Hosted by: Prince Auren Thalor
Special Guests: Cladus the Brooding Beefcake & Elara "I-Don't-Have-Time-For-This" Valenhart
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INTRO
[Auren kicks open a metaphorical door with enough flair to summon a Broadway spotlight]
AUREN:
"FINALLY. The dumb author remembered I exist. Volume Two, baby! Took her long enough—was she writing this with a quill dipped in emotional repression?"
Camera pans over velvet curtains, glittery stage lights, and one really tired producer off-screen sobbing into a wine bottle labeled "Plot."
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SEGMENT 1: Chapter 22 — Ashes in Her Veins
AUREN:
"Ah yes, the chapter where Elara wakes up from her trauma-nap and says, 'Let's burn everything and trust no one.' I relate. I also wake up screaming. Usually because my mother's standing over my bed holding a contract."
[Zooms in on Elara sipping wine like she's trying not to commit regicide.]
ELARA:
"I had one (1) dream about my sister betraying me and now I can't sleep. Thanks for asking."
CLADUS (deadpan):
"You were talking in your sleep. You muttered, 'I'll stab her with embroidery.'"
ELARA:
"...I meant it."
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SEGMENT 2: Chapter 23 — The Queen Who Never Begged
AUREN:
"Elara wrote more letters in this chapter than I did apology notes after public scandals. She's scheming like it's Sunday brunch with the devil."
CLADUS (crosses arms):
"She forged alliances. Manipulated nobles. Planted evidence. Outsmarted everyone."
AUREN:
"Hot."
ELARA:
"I did it to protect Cladus."
AUREN:
"Still hot."
CLADUS:
"...I need a restraining order."
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SEGMENT 3: Chapter 24 — The Puppet with a Crown
AUREN:
"Ladies, gentlemen, and emotionally neglected heirs—this is where the trauma hits harder than my mother's passive-aggressive compliments."
Cue dramatic violin as the Empress says: "You will be a weapon until you break."
AUREN (mocking falsetto):
"Sweet dreams, my precious boy~ Don't forget to smile while collapsing!"
ELARA:
"You stood up to her. A little."
AUREN:
"I flinched with dignity, thank you very much."
CLADUS (gruff):
"You looked like you were going to cry."
AUREN:
"I always look like I'm going to cry. It's called aesthetic, Sir Brood-a-lot."
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🪞 SEGMENT 4: Chapter 25 — The Room Without Windows
Scene: Auren in an empty room, dramatically tossing rings and talking to walls like he's in a Victorian tragedy.
AUREN:
"Do I have feelings? Yes. Will I express them like a normal person? Absolutely not."
ELARA:
"No one was there. And he broke."
AUREN (teary-eyed, shoving glitter in his hair):
"Shhh. If you cry while wearing embroidery and gold leaf, it doesn't count."
CLADUS (judging silently):
"...You talk to your reflection?"
AUREN:
"Of course. He's the only one who listens."
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BONUS ROUND: UNHINGED HOT TAKES
Elara's Letters:
"Love, war, and mild threats of aristocratic doom. She's the full package."
Cladus's Sword:
"Probably compensating. But still hot."
The Empress:
"Hasn't blinked in 37 years. Possibly immortal. Definitely evil."
Serina:
"Sews lilies into dresses like it's cute. It's not. It's psychological warfare in silk."
Auren's Therapy Plan:
"Step 1: Cry in mirror. Step 2: Joke about it. Step 3: Repress. Step 4: Repeat."
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FINAL WORDS
AUREN (grinning):
"And thus ends the recap! Elara is plotting. Cladus is scowling. I'm collapsing with style."
ELARA:
"Can I leave now?"
CLADUS:
"You never should've agreed to come."
AUREN (to audience):
"But YOU, dear reader? You're stuck. Just like us.
So support the author. Or I'll send Serina a real letter."
Elara facepalms. Cladus walks off. Auren blows a kiss to the screen, winks, and disappears behind a puff of glitter and sarcasm.