much to stand.

He never cracked.

He just kept building walls.

And Renji often wondered—

would those walls protect him?

Or crush him from within?

Reisou, he thought, gaze falling to the blood-soaked earth.

You must still be carving.

But this time… I want to forget too.

He looked toward Hayato —

the boy standing firm despite everything.

There was something in his eye.

Something that reminded Renji of the ones they'd lost.

He drew in a breath.

His vision shimmered.

(Nine years ago)

At the mouth of a cave swallowed in silence, someone knelt in the dirt — slowly, meticulously carving the same shape into a block of wood.

Dozens of old, worn symbols were etched across the stone floor.

Renji approached, footsteps quiet, sake bottle in hand.

"You're still carving the same one," he said, lowering himself nearby.

"How many times has it been now?"

The man didn't look up.

"…I keep thinking I'll remember something if I do.

But honestly… I don't even know what I'm carving anymore."

Renji nodded faintly.

"I get that.

I've burned my power out more times than I can count.

Thought maybe I could erase all the worst parts of the past."

He paused.

"But the thing is… there are some memories I don't want to lose."

The man didn't answer.

Just kept carving.

A fake smile hung on Renji's face — the kind he always wore.

Reisou let out a tired laugh.

"That same damn expression… You wear it every time I see you."

"Smiling," Renji said quietly,

"became how we survive."

Renji looked down at the sake in his hand.

"But someone saw through it. Not long ago."

The carving stopped. The cave held its breath.

"…Who?"

"A boy," Renji replied. "Name's Hayato."

There was a pause. Then a quiet mutter.

"Strange name."

Renji tilted his head.

"Strange eye, too. Just one of them.

But it was enough."

He looked away for a second, then back.

"He looked at me… and saw what was behind the grin.

He saw the weight I was hiding.

And he didn't even know me."

Finally, the carver turned his head — just enough to glance at Renji.

"We've met hundreds of people… friends, enemies.

No one's ever read you like that.

How'd this kid do it?"

"He's broken," Renji said.

"Like me.

Incomplete.

When I found him, he was standing at the edge of the abyss.

Empty inside."

There was a long breath.

"But even then… in that one eye… there was something."

He drank from the bottle and let the silence settle.

"He's loyal. Truly loyal. But sometimes I wonder… did I save him?

Or did I drag him into the same pain I'm trying to escape?"

The carving was left behind.

The man's eyes didn't focus on anything anymore.

"…I don't know," he said, voice distant. "My memories feel like fog."

"But this coming rebellion," he added, a bit steadier now.

"This one's going to be different. Isn't it?"

Renji's eyes narrowed.

"This time," he said, "I have to be more careful."

------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading. If you'd like to see more, your support means the world to me.