CHAPTER 28: ESCALATING/HOPLESS

FOUR YEARS LATER

Royalty's POV*

Have you ever reached a point where you have nothing to say about your life? Yeah, that's me right now. It's been 2 years since I started feeling like this.

It's like I'm being drained everything that's inside of me day by day. I don't feel like me anymore. Like something is wrong with me, but I kind of seem to see anything.

Let me tell you something I have everything that a woman needs to be happy in her life, and trust me I'm, I'm happy. I have a loving and caring husband, two beautiful childrena and of course God loves me.

I have everything like I said, but I just feel lifeless. Every day, it seems like something is changing in my life, my body, I dont know. The heart pains, they never stopped, and I'm still taking the medication my husband gave me.

Even though I never asked him exactly what's wrong with me and I didn't want to make a fuss about it because what I know is that he lobes me wholeheartedly.

Now it's worse because not only do I feel the chest pains after some days, but I'm also having some difficulties breathing whenever I lift something, something heavy, or when I'm sleeping.

Right now, it's past 1am, and I'm wide awake with my husband. He is busy brushing my back because I've just woken up struggling to breathe like always.

Me: Babe, I want to tell you something.

Sid: mmmmh, I'm listening.

Me: Please don't be mad at me, promise me first.

Sid: I promise besides, have I ever gotten angry at you? No, that's because I love you, and you are so sweet.

Me: Well, here we go. I'm always tired these days, like I'm always weak. It's even difficult for me to perform my hoise chores I finish with a struggle, or sometimes I dont do them.

Sid: like a fatigue.

Me: Yeah, I think.

Sid: mmmh

Me: mmmh, what, do you think we are pregnant?

Sid: what no, never.

Me: Well, I.....the way you answered right now, ypu sounded like someone who is so sure or ypu don't want kids.

Sid: Well, I do want them, but just now now. Look at you, look at your condition.

Me: But I could be pregnant already, I'm not on any contra....

Sid: I said, "You are not royalty. Just stop the fussing.

Me: Sorry.

I said, looking the other way, moving away from him. Why would he even shout at me like that. I don't know how I slept, but when I woke up, it was now morning.

I took a quick shower and went to prepare breakfast. I took too long to finish because of feeling weak, but I finished. Feeling weak is worse, especially in the mornings.

I put the breakfast on the dining table and went to Huney's bedroom. She is with the kids, she offered to sleep with them and see she get them ready every morning. She always drop them at the daycare centre on her way to work.

Me: Good morning, sis.

Huney: Good morning, how are you? Ypu looks weak, drained, tired. Whatever you might take it.

Me: Yeah, I sure feel like shit. Ypu guys are dressed in.....

Ainsle: Well, mom said she is taking us pit today, so goodbye.

Tinsley: Good morning, mom

Me: How are you, my boy. Breakfast is.....

Ainsle: No, we are OK, eat your breakfast, my lady.

Me: Wow.

Huney: Oh, come on, don't look at me like that. Please enjoy your day with your husband. We are out.

Me: ok. (In sign language) Hello, sis Kyle, how are you doing, my person?

Kyle: (sign language) I'm fine, mom, and how are you?

Me: (in sign language) I'm fine, my baby.....OK.

Yeah, Huney's daughter is called Kyle, and unfortunately, she doesn't speak nor hear. Yes, she is deaf and mute. I don't use the word dumb because, to me, it spunds offensive. What you have to know is that this kid here is cute and intelligent.

She uses ASL (American Sign Language), and now, since she is learning to write, she will also be using writing as another way of communication.

She is even intelligent more than the twins kkkkkk.

........

Sid: So Huney and the crew went out, huh?

Me: Yeah, and left me stuck here with you.

Sid: That means....babe your legs are already swelling.

Me: Yeah, I saw it when I was bathing, but wait, what do you mean by, "they are already swelling?" Are they supposed to?

Sid: what, no it's just came out wrong. What I meant was they they are swelling. I'll be back.

He left there and there but I followed him as he was going to our bedroom where I found him putting something in the water that's on the small table in our bedroom.

Me: And what is that for?

Sid: I I mean .....oh God.

