Chapter 2: Plants are Friends

Grog was watering his plants, which in a forest were about as plentiful as ants in an anthill. The more he watered, the more he cultivated the Path of the Green Thumb.

That was something Dobri was trying to think about in a positive light. After all, cultivation was something that only the immortals could do.

Not even Dobri, who was a dungeon core, had been given this privilege.

"Grog, you should eat something green," the dungeon core said with the urgency of 1001 Bulgarian grandmas.

After all, if Grog didn't eat his veggies his gut microbes were going to eat the mucus lining his stomach.

And that meant no taking over the world because of a case of a very certain death.

Besides, Dobri didn't want a goblin who was depressed because of lack of fiber.

"No!" The goblin was about as responsive to these pleas of the dungeon core as a woman who was in the middle of shopping therapy.

Dobri decided to change the tactic.

"Look here, you," the dungeon core said, as he started to show the goblin pictures of what depression looked like. "If you don't stop with this nonsense, then I will more than likely need to put you on a kebab diet!"

Grog didn't so much as blink. A Kebab diet was a good thing.

"Well, if that is what you wish," Dobri took the goblin's mana and then created a bunny before him.

 It paid to be a dungeon core.

"Then hunt this!"

Dobri's plan was to make something so cute that Grog would never, ever, want to eat it.

But Grog was a goblin.

He skewered the cute rodent on a spear, skinned it with his nails, and then put a stick through its butthole.

Dobri would have gaped if he could.

"Why?" He screamed to the heavens. "The bunny was pure white! You could have made a lot of money by letting it eat stuff for MagicY videos! It was a brand ambassador!"

Grog began to eat.

He had heard about MagicY but never found the appeal. After all, he was just a goblin. If he wanted to eat something, he could just hunt it.

But Dobri did not give up!

He summoned a fluffy black, red-eyed bunny, next. He thought that Grog, just like any other goblin, would think it a bad omen.

Nope. It ended over the fire.

"Dungeon core," the goblin was using the system to download a bigger vocabulary like a Duolingo session gone wrong.

Dobri was trying to not let it learn any Bulgarian curses.

Not only because no one would understand them, but also because they were very… anti-mothers and colorful.

"May I have a third bunny, please?"

Dobri evaluated his mana. He had about enough mana for three more bunnies. Grog was not the strongest when it came to mana.

"How about I give you a cat?" Dobri had the perfect one in mind. A cat which was about as dumb as the goblin and about as resourceful as a bunny.

That is: a bunny which was not doomed for the grill.

The small ginger kitten which appeared blinked and meowed in front of Grog.

Now that the goblin had enough food to last him for quite a while he didn't feel the urge to kill the kitten.

"Here, kitty," Grog tore off a rabbit haunch and placed it before the tiny creature.

What followed was something that melted the goblin's heart.

The tiny ginger kitten began to battle with the haunch, which was as big as it. It began to tear at the meat. To growl like a big cat.

"See?" Dobri asked, as he was banking on the goblin's heart melting once and for all. "This one will help you hunt!"

The goblin nodded. Yes, he had thought as much.

"And not just that, but you can also make it funny videos on MagicY!"

Grog snorted once more. What did MagicY, the place where cats danced and dogs howled to the sun, had to do with anything?

"You are a goblin, Grog," the dungeon core told him. "And as such, will be hunted. We need to get you a peaceful status, so you won't end up with your head bashed in."

That sounded like a dream. Grog had never heard about a goblin who was not hunted.

"But if you show the people of MagicY that you are not some ruffians who want to eat them, then they will petition for a peaceful status!"

Now, Dobri knew that there was just one thing left to use to butter up this creature. Just one thing which he had to use to get the goblin on his side.

"And then, once you have the peaceful status, you will be able to have a rose garden!" Dobri sent a mental picture to the goblin with a garden overflowing with roses.

"They are on the walls, on the roof, on the ground!" The goblin was jumping with joy. "They are everywhere!"

"Yes, and you will need to be peaceful, so let us just make a video of the cat, ok?"

 Dobri was already readying the camera.

It paid to be a dungeon core.

"Sure!" The goblin sat down. He began to stare at the cat.

When he heard a ping, he began to eat again. Grog threw another haunch at the ginger kitten.

Its fur looked the same color as some of the roses. It was a nice and female kitten.

"Hey, dungeon core? Can I please call this kitten Rose?"

Dobri debated with himself if that was a fitting name, but then he decided that they might as well do so. After all, the people of MagicY were already waiting for the next video.

"Ok, Rose it is! We are gaining in popularity! A little bit more, kid, and we will reach the guy with the bunny eating stuff videos!"

Grog didn't care. He was still seeing the roses before his eyes.

A part of him, the part that was all goblin, didn't want to wait to get a house just so he could get the roses.

Grog began to look into the system. Tried to understand how a rose came to be.

It started from the seeds or a cutting. Grog thought to himself that a cutting would be a much better way to get the roses.

After all, according to the System's map, there was a witch's hut with roses in its garden.

Oh, how shortcuts can ruin one's life. But that was a problem for Future Grog - who may or may not end up as stew.