*Sid's POV*

Now I'm caught. Why was I so foolish to just do this before I look out if she is coming or not. Now, how am I going to explain mixing something in the water that she drinks.

Royalty: Sid, I'm talking to you!

Me: Ok, you caught me, but can you just calm down it's nothing harmful.

Royalty: I want to know what is is considering the fact that I drink that water every day. I want to know right now.

Me: Babe, it's a it's a...

Royalty: Give me the container, and let me see for myself.

Me: By my love, you don't.

...

Royalty: dojt my love me, give it or I'll divorce ypu.

Me: Do you really have to threaten me like that? Take.

I said, giving to her. What should I do, one way or the other she was gonna find out. We both know how women are they just don't give up on things so easily.

Me: Babe, I can explain.

Royalty: Explain what Sid? Huh, explain what? So all along, I've been living a lie.

Me: babe wait let...

Royalty: No, you wait. All along, I thought I now had a problem since I couldn't be pregnant. I was worried because I'm unable to give you a child while you were the one giving me contraceptives behind my back. Why? Why Sid?

Me: Let me.....

Royalty: Am I not also capable of carrying your kids? You are my husband, but you are acting like my enemy. I don't.....I don't.....don't....do.....do.....

Me: Please just stop this and try to breathe in and out, slowly, please just.....

She tried the breathing in and out, but I could see that it's not gonna work as she fell down. I'm already there holding her, not to fall down.

Royalty: it's...it's....not...worki....

Me: Don't force to speak. Just try to maintain your slow breath. I'll run and bring the emergency oxygen mask.

I went into the room that had my things and took the oxygen mask. I went back to her and put it on her face. What have I done? This is what I was afraid of.

I carried her in a bridal style and went outside to my car. Put her inside and get everything that I needed and left to the hospital in Nyangagwe. Nyangangwe is the big hospital in Francistown.

Arriving there, the medics didn't waste time , so they took her straight to the emergency room, where I followed and started checking her.

'You need a hand, doctor Sid?'A doctor asked

Me: No, I'm good. When I need one, I'll let you know.

Dr: Ok, no problem.

I continued with what I was doing, and after about an hour, when a new patient came in that's when my wife woke up.

Me: Now I'm starting to hate my job.

Royalty: (with a soft and low voice) Why?

Me: I'm sorry ok, I was scared of telling you, especially seeing the way.....

Royalty: I'm not asking about that babe, ypu just said you are starting to hate your job.

Me: Well, if I wasn't a doctor, I wouldn't be seeing how my wife is suffering in every way. Trust me, it's torture when i have to do something to you medically, and I'm scared of the'what if something goes wrong?

Royalty: So you would rather have someone risk it and kil.......

Me: Don't you dare say that word I dare you. You don't know how this has been scaring me for the past 4 years. I've been living with you happily but not entirely.

Royalty: But people die Sid ypu don't have to feel.....

Sid: So you wouldn't care if I happen to die.

Royalty: Nooo, kahle kahle, what is wrong with me? (Exactly)

I pointed at the screen of the scan, and she looked there.

Royalty: the only thing I'm seeing here is my heart.

Me: Ok, so you don't see anything wrong with your heart?

Royalty: No, besides that, it's a bit black instead or red, I think. I don't know really what's wrong with it. Is it related to the chest pains I experience?

Me: For the past 4 years, I've been trying to find a heart for you, but to no avail.

Royalty: So why didn't you tell me? So all the chest pains.....

Me: .......the swollen legs, ankles, feet, the sweating even when it's cold, the difficulty in breathing, the fatigue yeah. This is the cause. I didn't know how to tell you, my love. Trust me, I wanted to, but I just couldn't.

I wiped a tear that was about to drop before it did.

Me: How do you tell the person who is ypur everything that their heart is useless huh tell me how? I was scared and I still am because I hadn't 💯 found anything useful. I'm hoping I'll get something tomorrow. Let's just pray, my love.

Royalty: Where

Me: The hospitals have nothing, but I have a friend who offered to help me after I reached out, so she said tomorrow could be my luck day.

Royalty: she? I think I should just die right now.

Me: What the hell.....

*To be continued.....*

*STAY TUNED*